that little souvenir of a terrible year .......... I follow & comment from @canary3d : she/her : Gen-X : biflirtual | pro-poly monogamist : pro-kink vanillist : hystersister : BLM : trans rights : extreme open adoptionâ a-mom
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I know we as a fandom have gushed a lot, and wonderfully, over Essek in 57 not knowing that heâs going to fall head over heels in friendship with the Nein, not knowing heâs going to love the scrawny human who just held up the beacon. But something Iâm equally emotional about is Essek not knowing that the Nein, and Caleb, are going to fall in love with him.
Because why would he? Heâs resigned to living in a cold, self-centred world where no one gives a damn about him except his baby brother and Uraya. Essek sees himself as selfish and aloof and arrogant, and heâs right. Heâs caused unfathomable harm. Heâs used to not fitting in, and he holds himself at armâs length from everyone, never showing his real self. He doesnât even really know how to do caring relationships. Why would anyone ever care back?
But these people right here - theyâre going to relate to his brokenness and his loneliness. Theyâre going to find it cool that he floats, and think his awkwardness charming, and ask him what his favourite food is.
And Essek doesnât know that in a few months, that little blue tiefling is going to be so happy to see him that she runs to hug him on sight. He doesnât know that one day, the pink firbolgâs going to pick him up and carry him to safety, refusing to leave Essek behind even when it puts his own life at risk. He doesnât know that soon, the charming half-orcâs going to notice him in distress and come to check on him and reassure him rather than leaving him to process his grief alone.
He doesnât know that the messy ginger human is going to love him because of his sharp edges and shadows, not despite them. He doesnât know that he and Caleb are going to fit together so neatly, listening to each other, understanding each other, Essekâs own tunnel-vision focus balancing perfectly with Calebâs cluttered, easily-distracted mind. He doesnât know that heâs the one whoâll help show Caleb that people like them can grow, and change, and be good for each other. He doesnât know heâs going to be the final, longest love of a man whoâs been burned so badly.
Essek looks at these seven idiots and thinks that one day, they will see him as their enemy and despise him - but no, theyâre going to think heâs super cool and that they love him a whole lot. Imagine that.
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The question hidden within enemies-to-lovers is âwho will love me at my worst?â, the question hidden within friends-to-lovers is âwho will love me at my most mundane?â, hope this helps
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I was trying to get a photo of all of my baby crested geckos on my hand and I managed to get very lucky with my timing, this is quite possibly the funniest photo Iâve ever taken.
Restless Rewatch: The Untamed, Episode 43 part two
(Masterpost) (Pinboard) Â (whole thing on AO3)
Warning! Spoilers for All 50 Episodes!
Mama Lan
So, getting back to Lan Xichen's story, he tells Wei Wuxian how his mother never talked about how sucky it was to be confined, never asked about their studies - and we see her with tiny Lan Wangji, patting his hair and smiling sunnily. Compare to Wei Wuxian, born with a smiling face, able to endure incredibly shitty living circumstances without complaining (except about turnips). Lan Wangji's mother, with her sweet smile, is a lot like him.
LXC and LWJ both looked forward to seeing her every month. But one day she was gone, and Lan Qiren couldn't be arsed to explain death to a small child, apparently, so Lan Wangji kept waiting for her door to open, stubbornly kneeling in the snow.
We see Lan Xichen and Lan Qiren coming to retrieve little Lan Wangji--very kindly, which is surprising, but Lan Qiren isn't entirely a dick, I guess.
Lan Xichen talks about Lan Wangji's stubborn devotion to his mother, and says that when Lan Wangji saw Wei Wuxian cultivating the ghost path, his pain and confusion were the same as in the past when he looked at their mother. Lan Xichen is giving tiny 5-year-old Lan Wangji a lot of credit for the depth of his thinking about the nature of love and violence.
Lan Xichen caps this all off by playing a flute solo. Which is a totally reasonable thing to do, since Wei Wuxian speaks flute.
After explaining this long, acutely awful story to Wei Wuxian and tootling for a bit, Lan Xichen is finally ready to talk about his own situation. He says that in the past he tried to advise Wangji (to dump WWX, is implied), but now that he's in the same boat, he finally understands how hard it is to make a decision.
He thought he understood Jin Guangyao deeply, but now he thinks that the hearts of people in this world "may look like fire from the front, but look like ice from the side" which is a really nice poetic image. Wei Wuxian, is a talker but he's also an incredibly good listener; he doesn't say a goddamn thing, but looks at Lan Xichen with concern and sympathy.
Note that when he quietly looks at Lan Xichen it is totally different from when he looks at Lan Wangji. This is a bro look.
(more after the cut!)
Just as Lan Xichen wraps up telling Wei Wuxian about the depth and fierceness of Lan Wangji's devotion to him, Lan Wangji shows up with physical evidence of that devotion, in the form of the forbidden liquor that featured in their first romantic encounter fight.
He looks shockingly beautiful with his hair down and his face totally relaxed and happy. Not pictured: the brass balls it takes to bring your boyfriend forbidden alcohol right in front of your clan leader.
Date Night
Wei Wuxian comes and stands in the doorway and watches Lan Wangji pouring the wine for Wei Wuxian and pouring tea for hiself while Wangxian, tender piano version, plays on the soundtrack.
Wei Wuxian wants to say thank you to Lan Wangji but can't bring himself to be that mushy, in spite having told Jin Ling, ages ago, that every person has to learn to say thank you and sorry in this life. So he changes the subject to talk about Lan Xichen and Jin Guangyao.
Lan Wangji then brings up the second flute - which, while not consistent with the novel, is at least internally consistent with the show, so I won't complain about this. But those of you who hate the whole second-flute thing, I get you. Anyway, Lan Wangji says he asked Wen Ning, and that WN remembers hearing two different flute sounds. When has Lan Wangji had a chance to talk to Wen Ning privately? He's so jelly that Wen Ning runs away whenever LWJ gets near.
WWX says it happened at Nightless city as well, and we have a quick flashback featuring the most discordant, godawful flute music, which is the Su She song of fucking your shit up.
They go out on the porch in the snow and talk about it some more. Now that he knows about the Collection of Chaos, he's confident that someone was playing it to mess things up for him.
Lan Wangji says it's Jin Guangyao, but WWX says maybe, maybe not - that it doesn't really matter now, toasting "whatever (suibian), screw it" and drinking from one of the Emperor's smile bottles.
Lan Wangji stands under the roof and smiles one of his little content micro smiles.
Wei Wuxian then talks about his reputation as the Yiling Patriarch, that it doesn't matter who really did anything, that people just need a person to blame, and he is known for being that person.
He's essentially accepting his place in the Great Dao with this speech. While he says this, the camera is looking at him and Lan Wangji from the side, where--as others have noted--the two of them form a balance between dark and light, yin and yang, with Lan Wangji under the roof, wearing white, and Wei Wuxian in the snowfall, wearing black.
Wei Wuxian says that even if there had been no Jin Guangyao or second flute, shit would have still happened, and the camera closes in on him as he drinks more wine; we hear the first notes of Wangxian on the guqin. Wei Wuxian hears it too, and turns with a smile that says "gonna have you nekkid by the end of this song."
Then Wei Wuxian leans in the doorway and we get a rare internal monologue from him. He says to himself, that he was really lonely back then (at the end of his previous life, that the few people who cared about him had died, and lists Wen Ning and Jiang Yanli, despite Wen Ning being only mostly dead. Then he thinks "LuckilyâŚ" and Lan Wangji finishes the thought with his own internal monologue: there's still someone who believes in you (trust/believe, 俥) in this world.
Then Wei Wuxian drinks the most erotic toast possible to Lan Wangji, saying in his internal monologue that having one zhiji in life is enough for him to be content.
Lan Wangji's voice says, nothing else is needed but to have a clear conscience; Wei Wuxian's voice replies - or coincidentally thinks - I don't care what they say about me as long as I have a clear conscience.
Then he says out loud - very quietly - "I'm sorry, and thank you." Lan Wangji looks up and we get the sung version of Wangxian, the duet version, I think, although my hearing is crappy so I'm not sure.
They continue making beautiful music together as the camera sweeps up and away, followed by a fade to black - not a crossfade to the next scene, but a fade to a full black screen before picking up the next scene in the morning. This is c-drama film language for: they fucked, y'all.
There's Got To Be a Morning After
In the morning we see Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian sleepily meditating in the Hanshi. They had a long night, clearly. Wei Wuxian dozes off and falls into Lan Wangji's side, which doesn't bother Lan Wangji. Some fic writers seem to take this as showing that Wei Wuxian is bad at meditation, but he's just worn out - normally he's great at meditation, since that's how one forms a core, and we also saw him meditating the yin iron into submission back in the day.
Jin Guangyao shows up, getting the sinister-walking-feet camera treatment that we've seen before when someone was about to fuck shit up. He just sits down to have tea, however, and to give Lan Xichen's entry token back since it seems to have been turned off on the server side.
Next we get a super uncomfortable interaction where Jin Guangyao keeps pressing to find out why Lan Xichen has turned cold, and Lan Xichen keeps pretending everything is fine while still glaring daggers at Jin Guangyao. Wei Wuxian is super alert and listening during this conversation. Eventually JGY gives up and leaves, and Lan Xichen dispatches LWJ and WWX to find out what's going on at the burial mounds while he goes to Jinlintai to join a discussion about a second siege of the burial mounds.
Road Trip
The trip to the burial mounds kicks off with a cute romantic interlude where Wei Wuxian mishandles and pesters Lan Wangji's rabbits, and Lan Wangji gazes adoringly at him. Lan Wangji's rabbits sure look like the descendants of Lan Yi's rabbits, but they aren't wearing headbands any more, thank heaven, because that shit was ridiculous. So ridiculous I decided to paint a headband onto one of them for the header image.
The rabbits follow them to the gate of The Cloud Recesses because they love Lan Wangji, and he clearly loves them back. It's a nice moment that brings nuance to his character - just a little reminder that he's built a life for himself in Wei Wuxian's absence, and is beginning to share it with Wei Wuxian.
Wei Wuxian noisily pesters Lil Apple while wondering aloud why animals don't like him as much as they like Lan Wangji.
We then get a long scene of Lan Wangji, Wei Wuxian, Lil Apple, and Wei Wuxian's fake donkey-riding foot, traveling through beautiful scenery while Wei Wuxian plays music for Lan Wangji.
He has, at last, figured out that playing Wangxian is what let Lan Wangji recognize him. Lan Wangji admits to writing it but won't tell him the name of the song.
They stop for water at a ramshackle house that is absolutely NOT any place style queen Luo Qingyang/MianMian would live, no matter who she married.
Look at this plant! Is that not a weed? And what's with all the random baskets, fabric, and skins? And the sticks that make up the railing aren't even trimmed to the same length despite her having a magic sword. Mianmian would live in a cute little cottage with good feng shui. This is a house where bandits would live.
Anyway, after some ridiculous hiding behind a haystack, they meet Mianmian, her husband, and daughter. Wei Wuxian has to fully reboot his brain in order to recognize her, which seems to make perpetually-jealous Lan Wangji happy.
My favorite moment from this scene: Wei Wuxian picks up a melon to check if it's ripe and Lan Wangji immediately gets out his coin purse like the sugar daddy he yearns to be. In the book his coin purse is (indirectly) stolen from MianMian, because of jealousy, so this is a nice callout.
Restless Rewatch: The Untamed, Episode 43 part one
(Masterpost) (Pinboard) Â (whole thing on AO3)
Warning! Spoilers for All 50 Episodes!
Unraveling
We jump in, mid sentence, as genius Wei Wuxian figures out Jin Guangyao's method of causing Nie Mingjue's qi deviation: pretending to play cleansing for him and in fact playing a song from the collection of chaos.
He also figures out that Jin Guangyao ripped out the pages not to memorize them, but to cover his tracks.
Lan Xichen really wishes he could believe Wei Wuxian was wrong, but as a Lan, he can't ignore musical evidence.
Wei Wuxian points out that Nie Mingjue sucks at music so wouldn't notice the difference. Lan Xichen, grasping at his very last straw, says that he never told Jin Guangyao about the hidden room in the library.
Wei Wuxian says "hate to break it to you, buddy, but JGY is the most accomplished spy and assassin of at least 3 dynasties," reminding him that JGY got into Wen Ruohan's secret chambers. Lan Xichen can't argue with this.
Wei Wuxian hands him the music book and Lan Xichen says he's going to find a way to test it. Wei Wuxian then says my favorite line of this scene, asking how Lan Xichen can test it because using it on a living person is "probably going against your Lan Clan's family rules." YA THINK? The unspoken part is that Wei Wuxian would snatch that book up and go full ham on it if given the opportunity.
Lan Xichen says he's going to test it on himself. Lan Wangji objects but Lan Xichen insists. He explains that his version of Jin Guangyao is so far from their version that he can't reconcile it.
(more after the cut!)
It's dawning on him that Jin Guangyao used him in order to kill Nie Mingjue, because he got Lan Xichen to teach him the cleansing music, and to vouch for him. He asks, "can you allow me to be more cautious before coming to a conclusion?"
Lan Wangji, who has never hesitated to come to a conclusion ever in his entire life, moves into his "arguing" stance, but Wei Wuxian, who is comfortable with ambiguity, clasps his arm and stops him, giving him a significant head shake.
Wei Wuxian is so comfortable with ambiguity, in fact, that his outfit today features a literal grey area, in the form of a grey trim line between the black of his outer robe and the white of Lan Wangji's his underrobe.
Lan Wangji settles down, but he's not happy about it. Neither am I, because we never get to see Lan Xichen actually do this test. How would it even work? Would he have to play guqin in front of a mirror to harm himself with his own spiritual energy? Important questions are being left unanswered.
Having sorted that out, they all come out of the library together. Lan Wangji goes to see his uncle while Lan Xichen escorts Wei Wuxian back to the Jingshi so he can give him the world's most confusing shovel talk.
Tea Time
Once they're in the Jingshi's front yard (courtyard? It's not a traditional Siuhuan layout, but it does have a gate, so I'm not sure what the yard would be called), Wei Wuxian stops Lan Xichen to ask him a question, specifically because Lan Wangji isn't there. Then they have this exchange, which totally blew my mind when I first watched it.
Wei Wuxian: what's up with the whip marks on Lan Zhan?
Lan Xichen: He didn't tell you?
WWX: I asked, but he wouldn't tell me, so I figured I should ask you.
LXC: I know how he is, he would never ever ever tell you, in his whole life.
LXC: SO I WILL.
I was raised in a culture (white, Irish-American Catholic) where family secrets are meant to be KEPT unto and beyond the GRAVE. So to see Lan Xichen, a generally virtuous guy, (if a little wobbly around the whole "is murder ok" question), casually spill all of his brother's tea like this was startling for me.
But when I make the effort to see beyond my own context, it actually makes sense; this secret is an essential part of Lan Wangji's life, and it's one that intimately concerns Wei Wuxian. Lan Xichen has authority over Lan Wangji, as his elder brother and as his clan leader, so he's empowered to make choices about what he thinks is best for his brother, and what his brother wants doesn't really enter into it.
Also, they are in a Wuxia/Xianxia* story; secrets in this context exist purely to drive plots forward, so spilling them at opportune moments is every character's sacred duty.
*I feel like MDZS is a hybrid of Wuxia and Xianxia, because there's cultivation-based magic but no real otherworldly component. In a more conventional Xianxia we'd be spending 13 years in the underworld with Wei Wuxian while he rose to be the king of the demon realm or something like that. Which would be awesome, actually.
Protect the Smoldering Ruin
Lan Xichen cues up a flashback to Lan Wangji fighting to protect Wei Wuxian'sâŚstuff. This scene makes no goddamn sense, because it's based on things that happened in the novel that can't be talked about in a censored TV show. So there's a whole lot of handwaving needed for this scene to happen.
In the novel, Wei Wuxian is off his face on drugs resentment, the crowd is there to kill him, and Lan Wangji is protecting WWX, having unsuccessfully confessed his love. Lan Wangji injures 33 Lan elders in the ensuing battle, so his punishment is 33 strokes of the punishment whip. Wei Wuxian dies in an unpleasant manner anyway, and the story carries on. All of the important stuff including WWX's demise happens in the burial mounds.
In the live-action version, we see Lan Wangji surrounded by several Jins + Su She. Su She asks Lan Wangji what the fuck he's doing, and Lan Wangji delivers the epic diss, "You are not qualified to speak to me."
Jin Guangyao shows up and says they'll leave the cave alone, because they've got the burial mounds surrounded so Wei Wuxian can't get back to his cave anyway. And that Lan Wangj's uncle is there, probably planning to take him back to Cloud Recesses.
Next we see Lan Wangji leaning on his sword with his hand and arm bloody, with a voiceover from Lan Xichen saying that Lan Wangji "caused a lot of trouble" and their Uncle was furious.
So, if LWJ's motivation is to protect an empty cave, that seems really dumb. But I think this is just down to confusing editing, and the cave isn't actually empty. When we look at the events of this episode in conjunction with some other flashbacks and events from other episodes, a possible chronology emerges:
Lan Wangji is looking for Wei Wuxian, goes to burial mounds, finds A-Yuan.
Lan Wangji stands outside the cave where A-Yuan is hidden, guards him against Su She and Jin Guangyao. Then they go away, warning him that his uncle is coming.
Lan Wangji dashes (teleports?) to Nightless City, tells Wei Wuxian "the situation changed!" with no further information, but meaning "I need you to come help me guard A-Yuan, and then get married and raise him as our son." He gets a cut on his arm during this battle; Wei Wuxian falls while Lan Wangji bleeds a lot, making his arm and hand bloody.
Lan Wangji rushes back to the burial mounds to collect A-Yuan, and fights the Lans in order to guard the cave & A-Yuan.
This still has one error, because the not-yet-very-bloody cut is seen on Lan Wangji's arm during his confrontation with Su She & JGY, but I find that easier to accept than..the entire logic of everything, otherwise.
What's Black? What's White?
Next, Lan Xichen says that their uncle punished Lan Wangji with THREE HUNDRED strokes of the punishment whip, which is ridiculous, because the punishment whip is a spiritual weapon designed to maim, and most cultivators couldn't survive 33 strokes from it. It's not a translation error; Lan Xichen clearly says "sÄnbÇi" and the Chinese subtitles say "ä¸çž". Maybe Lan Xichen is exaggerating to make Wei Wuxian feel worse.
We flash back to the flogging scene, in which they hit Lan Wangji with the exact same sticks they beat him and Wei Wuxian with when they got in trouble for drinking, not with anything that deserves to be called a "discipline whip."
The only sound Lan Wangji makes is to crack his knuckles really loudly when making a fist, which is I guess what happens when he doesn't have Bichen or Wei Wuxian's wrist to grip. Now we know why Wei Wuxian wears wrist armor. The guy beating him, meanwhile, makes all kinds of effort noises.
Lan Qiren makes Lan Wangji recite the 52d rule of the clan, which is "do not befriend evil people." Lan Wangji points out that there's a footnote with an exception if the people are really super hot.
Lan Qiren yells at him saying he's ignored their rules for "establishing one's person" according to the Viki subtitles, which I take to mean "building one's moral character," and asks how will he face their honorable ancestors? An urgent question, given that 300 strokes of an actual discipline whip would send Lan Wangji to those ancestors with a swiftness.
Lan Wangji doesn't take this lesson, however, asking his uncle "What's good? What's evil? What's black? What's white?" Lan Qiren is shocked that his best student has the ability to actually think, and says that he's greatly disappointed.
I remember when I was a kid, Dad telling me he was disappointed with me felt like a heavy punishment, but that's because he didn't beat the hell out of me while he was saying it. And I imagine Lan Wangji is ok with disappointing Lan Qiren at this point, since he's fundamentally disappointed himself by 1. Failing to save Wei Wuxian's life 2. Failing to stand by Wei Wuxian during the moment their paths diverged, when WWX asked him "who's strong, who's weak, what's black, what's white?"
The flashback wraps up with Lan Wangji kneeling in the cold pond with a book of Lan rules in front of him, looking like he still doesn't give a fuck what his uncle thinks, while frost grows on his eyebrows.
Lan Xichen says he went to talk to him and advise him - advise him to retroactively dump his dead boyfriend, is heavily implied. But that Lan Wangji said that because Wei Wuxian is his zhiji, that he should believe in his character - using the same word for trust/believe, 俥, that has been spoken between LWJ and WWX in previous conversations (see my Ep 33 writeup).
Meet the Lans
Wei Wuxian says "he shouldn't have," and Lan Xichen responds by dropping his utterly horrifying family backstory. He is currently contemplating how far a person - himself or his brother, specifically - can and should go for their chosen person, which leads him to think about his parents.
He gazes hauntedly at the Jingshi and explains that this is where his mother lived, while his father was in seclusion. His father met his mother outside Gusu and it was love at first sight. Wei Wuxian, being a romantic cornball, likes this idea, smiling and saying that Papa Lan was young and passionate at that time.
But then Lan Xichen goes on to say that his mom didn't love his dad, which instantly makes Wei Wuxian sad again. LXC also says that she killed a respected teacher of his father's. Wei Wuxian perks up and asks why. He's a fan of killing people, after all.
Lan Xichen responds that he doesn't know, but that it was probably for righteousness, a grudge, right, or wrong: these four words. Yep, that would cover the vast majority of reasons to kill someone. His father dealt with it by secretly marrying her in defiance of his clan, and then locking her up while he went into seclusion. Note that seclusion is not isolation; it's a way of retreating from worldly things in order to focus on spiritual life. It apparently doesn't preclude occasionally knocking up your captive wife.
Lan Xichen then asks Wei Wuxian if he understands what Papa Lan's intentions were? And does he think he did the right thing? Wei Wuxian says "fuck if I know" and wonders what the hell is wrong with the straights, given that the Jiang parents' marriage was almost as terrible as the Lan parents.
Then Lan Xichen says that his father took them away from their mother, gave them to other people to raise, and then when they were old enough, handed them off to their uncle, who was super rigid and uptight as a result of seeing his brother fuck up his life. They only got to visit their mother once a month.
Palace Drama Dynamics
Now, before I get into that, let's have a little interlude to talk about some of the wack family dynamics we've seen in The Untamed. I want to propose an alternate way of looking at things. I don't have any relevant Untamed pics to put in this section so instead, enjoy this selection of our boys in palace & historical dramas.
Guo Cheng in A League of Gentleman
If you're like me, you have watched a fair number of palace dramas. In these stories, the emperor is in charge, the princes vie for favor, and the women are all competing with each other to gain rank and move their sons into positions of power. The rank of the son and the mother are usually joined; if a prince is elevated in rank, his mother will be elevated as well. The empress is at the top of the heap, the noble consort is just below her, and then there are ranks of consorts and concubines. A low-ranked woman might have her child taken from her to be raised by a higher-ranked woman. A woman who seriously loses favor lives in a "cold palace" - a less comfortable, isolated living arrangement, sort of being banished from the Emperor's favor without being actually banished.
Wang Yibo in Luoyang
The Clan heads in The Untamed aren't Emperors but they are rulers in the Jianghu. In an alternate universe where the clan heads are Emperors, and Palace rules are in effect, a lot of the behaviors make more sense. Madame Lan is a disfavored Empress/consort who has been banished to a cold palace, and whose children have been taken from her as a punishment. Jin Guangyao is a low-ranked concubine's son who schemes to kill the crown prince and rise to take his place. Jiang Fengmian has an Empress - Yu Ziyuan - and a deceased consort - Cangse Sanren - and has sons by both.
Wang Zhuocheng in Love Like the Galaxy
The Empress's son (Jiang Cheng) should outrank the Noble Consort's son (Wei Wuxian), but because of his love for his consort, he favors her son--which puts the Empress' son in grave danger, given that many historical princes solidified their power by killing the other princes in their family. Look up Li Shimin sometime if you're curious about this.
Xiao Zhan in the Shiniest Promise of Blossom. j/k I made that up, this is from The Wolf
In this way of thinking about things, Yu Ziyuan is actually very good to Wei Wuxian, given that she didn't poison him the moment he showed up, the way the mothers in the palace dramas so frequently do.
Anyhoo, that's my palace-drama version of The Untamed. Fic writers, feel free to run with it!
(Continued in Part Two)
Soundtrack: Denial is a River, Doechii; Euphoria, Kendrick Lamar
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