hey did you know your water bottle is leaching microplastics into your water? seed oils are bad too btw. also maybe throw away that plastic cutting board and get anoth- no not that one, wood is bad for you too. hey you should probably not be on your phone all the time, looking at screens is really bad for you… well except for the spreadsheets you have to look at for work 8 hours a day, that’s probably fine. vinyl records are putting carcinogens in your air also. no don’t throw them out, that’s really bad for the environment. that cart you bought at the dispensary last week has pesticides btw. your teflon pans are putting chemicals in your food btw. listening to earbuds is gonna make you deaf btw. every food that tastes good is gonna give you heart disease btw. hey you’re not stressed out about all this are you? because stress is also gonna reduce your lifespan btw.
ive just accepted that i’m gonna die at 45 at this point, cigarettes are pretty awesome
