washed-up grade 9 catboy

defunctland episode released immediately upon your death chronicling all failed career paths and relationships and somehow michael eisner is still at fault

A sick wizard castle with a nondescript van painted on the side. A gothy pin-up girl with the portrait of a random trucker tattooed on her thigh. A bathroom-themed beach vacation. A beautiful brightly coloured cupcake that tastes like soap.

Jesus with a portrait of my grandma on his wall. A scimitar-wielding fantasy protagonist reading about the adventures of sixth-grader Kelsey. A National Park with a framed print of somebody’s living room.

I'm not religious in any christian way but the thought of Biblical Jesus having a whole gallery wall of pictures of every single grandma with a jesus on her wall is cute.

Sitting here watching the delivery tracker app as the little icon of the car very slowly increases in width while remaining in the same spot knowing it's just a glitch of some kind, but, like, imagine.

Peering sourly at my phone like "ah shit, they sent the Wide Car again".

Sitting here watching the delivery tracker app as the little icon of the car very slow increases in width while remaining in the same spot knowing it's just a glitch of some kind, but, like, imagine.

talking about game theory always makes me feel kinda weird because me and the prisoner – yeah the one from the dilemma– used to have a thing goin on a few years back. it didn't really work out too well for her, I don't really like to think about it too much

If you tell me what that thing was I'll reduce your sentence by 3 years, but just so you know if she tells me and you don't I'll increase it by 5 years. If you both tell me both your sentences increase by a year.

I can't do this again

tortel….

being extremely out of the loop especially regarding social media trends and discourse means you often end up learning things only after they've been turned into memes like ten times removed from the original context. for example the first time I ever read the term "girl dinner" it was on a gif of the T-Rex from Jurassic Park eating people so you can imagine the confusion when some time later I stumbled upon posts where people were hating on it and calling it gender essentialist

it's seriously fucked up that our society expects women to spend most of their energy hunting alone and fighting for their food while men can just chill with their herds as they munch on leaves

Took Ollie to the vet today. And I'm not gonna say who. But ONE of us had a panic attack immediately after the checkup and wouldn't get out of the sink