Starling of Blood

this lettuce smells like dog

you bought dog lettuce

my buddy brings her angel girlfriend to the function, I spend the whole time refusing to look at or even acknowledge her existence, because I am a staunch atheist and dont believe in that nonsense. she starts to throw things at my head to get my attention and between volleys of marbles and kitchen utensils I grunt "swamp gas. aurora borealis. probably a weather balloon.youre seeing things"

another day, I greet my friend at the door, I look over her shoulder and raise an eyebrow, "I see you've brought the electromagnetic phenomena again,"

damn girl nice chitinous exoskeleton (<- CLEARLY JEALOUS)

Next month I finally start my overnight shift at the lab and while I'm not sure how easily I'll adjust to becoming fully nocturnal, and not sure if I'll want to remain on night shift forever, I do think it's funny that my trainers so far have been gassing me up as a potential overnight supervisor if I can stick it out, and not just because I'm basically a natural at everything they're showing me but also because it will be a really funny bit for them to turn future new hires over to the pale and ethereally beautiful overnight supervisor named Carmilla who looks much younger than she actually is and works with the lab's blood samples. imagine being a new hire at a big empty overnight laboratory and your supe Carmilla adds you to her team slack channel and it's called #thralls

my subs unionized but theyre all trying to backstab eachother to get off. they keep coming to to me in private to confess their loyalty and i keep saying shit like "i know you're the only one i can trust with this" and "this is why youve always been my favourite"