Requests Are Open!!!

The toothbrush fell from my open mouth and clattered in the sink loudly. I frantically hung up and tried the call again, fingers shaking as I held the phone to my ear.

“The number you have reached is not in service. If you feel you have reached this message in error, please hang up and try your call again.”

No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. This can’t be right.

I thought back to our night together. The confession he made about his feelings toward me. The sex. Falling asleep together. The way he whispered to me as I fell asleep. Nothing about this is adding up.

I take a deep breath, close my eyes and try to clear the panic that is threatening to close in on me. I can feel my fingertips start to tingle, my ears are starting to ring. It feels like I can’t breathe and I know I’m on my way to a full blown panic attack if I don’t calm the fuck down. In through the nose, out through the mouth. One breath at a time. I can do this.

What the actual fuck is happening here?

My eyes fly open as I remember the last thing I heard Noah say as I drifted into unconsciousness.

“I’m so sorry. I wish things were different…”

I feel the bile make its way up my esophagus leaving me just seconds to make it over the toilet before I’m throwing up what little I could get down after the concert last night. Tears sting my eyes as I heave over and over again, with nothing left in my stomach but dead butterflies.

I lay my head against the cool toilet seat as I spit the last of the vomit from my mouth. Tears flow freely into the water, snot leaks continuously from my nose and I don’t even bother trying to clean myself up yet.

What’s the point anyway? What’s the point of anything?

My mind spirals to a dark place, wishing to be anyone but me. Losing Noah the first time was hard and took me years to recover from, and that was before he admitted he loved me.

This time...

This time might kill me. 

I hear my phone start to ring and my heartbeat picks up thinking it’s Noah. He’s got an explanation for why his phone was turned off, maybe a crazy fan got ahold of his number and he had to change it so he just got a new one. I scramble away from the toilet over to the corner, where my phone landed in my haste to not get vomit all over my bathroom sink. 

A picture of a smiling Ray and me at Knott’s Scary Farm last year looks up at me, and I think I might throw up again.

I let the call go to voicemail and sit on the ground, knees drawn up to my chest, arms wrapped around them, and lay my head down. I feel numb, light, like time means nothing anymore. 

I hear a text notification come through once, twice, and then another phone call. As soon as that phone call ends, a text comes through again. 

I groan and pick my phone up, intending to turn it off and pretend I don’t exist. I’ve been sitting like this for twenty minutes already, and I have no intention of moving any time soon.

As I swipe down the notification bar to power off my phone, I see the texts from Ray.

Ray: Hey babe, you good? You don’t usually call like that without saying something first.

Ten minutes later.

Ray: Babe? Raccoon if you’re alive or I’m going to show up at the house. I’m worried and I know you’re not asleep.

Ten more minutes before the final phone call and the last text.

Ray: Mkay well I’m on my way, see you in 15.”

I lean my head back against the cool wall. Fuck. How do I get Ray not to come home? I shoot her a quick text.

Me: Hey babe, I’m good. I think I might be coming down with something though, I don’t think you should come home. I’ll text you later.

My phone starts to ring and I see the picture of me and Ray. Double fuck. I fight for my life to sound semi-normal as I answer the phone.

“Hey.”

Not doing great so far.

I hear Ray scoff into her headphones, “Yeah, that’s real convincing. Here’s the deal, I’m already on my way so you can fuck right off with your sick act. We’re practically soul mates and I know something is up. Unlock the door so I don’t waste time with the key. I’ll see you in 10.”

I don’t even get a chance to respond before she hangs up. There’s no chance in hell I can hide this from Ray once she’s here. I’m going to break down the second she walks through the door, so I send her a text.

Me: Bring the Stella Black and some ice cream.

Almost immediately, I get a response,

Ray: Bringing the shovel too.

I almost smile.

I get up and unlock the door, returning to the bathroom to brush my teeth for the second time this morning while I wait for Ray to get here.

Two big bottles of Stella Black, a pint of Ben & Jerry’s Phish Food, a pint of Rainbow Sherbet and an entire box of Kleenex later, and Ray was caught up. We sat in silence now on my couch watching Scream, the original. 'Something happy' she said as she put it on. I was barely paying attention.

By the time we learned Billy Loomis and Stu Macher were the killers and I hadn’t laughed once or mimicked the way the actors were saying things, Ray turned it off with a sigh. She turned to me and took one of my hands in hers. 

“Babe,” She started. I looked at her as she continued. “I know this sucks, I mean really fucking sucks, but you have two options here.”

I just blinked in response.

“You can let this consume you - eat you alive like you did before. Or you could enter your villain era. Show him what he walked away from, what he’s been missing out on all these years. Fuck him and his band.”

“My villain era?” I questioned.

Ray smiled. “It’s not like we don’t know when he’ll be here again, or when he’ll be close. We can show up at his show and...I don’t know, throw tomatoes at him or something. Or boo him when he comes on stage? That would make you feel better, right?”

The gears in my head started turning. A villain era might be nice. A little side of crazy to keep him guessing. Show him that he fucked me over and used me for sex for the last time.

I felt a smile spread across my face as I answered. “Yeah, I think that would make me feel better, babe.”

As long as things didn’t get out of hand.

Seven months is a long time to plan revenge when you think about it. It gives you plenty of time to plot, come up with ideas, change them, scrap them for new ones, all in the hopes of executing the perfect way to get back at someone. And I have it now. Once I was done with Noah, he’d never even think of anyone but me.

This was how I made him pay for his actions.

Unfortunately, there had to be some collateral. Tyler and I split the day after Noah left. I confessed immediately to cheating on him and I was so numb from the after effects of Noah’s departure, I didn’t even have it in me to cry over Tyler. Watching him quietly sob while processing my infidelity should have broken me, but I had nothing left in me, at the time, to offer him the reaction he deserved. I should have had more remorse. More tact. Shouldn’t have been so blunt. 

“I fucked Noah Sebastian.”

No apologies, no tears. Just stating facts. 

“Y/N, we should talk about this.”

I sat staring at him without saying another word until he left.

Tyler never spoke to me again, not that I can blame him. He wouldn’t like what I was planning anyway.

Sitting at a hotel across the country in New Mexico, I wondered if I was really doing this. I took a deep breath, in through the nose, out through the mouth. There was no backing out now. Hotels were already booked, tickets were bought. New Mexico, then Arizona, followed by Oklahoma, and ending with Texas. Five shows. Four cities. That would be plenty to get my point across. I thought about going to Sick New World in Las Vegas, but tickets were pricier than I would have liked and a festival didn’t have the same intimacy I was looking for. 

I checked my phone to see a message from Raylene.

Ray: Hey babe, just checking in. Let me know you made it to your mom’s!

I sent back a quick -

Me: Made it! The flight took a lot out of me, I’m gonna crash for the night, I love you.

It was way too early for bed, but not if you factored in being jet lagged like I claimed. Besides, I wasn’t going to bed, and I wasn’t at my mom’s in Florida. I was in Albuquerque getting ready to head out to the first concert to enact the revenge I so desperately needed. I felt a quick stab of panic for not telling Ray what I was doing, or where I really was.

What if something happened to me? I was alone in an unfamiliar city, after all. I swallowed the panic as I had every time I thought of these moments the last seven months, and instead I focused on the rage I had for Noah. I focused on making him pay for all the hurt he caused.

Doors were at 6PM with I See Stars starting at 7 as the opening act. After their set, Invent Animate would play theirs. I figured I had about three hours from the time doors opened to Bad Omens going on stage.

Easy enough.

I waited out in the lot in my rental car as I watched the crowd start to go inside when they opened the doors. Minutes ticked by as the crowd got smaller and smaller. Soon, there were only a few stragglers left as late comers hurried to enter the venue before the bands went on.

It’s now or never.

I glanced over to the fenced area that contained the buses for the bands. No security. Perfect. A small venue like this probably didn’t have the manpower to house security outside as well as inside for the concert. I double checked the alarm I had set on my phone and got out of the car before I could change my mind. 

I walked as quickly as I could over to the side of the building where the buses sat while trying not to draw any extra attention to myself. Getting over the fence was the hardest part, but I managed with just a couple of muttered cuss words. Spotting the bus for Bad Omens was easy, as it was the biggest one there.

“Show offs.” I muttered under my breath and walked at a brisk pace to close the gap between me and the bus. 

I shrugged the backpack I carried off and placed it on the floor, crouching next to it and looking both directions before unzipping it, pulling out my first weapon of choice; spray paint.

Red, of course.

I shook the canister, willing the can to stay quiet and began spraying the side of the bus. Letter by letter, I covered one whole side of the bus in spray paint. Once I finished the sentence, I stood back to get a good look. 

My heart was racing with adrenaline, and I could feel the maniacal grin plastered on my face.

NOAH SEBASTIAN IS AN ASSHOLE

Childish? Sure. Satisfying? Fuck yes.

Up next, the inside. 

I walked up to the door of the bus and tried it. Unlocked. 'Cocky', I thought.

I made my way up the steps and closed the door behind me. I froze in my spot, awe-struck by the luxury this bus had.

It was a shame I was going to ruin it.

I reached in my backpack and grabbed another can of spray paint; black. I looked around. Driver’s seat to my right. Nothing to really do there. To my left was the living area with a pull out couch, a loveseat, a coffee table, and a TV. Just past that was the kitchen area which had a fridge, stove top, microwave, and dining table. Beyond that, behind a closed door, were what I assumed to be the bedrooms and bathroom. I’d save those for last. 

The spray paint got used up first. Black and red X’s painted various parts of the living space. A couple of 'FUCK YOU’s were written on the fridge and the TV. I pulled out my pocket knife next and went to town on the couch and loveseat, gouging holes in them, stabbing them dozens of times each. It was gratifying, watching the stuffing fly around as I unleashed all of the pent up aggression I had for Noah on these inanimate objects. 

I took a deep breath and admired my handiwork so far, noting the destruction the boys would walk into after their show. I might have gotten carried away as the TV lay broken on the floor, but the end result was the same. I was starting to feel better.

I made my way toward the back of the bus and opened the door leading to the bedrooms. It was easy to tell which was Noah’s, the last one on the right with the Bring Me The Horizon posters lining the walls above his bed. I knew I was running out of time so I wouldn’t be able to savor this as much as I’d like, but it was more important than everything else that I get this done, so I would get it done as fast as I could.

Just as I stepped into the room, I heard footsteps stomping on the stairs to the bus, and the doorknob began to turn. My heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest as I closed Noah’s door quickly behind me and dove under the bed. 

“What the fuck?!” I heard Noah’s voice scream as it echoed throughout the bus. 

Folio wasn’t far behind as he said, “Noah hurry up we’re about to go-” His voice cut off as he stepped onto the bus. “What the fuck?!”

Nick’s voice carried from outside as he chuckled, “What are we what the fuck-ing?” Followed quickly by, “Oh, what the fuck?!”

I guess they must have missed the writing on the outside of the bus with the sun having set, making the inside of the bus the first thing they saw that I had done. 

I was panicking. This was not supposed to happen. I was going to be out of here thirty minutes before they went on, and no one would ever know it was me. Trying not to hyperventilate as I hid under the bed became my biggest priority. I had to focus on calming down because I couldn’t hear the boys over the sound of my own blood rushing through my veins. Deep breaths, slowly. In through the nose, out through the mouth.

Their voices came back as I began to get control of my breathing. 

“... would do such a thing?” Nick asked incredulously.

“.... call the cops.” Folio was saying over Nick. 

The two of them continued talking over each other before Noah shushed them. “Did either of you or Jolly leave the door to the rooms open?”

Oh, fuck.

Everything got deathly quiet. My heart was beating loud enough that I’m sure all of them could hear it at this point.

I could hear their footfalls getting closer to the hallway. The door to the far left was flung open, banging against the wall. A moment of silence passed as I assumed Jolly’s room was cleared. The door next to it, next to Noah’s, crashed against the wall as one of the boys opened it harshly. Another beat of silence as they cleared Nick and Folio’s room. Noah’s room was next. I knew I had mere moments before that door crashed open and they found me in here.

My fingers began to tingle. My breath came in short gasps. I could feel my heartbeat in every inch of my body. The door slowly opened. The boys knew this was the last room. If anyone was still on the bus, they were in here.

Double fuck.

I could see two pairs of shoes clearly from my position under the bed. Noah’s Converse at the front, Nick’s combat boots right beside him, and beyond them I could make out Folio’s Docs. They took slow, deliberate steps into the room, making sure there was no one to be found. I was seconds away from giving myself away before they ever even got the chance to see me. I held my breath, trying to slow my heartbeat that I just knew was echoing throughout the bus.

“Hey guys,” Folio whispered from the doorway. “I know you’re obviously in the middle of something, but we have to go. We need to get ready on stage. We’re going on in about thirty minutes.”

Noah cursed under his breath as he gave up his search before getting the chance to check under the bed. He let Nick walk ahead of him as both of them turned to leave the room.

Oh thank fuck. 

Saved by the bell. I never thought I’d be so happy to know they were about to go on stage. Now I just needed to wait until they got off the bus and were heading into the venue before I got the fuck out of here. 

The door began to close behind Noah as I thought about what Folio had just said. They had to be on in about thirty minutes.

I’m so fucked.

No sooner had the thought crossed my mind, my alarm began to blare out of my phone signaling it was 8:30PM. 

In a panic, I tried to silence my phone before they heard it, scrambling to get it out of my jeans pocket and hit the snooze button. I was so busy trying to quell the noise, I didn’t hear the door open again, nor did I hear Noah crouch down in front of the bed. And I certainly was taken off guard when he grabbed a handful of my hair and began to pull me out from underneath his bed.

I dropped my phone, alarm still going off, and grasped at his hand in my hair, trying to get some reprieve from the pressure. I sucked in air through my teeth at the pain, and tried to gain traction with my shoes against the carpeted floor to delay the inevitable. After a few moments of struggling, Noah was able to get my head and arms out from under the bed. As if on cue, Nick and Folio each grabbed one of my hands and pulled me the rest of the way out. 

Once I was fully out from underneath the bed, Noah snatched me up onto my feet by my hair. He looked at me with anger, followed quickly by recognition, then confusion, before settling back on anger. 

He let go of my hair just long enough to grip my neck and throw me against his wall. “Y/N?! What the actual fuck?!”

I wrapped my hands around his wrist as his fingers dug into my throat, uselessly trying to get some air.

Folio placed a hand on Noah’s shoulder, “Hey man,” He started. “You've got to let her breathe.”

Noah’s hand loosened just enough for me to gasp in a breath of air that ended in a sharp cough. “You can breathe, so you can talk. I’ll ask again. What the actual fuck?”

Noah’s voice was calm, low, deadly. I’d never seen him like this, but I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of talking, not when he couldn’t give me the satisfaction of an answer to his transgressions. Instead, I just stared defiantly at him.

“Fuck, man,” Nick said, hands running through his hair. “We've got to go dude. Like, we've really got to go.”

“Cancel it.” Noah didn’t even glance back at Nick as he said it.

Nick physically flinched at the tone of Noah’s voice. 

Folio tried next. “Noah, seriously. We can’t cancel less than thirty minutes before the show. We have to go.”

I wasn’t sure if they were trying to convince him to leave for their benefit or mine, but I was grateful either way. The look in Noah’s eyes was terrifying, but it was also causing heat to pool low in my abdomen, and I had no interest in unpacking that feeling, so I needed him to let me go and leave.

As if he could read my mind, he sighed and turned back to Nick and Folio. “Fine.”

I could have cried.

“Grab me the rope from the utility closet. We’ll make her nice and comfortable, and then we’ll go play our show.” Noah looked back at me. “She can answer my questions when we’re done.”

Well, fuck.

An hour and a half passed while I sat there tied up. The longest hour and a half of my life. I assumed they would be back quicker, but apparently having a hostage tied up wasn’t a good enough reason to hurry things along.

I was laying on Noah’s bed, wrists zip tied together with rope connecting the zip ties to the bed. My feet were spread, each being tied to one metal post by rope. Of course, Noah got sick of me mouthing off about what a dick he was so there was a bandana in my mouth, tied around the back of my head.

“You’re so pretty when you’re bound and gagged.” Noah had whispered into my hair as he finished tying the knot behind my head.

I had shuddered, and I’d like to think it was from revulsion, but my body had other ideas.

That was then, though. Me and my body were on the same wavelength now. We were pissed. He had kept me here for far too long. I was irritated, my wrists were sore, and I had to pee. I swear the people being kidnapped in the movies never have to pee. 

I had half a mind to wet myself in Noah’s bed, just to see his reaction when he came back. I had almost talked myself into it when I heard the bedroom door open. 

Looking over, Noah stood silhouetted in the doorway, one hand on the doorknob and the other on the door frame. He looked out of breath, chest heaving rhythmically. I just glared at him.

“Oh good, you’re still here.” He smirked. “I’m going to go take a shower. Wash the funk of the show off me. Then, we’ll talk.”

I was screaming beyond my gag, which was pointless as he had already shut the door and started the shower. What an insufferable asshole. Being riled up again made me completely forget about my full bladder as I thrashed around, which really only made things worse for me. 

By the time Noah emerged again, shoulder length hair dripping onto his shirtless chest and a towel wrapped around his lower half, I was exhausted. My wrists were throbbing, my throat hurt, my mouth was dry, and my ankles were starting to burn from where the rope rubbed them. He looked like a pornstar, and I looked like a mess. 

I watched Noah reach into his dresser to grab a pair of gray sweatpants and a black tank top. Then, he turned and faced me, and dropped his towel.

I wish I could tell you I looked away - or at the very least closed my eyes - but I didn’t. My gaze quickly fell to the towel as it came unraveled from around his waist, and then locked intently at what it was covering. 

As if he had all the time in the world, Noah bent forward and slowly began to put on his sweatpants, and I followed his every move until he tucked himself inside of them. His shirt was on much quicker, but I couldn’t help but notice how much drier my mouth seemed after watching his arms flex as he pulled it over his head. 

Noah slowly prowled towards me, a fire blazing in his eyes, and I couldn’t tell if it was lust or hatred that was behind them. 

Once he reached the bed, he dropped to his knees beside me and untied the bandana from behind my head, letting his fingers graze my cheeks as he removed it from my mouth.

“Are you ready to talk?”

“Go fuck yourself, Detective Asshole.” I spit. “This isn’t an interrogation for me. It should be one for you.”

Noah looked amused at my remark. “For me? I didn’t realize I was the one that had broken into my own tour bus and vandalized it. You realize you caused tens of thousands of dollars in damages right?”

I had realized that, but hearing it said out loud made me feel small. “I’m aware of what I did, Noah, but are you?”

“Tell me, Y/N, what did I do?”

All those months of anger, all those months of planning, all the pain - it came down to this right here, this confrontation. It wasn’t happening as I had expected it to, but I’d take what I could get.

Just as I had begun to formulate my verbal attack against him, tears welled in my eyes, and the first word I tried to say turned into a sob.

Noah’s face fell. The hardened criminal persona I had tried to portray crumbled as the hurt he had caused washed over me. 

“You...” I had to pause as the sobs wracked my body. “You left me, Noah. You broke my heart. Not just once, but twice. You broke my soul. Shattered it and left me in pieces. And then you came back into my life, just to give me a second of hope. Of happiness. And then you stole it away. You took everything I had to live for. You took every chance I ever had of loving anyone ever again. You were it for me, Noah. The only thing that kept me going day in and day out, and losing you the first time, I had to learn to live with only half of me.”

Tears flowed silently down my face as I continued. “Leaving me the last time? You took the rest of me with you. The damage I’ve caused to your bus is the smallest glimpse of the pain you’ve caused me. It doesn’t even scratch the surface, and you deserve so much more for what you’ve done!”

I watched as tears tracked lines down Noah’s face. I watched as the fire he had when he came into the room was smothered. I watched as the boy I fell in love with, the one I knew all those years ago, resurfaced. Gone was the hardened Noah Sebastian. This, this was Noah Davis; the love of my life, my soul mate, my reason for being. And I watched as he crumbled as he realized how badly he had hurt me.

“Y/N, you don’t understand.” He started, choking up and having to clear his throat as he continued. “I had to.”

“You didn’t have to do anything, Noah.” I couldn’t back down now. “You could have let me in! You could have let me love you. You could have done anything except fuck me over, but you’re selfish and it’s all you know how to do. All you’ve ever done is shut out anyone who got too close. I don’t even think you know what the meaning of love is at this point.”

He looked so broken, his eyes mirrored the pain I had been feeling these past seven months. “I couldn’t bring you into this life, Y/N! Not like this. I changed, I was different, there was no way you could ever want who I became. I was saving you from me!”

There it was. The reason Noah left. He was trying to save me from him?

“Noah, that’s not your decision to make! You should have given me a chance to decide for myself if I could be with the person you became. Spoiler alert, I can! I love you, Noah Davis. With every fiber of my being and every inch of my soul. There is no one else for me. Why can’t you see that?”

I watched as realization dawned on him, watched as he realized how big of a mistake he made, and it was almost satisfying enough to make up for everything he did to me.

“Oh, fuck.” He whispered. “I fucked up. I fucked up worse than I could have possibly imagined. How could I have been so stupid?”

“All I’ve ever wanted was you, Noah, in whatever version of yourself that you are. It’s just you.”

He lowered his forehead to mine and closed his eyes, “What can I do to make this up to you? What can I do to begin to earn your forgiveness? You’re all I want Y/N, if you’ll still have me.”

I shut my eyes and tried to think, my mind working furiously to try to come up with something, anything to say. This was going so far differently than I had ever imagined, but maybe it would have the same outcome?

“You could start by untying me?” I asked softly, and even I heard the seductive edge in my tone. 

Noah’s head snapped up, and he reached up to undo the rope that bound my zip tied wrists to the bed. He stopped short, though, glancing at my face and then running his eyes down my body to where my legs were spread, tied to his bed. He took his time staring before slowly meeting my gaze again.

There was that fire again. 

“I don’t know.” He stood then, and I looked to see his growing erection pressing against his sweats. “I did say you were so pretty when you were bound and gagged. I meant it.”

I felt wetness at my core and desperately tried to rub my thighs together, anything to get some friction where I desperately needed it. I hadn’t had sex since that fateful night with Noah all those months ago, and I was definitely feeling the effects of that loss now. 

 Noah’s eyes glanced at my thighs, and a grin spread across his face,

“Do you like the sound of that? Does my girl want to get fucked while she’s tied up?”

I could only whimper in response, but Noah took that as all the invitation he needed to push his sweatpants down, freeing his erection. He slowly stroked his shaft, once, twice, making sure my eyes were watching his hand as he worked himself. I could feel my breath quicken as I licked my lips, desperate to feel him. 

“Would you like a taste, princess?” I nodded and locked eyes with him as he moved closer, lining his cock up with my lips. I gently licked his tip, where a bead of precum had formed. This caused his head to tilt back, which gave me the opportunity to wrap my mouth around his head, using my tongue to caress the base of his cock. 

He pulled away from me, and I whined at the loss of him. “Not so fast,” He chuckled. “I’m in control here, isn’t that right?”

“God, yes Noah.” I groaned.

“That’s a good girl." He stated as he lined himself up with my lips again. “Are you going to let me fuck that pretty mouth of yours the way I want?”

“Yes.” I whispered against him, and as soon as my mouth opened, he forced his cock inside, slamming all the way to the back of my throat. I gagged harshly, and he used the momentum to shove even further down my throat, cutting off any air supply I had and making me try to jerk back reactively. 

His hand wrapped tightly in my hair. He held me down, face flush against his stomach, as my throat worked to swallow his entire length. 

He moaned above me. “Fuck Y/N, you feel so fucking good gagging against my cock.”

He held me down another few seconds before giving me reprieve, and I gasped in air as he pulled back. 

“You’re such a fucking good girl.” He muttered as his free hand lightly caressed my cheek. I savored the gentle touch for a moment, eyes closed before he pulled away. I had just a second to mourn the loss of his hand before I felt him smack me, just hard enough to surprise me.

I gasped at the contact which gave him another opportunity to force himself down my throat. He continued relentlessly fucking my throat until it felt raw. Tears were streaming down my face and my makeup was far from ruined. His hand remained tight in my hair, causing a soreness to build on my scalp.

After what felt like an eternity, but was likely no more than fifteen minutes, Noah removed his cock from my mouth and his hand from my hair. I took in big mouthfuls of air, luxuriating in being able to take full breaths, in comparison to the small reprieve I had earlier.

I focused on calming my breathing, in through the nose, out through the mouth. Same as always. 

Noah looked down at me hungrily. “Ready for more baby girl?”

“More?” I croaked.

A dark chuckle escaped him as his hands reached for the button on my jeans. “We’re only getting started.”

Getting my jeans down far enough proved to be a very un-sexy task filled with a lot of curses from Noah as he tried to figure out how to maneuver them down. He settled for untying my legs one at a time, and pulling each pant leg off before tying my legs to the bed posts again.

Once he had me repositioned the way he wanted me, he nestled himself in between my legs, looking up at me briefly before clamping his mouth around my clit, his tongue circling it relentlessly. My back arched off the bed and a moan that sounded more like a scream escaped my lips.

“Fuck, Noah.”

He hummed with his mouth still pressed against me, causing my body to convulse at the sensation. It had been far too long, and I was going to come long before he was finished, I just knew it.

As if he had read my mind, Noah slipped a finger in between my lips, teasing at my entrance before plunging first one, and then two fingers deep inside of me.

“Oh, God!” I groaned, feeling the orgasm building low in my abdomen. 

He curled his fingers inside of me, reaching up to the spot that he knew would have me coming undone in seconds. His fingers worked inside of me, and his mouth worked at my clit, guiding me closer and closer to the edge. Not a minute later, my orgasm crashed into me, a scream in the form of Noah’s name leaving my lips.

Noah’s mouth and fingers slowed as he coaxed the last of the spasms out of me, and I came down from the high of my orgasm.

I looked down at him as he withdrew his fingers from inside of me, making eye contact as he licked them clean, which caused another shudder to run through me. 

“Fuck, you taste amazing, princess.” Noah pulled himself up, pushing himself onto all fours and crawling up towards me. His mouth hovered over mine as he whispered. “Would you like a taste?”

I didn’t get to answer before his mouth was on me, and his tongue was dancing with mine. His hand reached down between my legs and his fingers made contact with my sensitive clit, making me groan beneath him.

I felt him smile against my lips. “Sensitive, sweetheart?” I could only whimper in response.

He continued circling my clit lightly as I fought against the restraints,

“Please, Noah.” I couldn’t take it anymore. 

“That’s right, princess. Beg me.” His fingers left my clit, granting me my request. 

I had enough time to sigh in relief before his cock slid deep inside of me. He pushed into me as deep as he could before pausing, a tremor running through his body. “God, you feel so good baby girl.”

My hands itched to run through his hair and I longed to rake my nails down his back.

This was what torture felt like. 

Noah rose up onto his knees, his cock never straying from inside of me and began to fuck me. This wasn’t the awkward sex of our youth, or the passionate lovemaking of our young adulthood. This was raw, fiery fucking. 

The slap of his skin on mine was deafening, nearly drowning out my screams of pleasure. 

“That’s it, Y/N. Take all of me like the good girl I know you are.”

Noah leaned over me and placed his hand over my mouth, “Take a deep breath, love.”

I glanced at him, begging my eyes to come into focus to try and make out what he was asking me to do. I took a deep breath just seconds before his hand inched up to cover my nose along with my mouth. His other hand snaked around my neck and began to squeeze.

He began to pound into me harder, and I tried to gasp against his hand and the pressure on my throat. I felt my lungs begin to burn and my eyes widened in panic. I started to thrash against the restraints, but fuck I was so close to coming. 

Just as I thought my lungs could take no more, my orgasm hit me like a ton of bricks, and Noah removed both of his hands causing the blood to rush back into my head, and giving my orgasm an extra boost that had me screaming his name over and over.

Noah leaned back again, cock thrusting deep inside of me and never losing stride as his thumb started to circle my clit again.

I was so far gone that it was no longer too sensitive to touch, and I was on my way to chasing another orgasm.

Noah could tell I was getting worn out. “Just give me one more, baby. I know you can.”

“Please, Noah.” I didn’t know what I was begging for any more. For him to finish? For more? I couldn’t tell.

His thrusts became harder, faster and his breath came in quick gasps. He was getting close.

“Do you know why your pussy is so wet, Y/N?” He asked me.

It took a few tries and I had to wet my lips with my tongue before I could answer weakly. “Why?”

He was pounding into me harder than he had before, and I could feel my orgasm building, taking me higher and higher.

“Because it’s mine, baby girl.”

That was all it took to send me careening over the edge into oblivion. A myriad of curses left Noah’s lips as he thrust into me, once, twice before stilling as he finished inside me. 

Noah took a few minutes to slow his breathing before he began the work of untying me. He carefully removed each zip tie and the ropes before beginning to massage my wrists and ankles where they were rubbed raw from the abuse. He kissed me lightly before picking me up and carrying me into the bathroom. He finished undressing me before guiding me into the hot shower, steam rising around me. 

He joined me in the shower, and started washing my hair, my body, taking great care around the places that were sore. I had no use of my arms and legs and my body felt disconnected from my mind.

Is this what heaven felt like? I felt so free, so loose. God, I missed this.

Noah turned off the shower, the cold wrapping around me. I sighed. Why did it have to end so soon?

I felt a towel rubbing against my skin as Noah began to dry me off. He grabbed hold of my hand and walked me back to his bedroom after tucking the towel tightly around my body.

“Sit.” He commanded, pointing to his bed.

I immediately obliged and he crawled in behind me, sitting up against my back as he began to brush my hair.

I moaned and leaned into his touch, which caused him to chuckle lightly. “Did I wear you out, my love?” He asked.

“You know you did, you cocky asshole.” This garnered a full belly laugh from him, which vibrated against me. 

Noah put the brush down and buried his face into my neck, his arms wrapping around me, “I missed you so much, Y/N.”

“I missed you too, Noah.”

With a sigh he got up from behind me, going to his dresser to grab one of his t-shirts and a pair of his boxers for me to wear. I swam in his oversized shirts, and I loved it.

He slipped back on his sweats but remained shirtless. 

“We have to get on the road in a few hours.” Noah started. “Should I take you back to where you’re staying?”

I shook my head and smiled. “I have tickets to your next four shows.”

Noah blinked at me, before the biggest smile plastered his face. “You do?” He looked uncertain as he asked. “Maybe you could ride with us then?”

I took a moment to contemplate, “Are you sure that would be okay? I don’t want to intrude.”

“You could never intrude, Y/N. I would love it if you stayed. I want to spend every day with you.” Noah grasped my hands in his. “I want a life with you.”

I stared deeply into his eyes, it was everything I had wanted to hear all those months ago. To save myself from another fit of crying, I just nodded in response. Noah leaned down and kissed each of my fingers, one by one.

“Let me update the guys. Get dressed, make yourself comfortable. Maybe grab a snack from the kitchen and we can watch a scary movie until we fall asleep when I get back?” Noah was already up and heading out the door as he finished his sentence.

It wasn’t thirty minutes later I heard the rest of the boys quietly conversing in the living area, and Noah bidding them a good night before walking towards his room. I was curled up on his bed, a bag of Hot Cheetos on one side, and Watermelon Sour Patch Kids on the other.

“How did that go?” I smiled up at him.

He crawled in bed next to me, laying his head on my lap and moving the bag of Hot Cheetos out of his way. “Better than it could have gone. I told them I’d pay for the damages to the bus, but they were all happy to hear you would be joining us on the tour. At least for a little bit, right?”

“Yeah, you’ve got me for now.” I ran my hands through his hair. “Mind if I put on Halloween?”

I didn’t give him the option of an answer before pressing play. He just snickered and traced his fingers up and down my calf.

By the time we made it halfway through Halloween 2, Noah was on his side next to me and I was laying on his chest. His fingers ran idly up and down my back and I listened to the steady beat of his heart.

Noah’s fingers started slowing and his breathing became steady.

“I love you, Y/N,” He whispered before he drifted off to sleep.

I smiled. “I wish we could stay like this forever, Noah.”

Noah

I was dreaming about her, like I did most nights. These were happier dreams than usual. Her and I were sitting in the grass, mountains behind us and a lake in front of us. It was perfect. Just like her.

I looked over in my dream and she was smiling, laughing, looking more beautiful than I had ever seen another human being look. I placed my hand on her stomach, round with our child, my wedding band glistening in the early morning light. This is what true happiness was. Me, my wife, and our child - our daughter, just about to enter this world where she would be loved and cherished more than any other child had ever been.

This was our happily ever after.

I woke slowly, hesitant to leave my dreamscape, but eager to wake up next to the woman of my dreams. I stretched, feeling my back pop and groaning at the relief it brought me. Shows always made me so sore the next day, and last night’s activities sure didn’t help with that either. My cock twitched in my pants at the thought, and I was excited at the prospect of round two.

I reached over, searching for her with my eyes still closed, but found the bed cold and empty where she should be.

My eyes flew open and I jolted upright, scanning the room. 

Where was she?

Panic filled my veins as my breath came in short gasps, and my lungs felt like they couldn’t get enough air.

Other sounds started to filter in as my pulse quickened, and I heard the shower running. My body relaxed instantly, sagging as a low chuckle escaped me.

Of course she was in the shower. Where else would she be?

I took my time getting out of bed and leaving my room, heading towards the bathroom to join her.

I tried the door, but it was locked. Smart, there were three other men on this bus.

I knocked. “Y/N? Can I come in?”

I heard the shower turn off and wet footsteps make their way across the room before the door opened. 

I smiled as I looked into the eyes of the woman I love, and fixed my mouth to tell her good morning...before realizing it was Folio standing in front of me.

“Uh, Noah?” Folio looked confused. “Y/N is definitely not in here with me, I swear dude.”

My face fell, glancing around him. I almost wished she was in there with him. A pit formed in my stomach and I stumbled back into my room, frantically tearing it apart looking for my phone. As soon as I found it, I dialed her number by heart. I placed the phone to my ear, heart pounding so loud I was afraid I wouldn’t hear when she answered.

(In my head, Noah is in his late 40s for this fic!)

It was cold and snowy outside. It was mid-winter and your dad, Joakim, thought it'd be a good idea to go out to his cabin in Washington. None of you expected it to snow this much, but nonetheless, it did.

You tried telling him over and over that it wasn't a good idea, but the stubborn man he was, you and the band packed your bags and made the trip.

You all lived in LA, so the trip wasn't horrible, but it was undoubtedly cramped. you were squished between Noah and Nicholas.

Nicholas was considerably tall compared to you, but Noah was a giant. A giant with spider-like legs.

“Noah move your legs!”

“I'm really trying! There's not much space here!!” Noah whined as Nicholas laughed at your bickering.

Without saying, it was a long ride. You all had to stop at a hotel somewhere in Oregon because it was all too much for the group.

The day you arrived, the snow was already falling but your dad assured everyone it wouldn't get too bad.

In his defense, it did stop…until that night. It was ankle by the time you all woke up. That's when Jokiam and the Nick's went out to get a ton of groceries.

You were invited, but you denied. You loved the cold, but the snow made your pants wet and it was never something you enjoyed.

“Well, if you're staying here, Noah is staying with you.”

“What?! Dad, I'm literally 20! I don't need a babysitter.

Your father went on about how you shouldn't look at it as babysitting. More as someone to “keep you safe” just in case.

You rolled your eyes. It wasn't like you hated Noah. It was quite the opposite. You didn't trust yourself around Noah.

His tattooed muscles and deep voice was enough to send you into a frenzy. It made your cunt soaked and your knees weak.

Your dad left before you could protest once again.

“Well, looks like it's just me and you, y/n.” Noah said, his arms dropping to his side.

You sighed and went up the wooden stairs that led to your room.

“Don't look so happy about it!” He chuckled from the living room.

You smacked against your bed, letting out a sigh and covered your face.

You decided to busy yourself with reading one of the multiple books you brought with you.

You had picked up “A Christmas Carol” by Charles Dickens. It truly was a classic, but you hadn't read it before.

About 30 pages in and you noticed the sun starting to set. You had called your dad, wondering where he and the other guys had gone and what was taking so long.

“The road is blocked. We tried going around, but it looks like we'll have to get a hotel for the night. Sorry, hun. We'll be back as soon as possible.”

“So I'm here. Alone. With Noah?”

“Honestly, I'm not sure what your problem is with him! He's nice, y/n.”

After conversing (bickering) for a couple more minutes, your dad had to go.

You knew you'd have to go tell Noah. You were already changed into your pajamas and just wanted the night to end so your body and mind wouldn't have to go through the torture of being alone with him.

Being alone with his warm body..his cologne, which you could smell every time you walked passed him. His fingers, his hair…

You shook your head, ridding the thoughts from your conscience as you walked down the stairs, you heard him giggling at his phone.

His hair was long and gorgeous, it was all put up into a claw clip. You would have stood there and appreciated him from afar forever if he didn't notice you.

“Oh, um, Noah, my dad and the guys are stuck because of the storm. They're getting a hotel for the night and- AH!!”

Your eyes went wide as the lights in the house shut off.

“Fuck. It's okay, y/n. It's just the storm.”

Noah found his way to you, pulling your shaking and anxious body into his arms.

You were terrified of the dark. This was the worst possible scenario to find yourself in. You took in Noah's scent. His cologne was soothing.

“I have to find some..fucking, like..candles or some shit.”

You laughed at his tone. He sounded so clueless, like he was wracking his brain trying to figure out what to do.

“Here, take my phone, use the flashlight until I'm back. You gunna be okay, angel?” His hand caressed your face as he sat you down on the couch.

You nodded and took in what he just said. Angel? He had never called you any pet names before. You figured it was just the situation, possibly making him more sympathetic towards you.

You heard him rummaging through boxes as you sat on the couch. It was so fucking cold, you couldn't help but shiver. You had a sweater on but you could feel the coldness seep in through the fabric.

“Okay, I have candles set up in both of our rooms. We can hang out together until you are ready to go to bed. Sound good?” His voice was low and seemingly sounded caring.

It almost made your heart flutter. He took your hand and you stuck to him like a magnet. He must have felt you shiver against him in the process, because he helped you under the covers once you reached his room.

The candles helped tremendously, the room was lowly visible, it was better than the pitch black of the living room.

He crawled under the blanket with you.

“Noah? You don't-”

“Shut up…you're cold. That's all.”

You nodded and sighed as his arms wrapped around you. His hand came up, petting your hair.

You both started small talk. It was comfortable, not awkward and weird like it was with other people.

You looked up at him.

“I guess I am kinda glad you stayed here with me..” You gave him a sheepish smile.

“Oh yeah? You better be.”

Your body was warm now, no need to be in the position you were in, other than the factor of comfort.

Something switched in his eyes, as it did with yours. Your thoughts were once again running wild.

This is wrong. This is so wrong. He's twice your age, he's your dads friend. Your friends would consider him an old man for god's sake!

There was a burning deep in your stomach. Somehow, you understood that Noah felt it too. Your hands, which were once curled up into your chest, now rest upon Noah's bare chest.

You weren't sure when he took it off, but you didn't have any reason to complain. You were subconsciously tracing the lines of his tattoos. Noah pulled you closer and lowered his hand, now resting on your hip.

Your hand felt every dip and curve of his skin as it went up to cradle his face.

“I don't wanna sleep alone tonight..” You whispered, only loud enough for him to hear as if others were in the house.

He looked your face up and down before softly pressing your lips together. The kiss was intense and hot while at the same time, soft and sweet. Your lips intertwined together felt so right. Like this is where you were supposed to be.

You pulled away, swallowing the lump in your throat.

“You don't have to, angel.” He smiled before connecting your lips once more.

Your arms wrapped around his neck. This kiss wasn't like the last one. It was hungry and needy. Your tongues danced together and you pushed yourself against his body, wanting to be as close to him as humanly possible.

His hands dipped into your sweatpants, grasping at your ass. His hands were so warm, like fire on your skin.

It all unfolded so fast. You started to grind your hips against his growing bulge.

“I've been waiting for you for so long, y/n.” He was out of breath, the distance between your two faces felt stuffy and crowded but neither of you had anything to say about it.

“You have no idea…” You smiled back, your fingers now doing the same as his and peeping into his pants.

“Let me have it, please.” You said, palming at his bulge through his boxers.

He was quick to remove his bottom clothing along with yours. You didn't move from the position you were in. You threw your leg over Noah's hip, giving him full access.

He slid his tip throughout your wetness, hoping to make it easy to push into you.

As he did so, you gasped. He was thick and the perfect length. It stretched you out perfect.

You softly whined, moving your hips ever so slightly, hoping he would catch on.

He gasped as he started to fuck into you. The space between you felt almost non-existent. Your lips were ghosting over each other with each thrust Noah gave you.

Your breathy moans were hitting Noah's face. His jaw clenched and he littered your neck with open mouthed kisses.

“Oh fuck, this is so wrong.” You muttered.

“I don't care. You're too perfect for my cock.” Noah's words were low and caring, yet so deep and almost like he was growling.

Your heart felt like it was going to explode and your stomach felt like it was tying itself in knots.

“Don't. Not yet, baby. Don't want this to end…fucking ever..” Noah pulled you in closer and put his full body into his thrusts.

His body was grinding against yourself and his skin felt hot radiating onto yours.

Noah was barely visible under the candle lit room, but you could see every facial expression ever so slightly. His hair was sticking to his forehead.

It felt euphoric. It felt un-fucking-real. With previous partners, it had never felt like this. It felt like you were off some kind of party drug. Noah's cock was doing this to you? You almost couldn't believe it.

Noah's fingernails were digging into your skin on your hips, slowly dragging across your body.

The soft burn the scratches Noah gave you were all too much.

Noah, seemingly knowing you were close, barely sped up.

You dug your fingers into his shoulders before entering your orgasm. Your body convulsed against him. You felt Noah's cock pump thick ropes of his babies into you.

His grunts and jagged hip movements made you weak.

As you came down and back to reality, your chest was heaving and Noah gave you a kiss on your forehead.

“I can’t believe we did that.” Noah chuckled.

You laughed and rolled your eyes.

“You're my secret.” You said, kissing his chest.