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family feud is a national treasure

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my wretched computer, whirring in pain: please your majesty may i update

me, looking down at my subject from atop an ivory throne, sipping wine from a glass made out of a skull as i scroll through tumblr dot com: i think not

chessys

the purge but in reverse everything is illegal for 24hrs so we all just go to bed and be quiet for a bit

perplexistan

snorlaxatives

i can’t believe there are still people in high school like… it’s literally 2017 grow up already

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wwinterweb

thefingerfuckingfemalefury

WE DO NOT DESERVE DOGS

danielkanhai

i like when you’re in the grocery store and you see people buying eggs because they always pick up the carton and then open it like it’s a metal briefcase full of cash involved in a drug deal and they’re confirming it’s money. “don’t bother counting it, it’s all there. 12.” then they always pick one up and inspect it like, “yeah, it’s grade A alright…the real deal.”

sheriffsunshine

People are checking to see if any of the eggs are cracked you walnut

awildswan

youreouttayourtree-deactivated2

ladies dont start fights, but they can finish them.

hexlockspear

that is a cat with a hairbow how is that relevant to the caption

hindre-blog1

shudderingeyes

Uncultured swine

gifthetv

Since its debut in 1975 only 10 black women have hosted Saturday Night Live.

iraffiruse

gloryychildren

NO PHOTOSET HAS MADE ME HAPPIER.

pixiedust-paycheck

MY FAVORITE PHOTOSET IS BACK

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Me: *Drops chocolate on the floor.*

Me: 👀

My Dog: 👀

*Kill Bill Sirens*

adults: college 2 expensive??? just apply 4 scholarships!! it's that easy!! apply to every singl one and u can pay 4 the college, ur just a lazy millennial (:

scholarships: $500 Scholarship, must be grad student majoring in neurobiology, must provide SSN, very large essay, impressive resume, published work and research, birth certificate, organ donor, ran a marathon. also ur competing against 2 million other students, good luck!!

me: why

xueyangapologist

a nsa agent in a suit looking through my laptop camera: she’s on her phone…….. our data shows that she’s got tumblr open on her laptop but she has tumblr open on her phone………. double check her browser?

some nerd hired straight out of college: *types rapidly* she’s definitely got tumblr open on her laptop

the nsa agent, softly: so why is she looking at it on her phone…..

hollyjpaulsen-deactivated202204

My husband and myself have served in the military. When we call home from overseas, our lines are monitored and on a short delay so no sensitive information is revealed. The line will just go dead if you say something you’re not supposed to.

Now, these calls are monitored by a department in the military called Signal corps. When we’d talk on my husband’s last deployment, we had a running joke that we said hi to “Signal Guy Fred.”

So this continued for his entire 12 month deployment, and we made sure we said hi or bye to “Signal Guy Fred” every phone call. On his final phone call before returning home we made sure to thank “Signal Guy Fred” for his time and wish him farewell.

So, before I disconnect the call, I wish “Fred” the best and thank him for his service. My phone was on speaker mode (I was cooking dinner) and my finger was hovering over the end call button when I hear the softest little, “My name’s Jason.”

andthenweloved

pro tip: before you support Autism Speaks, consider listening to the hundred and thousands of autistic people telling you not to

andthenweloved

it’s a good time to bring this post back this month i feel

yaddle-archive-deactivated20181

me not caring a single bit about game of thrones

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civilwhore

ciryes

Reddit has put up a giant virtual canvas where users can modify a single pixel every 10 minutes, and honestly it’s quickly turned into the most impressive work of art an internet hivemind ever made

proletherian-dictatorship

how did they manage to write the entire “darth plagueis the wise” thing. also is that actually existing left unity I’m seeing at the left edge of the canvas

c17h25n

I'm working on the hearts right now

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