So from then on whenever one of us called something problematic, he would make us talk it out until we could name the “bad” thing we were hinting at. In this particular class, 7/10 it was some type of oppression, and the remainder was like, “I’m uncomfortable because this is very new/confusing/pushing boundaries that made me feel safe.”

Once we stopped calling things “problematic” and stopping at that, class got way more interesting and... we all had to say, like, “that’s racist” or “that’s misogynistic” or “ew capitalism gross” out loud, which a lot of us had never done in a classroom before. Or we had to be like, “Uhhh... I’m not sure what’s so bad?” and confront our own beliefs and that was maybe even more useful.

Boston Robotics-looking robot baristas are here. Now everyone is forced to consume a jar of coffee a day. Each person must select one of the 7 jars in the image above. The robots will deliver this jar to you every day and prepare it for you on-site.

The exclusive set of available customizations to your coffee are:

decaf,

raising the temperature,

lowering the temperature,

choice of bean,

choice of roast (e.g. in-person, televised, online)

choice of milk (e.g. celebrity-, mammal-, or plant-based),

choice of sweetener,

method of consumption, and

speed of consumption

There are no exemptions for:

caffeine sensitivity, lactose intolerance, allergens, or otherwise adverse reactions

diabetes, IBS, high blood pressure, or other medical conditions

religious, medical, moral, cultural, or personal restrictions, abstainments, or fasts

age, height, or caloric intake

housing status, delivery access, or residence type

insufficient consciousness, coherence, or freedom of movement

The robots will interpret the following actions as a willful failure to comply:

Refusing the coffee

Attempting to modify, combine, or mix the contents of your jar with other jars

Pouring the coffee into something else

Requesting a different style of coffee

Modifying the jar into a different style of coffee

Not finishing the coffee yourself

Dying

The robots will interpret the following actions as being rude:

Negotiating the terms

Requesting clarification on the terms

Asking hypotheticals

Asking to have the coffee delivered in a different jar

Attempting to drink the coffee from a different container

Attempting to Taskmaster Logic your way out of this

Not letting them prepare it for you

Not letting them watch you drink it

Dying

The robots will allow the following actions:

Taking 23 hours, 23 minutes, and 59 seconds following the delivery to finish the coffee

Readjusting the coffee's temperature

Gettin' real comfy with it

Having a little sip of every jar from their sample tray within your day's time limit

Getting a different jar every day

Starting to drink it, being like, "Oh no, this was supposed to be soy milk," and getting the robot to make you a new jar fifteen times in a row within your day's limit

15% tip

Dying

The robots are actually pretty chill so they're not gonna freak out if you make a face or a noise or anything. But it should go without saying that failing to comply or being rude will result in being force-fed the coffee.