Somethin... or rather nothin!

Human s/o: Don’t push me away! I’m not afraid of you!!

How could you hide this beautiful thing in the tags?

human, concerned: if you’re getting angry and breaking things when you shift, there’s therapy for that and-

I would also have to be chained or in an enclosed space only because I will chase animals... and might get hit by a car.

Just put me in one of those dog racing tracks that have greyhounds chasing that lil flag.

Maybe I have more problems then I realized...

you deserve aftercare.

i know that’s not always the narrative. i know a lot of you have been conditioned to believe that your job is to take care of everyone else and then quietly put yourself back together after. that needing reassurance makes you soft. that asking for tenderness after makes you too much. that your role means you don’t get to need things the way your partner does.

that’s not true. and i need you to hear that.

the amount of presence you bring. the care you put into making someone feel safe and seen and taken care of. the way you hold everything together and pay attention to every small detail. that deserves to be acknowledged. that deserves to be met with the same tenderness you gave.

you are allowed to need to be held after. you are allowed to need someone to look at you and tell you that you did well. that they felt good. that they felt safe. that you were exactly what they needed. you are allowed to have those questions racing in your head and need them answered out loud.

there is nothing weak about that. there is nothing wrong with you for wanting it.

and if you’ve never had it. if you’ve been giving and giving and leaving empty every time. i want you to know that the right person will not let you leave empty. the right person will pull you close and hold your face and make you look at them and tell you every single thing you needed to hear.

you deserve that. you have always deserved that.

i dont think yall understand how being a butch ass lesbian in the wild will wear you down. straight men will hate you for not fitting their idea of what a woman is. straight women will see you in a predatory and homophobic light. uneducated queer people will tell you that you dont get to be part of the lesbian community because of the pronouns you use. many lesbians will tell you that your presentation is ugly and that they dont like that you are “trying to be a man.” i could literally go on for paragraphs and paragraphs.

femme lesbians see all these things and go “hey i like you, not in spite of who you are, but BECAUSE of it” when virtually no one else does. femmes have changed my life. they have made me more confident. in a world that doesn’t like me, they have made me feel like i can be everything i want to be and still be desirable.

you’ll have to forgive me if i dont feel offended when they expect to wear my jacket or some shit in return. she can wear my jacket. ill be cold. shit, she can KEEP that thing. what femmes give butches is not able to be repaid.

femmes-if you read some shit about being ungrateful or misogynistic (literally what) for wanting acts of service from butches, please ignore. you guys do enough for us.

I'm butch because I'm masculine, yes, but also because i really like being expected to fill more masculine roles. These are things that werent expected of me growing up so its really fucking affirming when a femme waits for me to open a door for her, or let's me give her my jacket, or asks for my help in a way that is traditionally seen as a man's job. I live for that shit. I want to be the chivalrous butch that no man could compare to. I like doting on the people I love.

We butches do benefit, we just do not talk about it. It would be a waste of our breath and time cause most do not listen and I know this because I have seen butches and femmes try explaining it but people still do not listen. From an external point of view it is harder to see how femmes care for butches if you are not looking for it, their ways are subtle but impactful whereas butches taking care of femmes is more easily visible seen. Femmes also help keep us safe, it just looks different from the ways we keep femmes safe.

Of course every butch and every femme is different and different people have different dynamics but that does not stop the relationship; be it romantic or platonic, from being symbiotic.

I get this question a lot, from questioning butches and non-butches alike. Disclaimer, this is my own personal experience, and any other butch that does not relate to this is totally valid as well.

Being butch means I love protecting. I love making sure people feel protected, feel loved, and feel safe. Whether it’s the way I hug people, hand tucked behind their head, or the way I defend them when they aren’t around. The way I would fight tooth and nail to make sure those I love are safe.

Being butch means everyone I love gets the princess treatment. I love people with my whole being. I get flowers when they need a pick-me-up, and I love being the first to tap my card during dinner. It means holding doors for everyone, it means making sure the people I love know they look beautiful that day (like they do every other day).

Being butch means I am strongly anti-cop. It means my politics are aligned against facism, capitalism, and bigotry. Because of butch history being heavily tied in with police brutality, ACAB is an integral part of my identity. As such, this is a common reason why butch is also considered a socio-political identity.

Being butch means I love giving. Although there are many pillow princes and asexual butches out there, a huge part of my butch identity is giving during sex. I love oral, I love to make sure my partner feels adored, and worthy of all my affection. I love making sure any form of intimacy I give is the way they like it, and that’s what makes me happy. Pleasing them pleases me.

Being butch means I explore masculinity and femininity in subversive ways. I cook, I clean, I am great with handiwork, I can be both aggressive and passive. My expression of these boxes of ‘masculinity’ and ‘femininity’ will never be perfect, because I exhibit both and neither. I exhibit my true self, not a performance for others to witness.

(Now for some shorter ones)

Being butch is walking on the outside of the sidewalk.

Being butch is always giving advice.

Being butch is always having my phone allow calls, in case someone needs me.

Being butch is me commuting almost 3.5 hours round trip to visit a friend in the hospital.

Being butch is being a shoulder to lean on.

Being butch is being a modern version of knight chivalry.

Being butch is sitting with a wider manspread because the guy beside me is hogging the seats.

Being butch is making sure I have medicine on me in case someone needs it.

Being butch is immediately wanting to care and tend to my sick loved ones.

Being butch is always having my multitool on my carabiner.