A/N: I reached the limit somehow??? So this might be long but how we feeling about the border does it suit Autumn or should I find another one?
Sleep didn't come easily that night.
Every time you closed your eyes, your thoughts wandered back to Autumn's house. You kept thinking about the photos hanging on the walls, the scrapbook you probably shouldn't have looked through, and the way she smiled whenever she mentioned her girlfriend. The more you thought about it, the more guilty you felt.
You let out a quiet groan, pulling your blanket over your face in a hopeless attempt to stop yourself from thinking.
You had known she was in a relationship from the very beginning. She had never hidden it from you, and whenever she mentioned her girlfriend, it was obvious how much she loved her. There was never any uncertainty about it.
So why were you making things so complicated?
You had only known Autumn for a few weeks. She had become a good friend, and that was all this should have been. Somewhere along the way, though, your feelings had quietly become something more, and now you didn't know what to do with them.
Eventually, you managed to fall asleep, although it felt like only a few minutes had passed before your alarm pulled you awake again.
You reached over to silence it before sitting up slowly, rubbing your eyes as you looked around your dorm room. The morning sunlight was beginning to shine through the window, but instead of feeling refreshed, you felt just as exhausted as you had the night before.
Getting ready took little effort because your body moved on its own while your mind stayed somewhere else entirely. You brushed your teeth, got dressed, packed your bag, and checked your schedule, but you barely remembered doing any of it.
Every few minutes your thoughts circled back to Autumn, and every time they did, that same feeling of guilt settled in your chest again.
By the time you left your dorm, you had made a decision.
You couldn't keep letting yourself get closer to her.
She had someone she loved, someone who clearly loved her just as much. The last thing you wanted was to become someone who secretly wished that relationship didn't exist simply because of your own feelings.
You cared about her far too much to ever disrespect something that was so important to her.
If putting a little distance between the two of you was what it took for these feelings to disappear, then that was what you were going to do.
You kept repeating that to yourself as you walked across campus, hoping that if you said it enough times, it would eventually become easier to believe.
The first time you spotted Autumn that morning, your heart reacted before your mind did. Your feet almost carried you toward her out of habit, just like they had every other day since the two of you became friends.
You caught yourself before she noticed.
Trying your best to look natural, you turned away and pretended to read one of the campus maps nearby, waiting until she disappeared into the crowd before letting yourself continue walking.
The guilt only grew heavier.
She hadn't done anything wrong.She had only ever been kind to you, and now you were acting like you wanted nothing to do with her. The thought made you feel awful, but every time you imagined walking over and talking to her like nothing had changed, you remembered the pictures in her house and the scrapbook sitting on the shelf.
You couldn't do that to her.When you reached your classroom, you deliberately chose a seat on the opposite side of the room. It wasn't because you wanted to avoid looking at her. Quite the opposite.
You knew that if she walked in and smiled at you the way she always did, you would smile back without even thinking about it.
You weren't trying to stop being her friend.
You were trying to stop yourself from wanting something that could never be yours.
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Autumn quietly unlocked the front door before stepping inside, slipping off her shoes and setting her bag beside them.
A familiar voice called from the kitchen.
A small smile appeared on Autumn's face as she made her way through the house, the smell of dinner greeting her before she even reached the room.
Her girlfriend looked over her shoulder as Autumn walked in, immediately noticing the tired look on her face.
"I kind of am," Autumn admitted with a small laugh.
She nodded before sitting down at the kitchen table, resting her elbows on the surface while watching her girlfriend finish stirring whatever was cooking on the stove.
"It wasn't a bad day," she said after a moment. "Just... a confusing one."
That was enough to catch her girlfriend's attention.
She turned the stove down slightly before walking over and taking the seat across from Autumn.
Autumn was quiet for a few seconds, trying to figure out how to explain something she didn't fully understand herself.
"Do you remember that first year I told you about a while ago? The one I helped on their first day because they looked completely lost."
"The one you walked to their dorm?" her girlfriend asked with a smile.
Autumn blinked. "I've mentioned them before?"
Her girlfriend couldn't help but laugh."A few times, actually."
"You usually tell me little stories. Nothing big. Just things they said in class or something funny that happened while you were walking across campus together."
Autumn looked down at the table, thinking about it."I guess I didn't notice."
"You seem to like having them around."
"I do." The answer came so naturally that it surprised even her.
"They're easy to talk to," she continued. "They're funny without trying to be, and they don't make every conversation feel exhausting."
Her girlfriend smiled warmly.
"I'm glad you made a friend."
The smile on Autumn's face slowly faded as she absentmindedly traced a small circle against the wooden table.
"I just don't know what happened."
Her girlfriend tilted her head slightly.
"They've been avoiding me."
The words felt strange to say out loud.
"I don't think it's intentional... at least I hope it isn't. They used to wait after class so we'd walk back together if we were heading the same way. They'd always smile when they saw me, and we'd usually end up talking until one of us had to leave."
She let out a quiet sigh. "But this week has been different."
"They started sitting on the other side of the classroom. When class ends, they're already gone before I even finish putting my notebook away. I keep seeing them across campus, but every time I think about going over to say hi, they're suddenly walking in another direction." She paused, shaking her head."It probably sounds silly."
"It doesn't," her girlfriend replied gently."It just feels... strange."
Her girlfriend reached across the table and rested her hand over Autumn's.
"Have you asked them if everything's okay?" Autumn shook her head. "I've thought about it."
"So what's stopping you?"
"I don't want to make things uncomfortable if I'm just imagining it. Maybe they're busy. Maybe they're making other friends, or maybe university is just becoming overwhelming. It's only been a few weeks."
She sighed softly. "I know there are a dozen reasonable explanations."
"But?" Autumn looked toward the window for a moment before answering. "But I miss talking to them."
The words escaped before she had the chance to think about them.
She blinked, almost surprised she had said them aloud.
Her girlfriend smiled kindly. "Then ask them if they're okay."
"You don't think I'd be bothering them?"
"I think you'd be checking on your friend." Autumn nodded slowly.
That sounded simple enough.
If something was wrong, maybe all it would take was a conversation.
She hoped it was that simple.
For some reason, though, she couldn't shake the feeling that things had already started changing, and she had no idea why.
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Autumn couldn't stop thinking about it.
After dinner, she helped clean the kitchen, settled onto the couch with her girlfriend to watch a movie, and even attempted to distract herself with some of the coursework she had been putting off all week.
Every so often, her thoughts drifted back to the same question.
The more she thought about it, the less it made sense.
Nothing had changed. At least, not that she could remember. The last time the two of them had spent time together, everything had felt normal. They had talked for hours, laughed over things that probably weren't that funny, and by the time you had left, Autumn had been happy that she had invited you over.
Now, it felt like you were slipping through her fingers, and she couldn't understand why.
Her girlfriend's voice gently pulled her away from her thoughts.
"You've been staring at the same page for five minutes."
Autumn blinked before looking down at the notebook resting in her lap. "I have?"
"Mhm."She smiled softly before closing the notebook and setting it on the coffee table. "I think you're overthinking it."
"You won't know what's going on unless you ask." Autumn nodded. "I know."
The answer sounded so simple when someone else said it.
She just couldn't shake the worry that asking the wrong question would only make things worse. If you really needed space, then constantly approaching you wasn't going to help.
"I'll give them a little time," she said quietly. "If nothing changes... then I'll ask."
Her girlfriend smiled before leaning against her shoulder. "I think that's a good idea."
Autumn hoped she was right.
The next morning, Autumn found herself scanning the campus almost without thinking.
Students passed by in every direction. Some hurried toward their morning lectures with coffee in hand while others stood in small groups talking before class began.
Normally, Autumn paid very little attention to the crowds around her.
Her eyes instinctively searched for one person.
She didn't even realize she was doing it until she spotted you standing near one of the campus maps.
A small smile appeared on her face as she adjusted the strap of her bag and started walking over, already wondering what the two of you would end up talking about before class.
Before she had taken more than a few steps, you turned away.
It wasn't rushed, and it wasn't obvious enough that anyone else would have questioned it.
You lingered by the map for a few moments before quietly walking in the opposite direction without ever looking her way.
For a second, she wondered if you simply hadn't seen her.
Campus was always busy in the mornings, and it wouldn't have been the first time someone had walked straight past another person without realizing it.
Still, the thought stayed with her as she made her way to class.
When she stepped into the lecture hall, the first place she looked was the seat you usually chose.
Her eyes wandered around the room until she finally spotted you sitting near the back instead, your notebook already open in front of you.
It wasn't unusual on its own.
Students changed seats all the time.
But when your eyes briefly met across the room, you looked away almost immediately, lowering your gaze to your notebook as though you hadn't noticed her at all.
Autumn hesitated for a moment before quietly making her way to her own seat.
She spent most of the lecture trying to convince herself she was reading too much into everything. Maybe you were tired. Maybe university had become more stressful than either of you realized. Maybe you really had just been busy.
There were plenty of explanations.
Every single one of them sounded more reasonable than believing you were intentionally avoiding her.
When class finally ended, Autumn packed her bag a little quicker than usual, hoping she might catch you before you disappeared into the crowd.
By the time she stepped into the hallway, you were already walking away with a group of other students, laughing politely at something one of them had said.
Autumn watched for a moment before quietly letting out a sigh.
She wasn't trying to force you into a conversation, and she wasn't angry that things had changed.
She just wanted to know if you were okay.
If there was something wrong, maybe she could help.
And if there wasn't...Maybe hearing you say everything was fine would finally put her mind at ease.
Autumn didn’t manage to bring it up that day.
Every time she thought she might, there was always something that stopped her.
Either you were already surrounded by other people, or you were halfway out of the room before she could reach you, or the moment simply passed too quickly for her to grab onto it.
By the time she left campus, the idea of asking felt heavier than it had in the morning.
It wasn’t that she was scared of you.
It was more that she didn’t want to make things worse if she was wrong.
If she had misread everything, if you really were just busy or distracted or adjusting to university in your own way, then pointing it out might only make things uncomfortable between you. That thought sat uncomfortably in her mind all the way home.
Her girlfriend noticed immediately when she walked through the door.
“You didn’t say anything about it again, did you?”Autumn paused mid step, setting her bag down near the entrance.
“I couldn’t find the right moment.”
Her girlfriend gave her a look that was somewhere between amused and patient, like she already understood exactly what was going on without needing more detail.
“You’re overthinking it,” she said gently.“I know.”
“Then stop trying to solve it in your head first. Just talk to them.”
Autumn exhaled slowly, leaning back against the wall for a moment. “It’s not that simple.”
“It usually is,” her girlfriend replied. “You just don’t like simple answers.”
Autumn didn’t respond to that.
Instead, she pushed herself off the wall and walked further into the house, trying to shake the lingering feeling that something had shifted in a way she couldn’t quite fix yet.
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The next morning, she arrived earlier than usual.
Not because she had planned to.
It just happened that way.
The campus was quieter at that hour. Fewer students walking between buildings, fewer voices echoing through the open spaces. Autumn liked it that way. It made it easier to think.
At least, it usually did.
She found herself standing near the entrance of the lecture hall before most people had even arrived, holding her notebook but not really opening it.
She kept glancing toward the hallway.
When you finally appeared, it wasn’t dramatic or noticeable in any obvious way.
You just walked in with your bag already on your shoulder, eyes lowered slightly like you were focused on getting to your seat without interruption.
Autumn straightened instinctively. “Hey,” she said as you passed.
Just enough to catch your attention.You paused.
For a second, she thought you might stop.
You looked at her, just briefly, long enough for her to see recognition in your expression.
Then you nodded. “Hey.” And continued walking.
Autumn stood still for a moment longer than she meant to.
It wasn’t the greeting itself that felt strange.
It was how quickly it ended.
She turned slowly and went into the lecture hall behind you, choosing her seat like she normally would. Except this time, she didn’t immediately open her notebook.
Instead, she looked toward the back of the room where you were sitting.
You weren’t doing anything unusual.
Just existing like normal.
But you didn’t look up again.
Autumn told herself it didn’t mean anything.People had off days.
People sometimes didn’t feel like talking.
But by the time the professor began speaking, she realized something she hadn’t been ready to admit yet.
She had started paying attention to you more than she used to.
And now that she had noticed it, it was becoming harder to ignore.
Autumn didn’t plan to wait outside the lecture hall, but she also didn’t manage to talk herself out of it quickly enough to leave.
By the time she finished packing her things, most of the room had already emptied.
Students filtered out in groups, their voices blending into the hallway noise, and she stayed seated for a moment longer than necessary while watching them go. You were not among them when she first looked.
That realization came with a quiet drop in her stomach that she didn’t fully understand yet.
She stood, adjusted her bag, and followed the movement of people into the hallway, scanning ahead without making it obvious to anyone else what she was looking for. It didn’t take long before she saw you further down the corridor. You were walking alone, slower than the crowd, focused on the exit like you were trying to leave without being noticed.
Autumn stopped for a brief moment before continuing forward.
When she spoke, her voice was steady and calm, just loud enough to reach you without drawing attention from anyone else around.
You slowed immediately when you heard her, and that reaction alone made her more aware of how things had been lately.
She approached at a normal pace, not too close, but enough that it could no longer be brushed off as a passing interaction. There was no smile this time, not because she was upset, but because she was trying to focus on what she needed to say.
She told herself she just needed clarity.
“I’ve been trying to talk to you,” she said carefully.
You answered quickly, almost too quickly, saying that you had been busy. The explanation was simple, but it didn’t sit well with her because it had become the answer every time she managed to catch a moment like this.
Autumn nodded as if she accepted it, but her eyes stayed on you a little longer than usual. She wasn’t trying to make you uncomfortable, only trying to understand what she was missing.
“I thought that might be it at first,” she said after a pause, keeping her tone gentle. “But it’s been a while now.”
You shifted your weight slightly, avoiding her gaze for a second before looking back. When you said you knew, it didn’t really clarify anything for her. It felt more like an ending to the conversation than an explanation.
The silence that followed was heavier than she expected.
Autumn adjusted her grip on her bag strap without looking away from you, choosing her next words carefully because she didn’t want this to feel like pressure or confrontation. She was aware that she might already be pushing too far just by standing here.
“I’m not trying to bother you,” she said quietly. “I just wanted to check in.”
You hesitated again, and this time the pause lasted long enough that she noticed it clearly. When you finally answered that you were fine, she didn’t immediately respond because she wasn’t sure she believed it, but she also wasn’t sure it was her place to challenge it.
Instead, she studied you for a moment longer, not in a harsh way, but in the way someone looks when they are trying to match words with behavior and finding a mismatch they can’t explain yet.
You weren’t looking at her the same way anymore. That was the only thing she could confidently identify.
After a moment, she asked the question she had been holding back since earlier that week.
It came out softer than she expected, less like an accusation and more like uncertainty given form.
Your reaction came instantly, too quick and too firm, telling her she hadn’t done anything. You said it like you needed it to be true, which should have been reassuring, but instead it left her with even less clarity than before.
Autumn nodded slowly, accepting your answer outwardly even as her thoughts refused to settle.
She stepped back slightly to give you space, forcing herself to keep her posture relaxed even though something in her chest felt unsettled in a way she couldn’t name yet.
“I’ll leave you alone for now,” she said after a pause, her voice quieter than before. “But if something is wrong, you can tell me.”
You gave a small nod, brief and restrained, before turning away and continuing down the corridor.
Autumn stayed where she was for a moment, watching you disappear into the flow of students near the exit before finally moving again herself.
Nothing had been confirmed.
And that was the part she couldn’t stop thinking about on her way out of the building, because it meant there was still something happening between the two of you that she couldn’t see yet.
The conversation stayed with Autumn for the rest of the afternoon.
She wanted to believe you.
You had looked her in the eyes and told her she hadn't done anything wrong. There was no reason to think you were lying to her, yet something about the way you answered kept replaying in her head. It wasn't what you had said that bothered her.
It was everything you hadn't.
Normally, conversations between the two of you came so easily. You always had something to laugh about, some random story to tell, or a complaint about one of your professors that somehow turned into a ten minute conversation.
Now she felt like she was trying to hold a conversation with someone standing on the other side of a closing door.
The next morning, Autumn left home a little earlier than usual.
She wasn't trying to catch you.
At least, that was what she told herself as she walked across campus with a coffee warming her hands.
When she reached the building, she noticed your bag before she noticed you.
It was sitting in one of the seats near the back of the lecture hall, exactly where you had been sitting lately.
Her eyes wandered around the room until she finally spotted you standing near the front, talking to another student while waiting for class to begin.
Autumn looked between you and the empty seat beside your bag.
She normally sat near the middle of the room.It had become a habit during her first year because it made it easier to hear the professor without being surrounded by too many people.
Her seat was still empty.
She could have walked over and sat there like she always did.
Instead, almost without thinking, she found herself walking toward the back.
She hesitated beside the empty chair.
Hopefully you wouldn't mind.
Setting her bag down carefully, she took the seat beside yours and opened her notebook, pretending to look over last week's notes while she waited for you to come back.
A few students filtered into the room, filling the empty seats one by one.
Autumn glanced toward the door. Then back toward the front.
She checked the time on her phone before slipping it back into her pocket.
The lecture would be starting soon.
She smiled faintly to herself.
She'd probably end up being late because of this.
The thought should have bothered her more than it did.
A few moments later, you finally turned around.
Your conversation had ended, and you started making your way back through the rows of desks before slowing when you noticed someone sitting beside your bag.
Your steps almost came to a stop. Autumn looked up from her notebook and smiled.
There was a brief pause before you managed a small smile of your own.
"Morning." You slid into your seat, placing your bag beneath the desk with movements that felt strangely careful.
Autumn noticed it immediately. Not because she was searching for something to be wrong, but because she had spent the last week noticing every little change without meaning to.
"I hope you don't mind that I sat here," she said quietly. "I figured... we haven't really talked much lately."
For a second, you didn't answer.
Instead, you looked down at your notebook, adjusting the corner of one of the pages before finally speaking.
Your response was nothing like the conversations the two of you usually had.
Autumn nodded, trying not to let the disappointment show.
If rebuilding whatever had changed between you took time, then she'd give it time.
The professor walked into the room before either of you could say anything else, and the lecture began.
Autumn copied down the notes like she always did, but every now and then her eyes drifted toward the edge of your notebook.
You were writing, you always took neat notes.
She remembered teasing you about it once because your handwriting looked nicer than the typed notes some students printed off.
The memory almost made her smile. Maybe things weren't completely different. Maybe they just needed a little time to find their way back to where they had been.
She hoped so, she missed having someone who made long lectures feel short.
