how strange it is to be anything at all

my favourite roast of all tiem is ‘‘you look like pepsi max’‘

Your heart is not true enough to enter the gates of Margaritaville

in third grade i wrote an essay and used the word astonish and my teacher was shocked and i said “i learned it from pokemon!” and my picture was published in the school newspaper with the caption “SHE LEARNED IT FROM POKEMON”

pouring coca cola into a rare, sickly bird's mouth confidently and without doubt

drawings are secretly the enemy because they start off very nice and unassuming but then when they're about 80% done they start emanating a malevolent aura that makes finishing them the scariest activity you can imagine

*sees a landmine* eh what the heck *steps on it and explodes*

Please stay

*puts my cigarettes out on you*

*wuickly smokes it all before you can reach me*

oh a wise guy huh? *rolls up my sleeves* why I oughta…

*wuickly rolls your sleeves back down before you can hit me*

eyes emoji was the perfect invention for nosy people. like 👀 whats going on over here 👀👀 i just wanna know #LetMeKnow 👀👀👀