You have contracted Brain Rot

I am shocked at how many people don't have an actively hostile relationship with advertising

Imagine the level of whimsy I could reach if I just had $5M in my bank account rn

today I found out my mother doesn’t know what dandelions are and now I’m wondering what other strange secrets she’s been quietly harboring

Where do you live that you don’t have dandelions?

we have dandelions EVERYWHERE, they are basically our State Weed, it is absolutely impossible that my mom has never interacted with a dandelion before, this requires further investigation

See, folks in the southern US will tell you up and down those are buttercups, actually.

Wait I thought those bigger cup ones were Easter Lillies???

They’re marigolds and I know a bitch when I see one!

….we need to start taking the phrase “go touch grass” more literally. go outside and examine a flower i beg u

get in loser we’re gonna try again despite it all

my most toxic trait is i fucking love work gossip. i play neutral not to be the bigger person or take the high road but to hear slander and hearsay from every side. two coworkers complained about each other to me in the same afternoon and i nearly blacked out from the rush

Item: Weiner Medallion; grants the wearer the touch ability to alter the flavor of objects to that of a hot dog

Item: trick throne that bonks anyone that sits in it with a concerningly pointy weighted devil head