Love Paul and Artie

Art Garfunkel

Gender: Male

Sexuality: Bisexual

DOB: 5 November 1940 

Ethnicity: Ashkenazi Jewish

Nationality: American

These days I'm (quite obviously) thinking a lot about S&G and their 1969-1970-1971 breakup era. I'm fun to be around, yes, I know.

I can't hope to discover what went through both their minds and hearts, of course, but there's one thing that never fails to strike me when I go back to that part of their history: the amount of resentment, delusion and pain that must've built up for years, bringing them to decide to call it an end. (It wasn't really an end, but arguably they didn't know back then.)

Many point the finger to Artie for making Catch-22 with Mike Nichols though Paul was written off from the casting (hope we all know he was supposed to play Dunbar and they deleted a whole character just to avoid his terrible acting), causing Paul's resentment to grow and grow, and when Carnal Knowledge got in his radar he couldn't take it anymore. Right. But.

This is what speaks to me at this particular moment of my life: what made Artie accept the role and keep it even after Paul's was canceled? It was supposed to be a duo project, so what got into him? Sheer ambition? His own need to show Paul (therefore the world) his worth? Maybe so. What makes me think is that he never appeared like a very ambitious guy - we all know who that was, and luckily so. Maybe he did want to proove to himself and others that he could walk on his own, making something without Paul - I read and heard many of his declarations on the subject, saying that he wanted to balance his contribution to S&G by doing something more than sing and produce and occasionally give a writing input to his partner (like that's not enough, but hey, I can understand).

But what if he just needed a little break?

Even in 1968. Because that's when Mike Nichols asked them to be in the movie, not 1969: 1968. The same year, as far as I can recall, when he supposedly wrote to Paul about what troubled him about their relationship, never getting an answer as far as I know (why don't write me? Why don't you write me, you asshole?).

What if he wanted to break away, just the amount of time needed to take a few breaths and find his center, his own self, because what they had together was of course amazing, but it was also too hectic, too suffocating, too close - too much, all at once?

Artie still got back, though.

And he got back to a partner that was adamant to marry the ex wife of their manager, of all women (still can't grasp how fucked up that must've been to live through, even as a friend). A partner that through the resentment found new fuel for gorgeous music about goodbyes (whatever Paul says, the theme of BOTW is pretty transparent), but also new confidence in his strengths. A partner who never lacked arrogance between all his insecurities, but can you imagine how he must've been to be around during the BOTW sessions? Songs of America gives you a glimpse of that. Insufferably bitchy. And sure as hell Paul was not forgiving about the movie(s) thing, his salty comment from SNL 1975 shows that.

But Paul meant well, and he missed you like hell. But Paul was resolute to stop whatever you had going on. But Paul was contrite, trying to say sorry.

Dialogue made impossible by the issues that were left ignored and the choices of the months before, and so the distance grows; the work gets delayed; tensions intensify. When work was finally over, now it was really time for a little break. A vacation, if you wish.

Artie still got back, though.

He disappeared for a bit, according to Paul himself he got on a freighter, sailed around, went to Tanjeers, London and Scotland, but he still got back. To Paul. They made their 1970 tour, a few dates in Europe and in the US, and they sounded better than ever, and they looked like they were having fun. They cut some demos (Roving Gambler, Barbrieallen and Rose of Abardeen that we know of) in July 1970. If they had decided to stop working together, why the demos? Never made sense to me.

Anyway, I digress.

Artie still got back, every single fuckin' time. He got away, but he got back. What made him go away? What made his life with Paul so heavy that he needed to get away from him, only to realise time after time that whatever it was, you know what, fuck it, this fuck of a life's better with him? What was it in the first place? We'll never know.

But I understand the feeling. His need to put some distance, even if only temporary, between his life and his potential life; his partner (take this word as you want, I'm using it loosely) and potential new people and therefore projects; his old self and his potential new self yet to discover.

More than all this, I think I understand the pain behind such a drastic decision.

Leaving someone you love, even if just for a short amount of time, is hard. Dealing with the feeling that your love is not enough to save your relationship is much harder.

So you try and see if distance really makes things better, as they say. Only to discover that things get worse than you ever imagined. And your love is not enough. As much as you love your friend, your partner, your whatever - your love alone is not enough anymore. He wants more. Maybe you want more too. And it's over. But it's not really over, because as you said again and again, the love is still there. It's just... not enough anymore.

Lost are the times when it was you and that person against the world. Lost is the trust. Lost is the love that was innocent and pure.

And you're left with your memories, your pain, your rage. Your will to build something new, maybe even with that special person, but they don't want to. They don't want you.

And so one day you don't come back. Maybe you come back physically, but not mentally.

And when the relationship breaks up, it's all your fault. Because it was you who couldn't stand the pain; it was you who didn't know what you wanted from life and asked for a break, and took whatever chance you could to breathe; it was you who didn't compromise enough; it was you who didn't care enough.