Ahem. Hello? ...Anyone here?
Oh dear. I knew this was a long shot. Hello? Any angel receiving?
Oh! Goodness. Hello! Splendid. I wasn't entirely sure this still worked.
Ah. Quite right. Aziraphale. Principality. Formerly stationed in London.
I don't know any angel named Aziraphale.
That's... mildly concerning.
Well, that's rather the problem. I was in Soho.
Well, everyone keeps smiling with far too many teeth and I was nearly flattened by a truck the size of a cathedral. It seemed a reasonable conclusion.
That's... possible. I'm Castiel.
Marvelous. Then perhaps you could help me. I'm trying to locate my friend.
A chair scrapes loudly somewhere on Castiel's end.
Yes. Tall. Red hair. Sunglasses. Walks as though he invented swagger.
Has a fondness for expensive plants.
Occasionally hisses when annoyed.
Oh, don't tell me you've met him.
I'm terribly sorry-- the what?
My Crowley wouldn't become King of Hell.
He'd still refuse on principle.
That's... not how Hell works.
Besides, he'd much rather feed the ducks.
The ducks know the demon.
They come over when he rattles the frozen peas bag.
He's quite good with animals. Plants are another matter.
Our Crowley once possessed a postal worker to start the apocalypse.
...I'm beginning to suspect we're discussing different Crowleys.
Did your Crowley attempt to release Lucifer?
He once frightened a parking inspector.
A suspiciously long silence.
I think a rift opened again.
You're literally staring at the wall.
Angel stuff is never good.
Aziraphale clears his throat politely.
I don't mean to impose, but... if this isn't merely America...
There are no records of an angel named Aziraphale. Not in Heaven.
That seems dreadfully rude of your administration.
Do all your angels speak like they're delivering funeral notices?
It's difficult to sound ominous while recommending first editions.
For the first time, Castiel lets out the faintest huff of amusement.
It sounded suspiciously like one.
Excellent. Those are usually the best kind.
You said you're in America.
Can you describe where you are?
A diner. The waitress called me "sugar."
That doesn't narrow it down.
Someone attempted to sell me fireworks.
Also doesn't narrow it down.
There is a gentleman wearing a hat shaped like a fish.
I can trace angelic grace.
Don't tell anyone you're an angel.
A crash echoes from Castiel's end.
I told you four wasn't happening.
It was a structural failure!
CAS, TELL HIM I WAS CLOSE!
Dea-- my friend was attempting to balance four bagels on a toothpick.
Aziraphale is quiet for a moment.
I think... I'd quite like to meet your humans.
Are they always like this?
If we do happen upon your Crowley...
Let's perhaps not mention mine feeds ducks.