bug t. dog

the cambrian period was like 10 years ago

the cambrarin period was like 3 years ago

love is fucking dead. valentines day used to mean something

at the dyke bar this girl is wearing toe shoes. like. those ones that are like gloves for your feet. it is y2k night we r straight up in the club and this girl is wearing toe shoes

craziest part? this girl was there w another girl and they were like fully macking on each other and everything. getting laid after wearing toe shoes in the club

every forest is enchanted btw. stop being stupid and look with your eyes

Why do they even make apps for ADHD. You want me to use my 24/7 handheld immediate distraction device? To manage my 'gets distracted too easily' disorder? Ooooh we developed the perfect tool for managing your anemia. Its hosted in Dracula's castle. 👍

i bet positive thinking goes so hard when youre a normal person

god forbid a woman is boring and a low achiever and likes to drink

i listened to my body and it's asking for substances

i am nooooot locked the fuck in. im locked the fuck out. call the locksmith

just remember, tense your shoulders, grit your teeth, take rapid shallow breaths and say to yourself ”oh shit, oh fuck, this is all my fault”

i didn't say it was good, i said it has bewitched me body and soul