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BY BEING A DISGUSTING TRAITOR WHO LETS HIS CONVICTS ESCAPE, AND INSTEAD OF SUBMITTING TO EXECUTION LIKE A GOOD QIN DYNASTY CITIZEN, HE DECIDES TO FREE THE REST, AND LEAD THEM IN A REBELLION AGAINST THE STATE!!!!
this is a call out post for @emperor-gaozu-of-han!!! liu bang is nothing but a traitorous PEASANT who is totally UNQUALIFIED for the role of EMPEROR. he might have hoodwinked the uneducated masses with his tax breaks, exemptions of corvée labour, making peace with the xiongnu, and founding China's first gold age ect ect but I expect my LOYAL MINISTERS to know better!
the problem with tumblr spells is all of you lil sluts are casting and not giving it time to charge so you're all casting cantrips and not 9th level death spells. everyone wants to be the one to take them down no one wants to be the one who assists
Bodily autonomy (like abortion, anti draft, etc) -> “The government shouldn’t be able to force anything on my body I don’t want.”
Anti surveillance -> “I don’t trust big government/big tech (big brother if you’re feeling frisky) with the ability to spy on me and my family.”
Immigration -> “Next to all of us immigrated at some point, I don’t see why the elites get to decide who’s allowed to be where. What’s to stop them coming for me?”
Climate Change -> “Big oil shouldn’t get to determine whether or not I get to go places. I don’t want to be dependent on some big business to survive.”
State Violence -> “I don’t want the goddamn secret police breathing down my neck! I trust my community a whole hell of a lot more to help me than I do the state!”
The vast majority of conservatives think of themselves as underdogs being repressed by the government/the elite, and they value personal freedom (specifically their personal freedom, they don’t care about other people). The will almost always agree with leftist points if you can find a way to blame the problem on their vague enemies (useful, since rich people are the root of most problems), and tie it back to their ability to say fuck everyone else. NEVER appeal to science, theory, logic, or human goodness. Make it seem as if you are a paranoid lunatic who trusts no one. They love it.
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My brother’s friend went exploring in a mine shaft and found a ringtail and thought it was a “sketchy ass cat” and decided to pet it and it bit him and he had to go to the hospital for rabies shots DONT DO DRUGS KIDS
if this becomes a heritage post my life would be complete although i feel i should provide some more context as this post begins to blow up:
-the video is from a time before sharing files across devices was trivial, which is why it looks so bizarre. my brother took the original video which i believe was a snapchat video which somehow got uploaded onto my parents’ computer, where my brother showed it to me. i immediately recognized the comedic gold and insisted on getting my own copy, so i re-filmed it on my own digital camera, which is why my brother is narrating what the video will be about before it starts. i then managed to get it onto my tumblr through a series of dark magic rituals. this is why it has an old mac toolbar AND a weird caption AND a vidlab watermark. simpler times indeed
-i was not involved in the act of exploring an abandoned mine shaft (extremely dangerous, do not do this) or touching the wild animal (extremely dangerous, do not do this) or hanging out with my brother (extremely dangerous, do not do this) and i do not endorse any of the behavior depicted here. leaving me notes and comments explaining that this was a bad idea is not a productive use of your time. i have known that everything my brother and his friends do is stupid and dangerous my entire life but at least in this instance we get to enjoy the fruits of their poor choices
-preston was fine. he was scratched up and got some rabies shots but this was not the first, last, or worst injury incurred by a young man who decided to follow my brother’s recommendations for what would be a good and cool idea to do. (his best friend was taken from our house to the ER six times over the course of middle and high school.) to my knowledge the ringtail was also fine despite his encounter with the cast of temu jackass.
-THIS IS PRESTON, GETTING EATEN, BY A….SKETCHY ASS CAT. MILESUNDERGROUND
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Robin: At least all that stupid spell did was give us animal fetures. *glares at the Robin wings now popping out of his back*
Beast Boy: Honestly I don't feel much different.*has a snakes tail, a bats wings, large goat horns, and lion ears* I think I'm a Chimera?
Cyborg: Could be worse.*has two dog ears on his head, one upright and robotic, the other organic and floppy, he also has a tail but it was short and tucked into his suit*
Raven: Starfire seems to be having fun. *looking upwards as two massive raven wings wrap around her in place of her coat.*
Starfire, giggling: I am the cat! Meow! Meow! Meow!*two pink cat ears rest on her head, paired with a long, elegant pink tail* Oh! Phantom is the cat too!
Phantom: *laying in the air with white and black rounded ears, and a long white and black spotted tail, that he is chewing on*
Robin: Why are you eating your tail?
Phantom: *shugs*
Beast Boy: Hes a Snow Leopard, sometimes they just kinda carry their tails around.
Robin, sighing: Nobody's hurt? Good, then let's go catch that weirdo.
Bonus!
Robin: I'm so glad thats over.
Starfire: Awe, I liked being the cat- hey! Phantom is still a leopard!
Robin: What?!
Phantom: *lazily floating and smacking at his own tail* Hmm? Oh I wasn't spelled. *ears and tail vanish before reappearing* See?
Robin: What? Explain!
Raven, groaning as she just remembered: Hes a ghost! That spell had no physical body to latch onto!
Beast Boy: Nice.
Cyborg: So why did you give yourself ears and a tail?
Phantom, deflating: I felt left out.
Starfire: *nods in understanding and pats his back in reassurance*
Bonus #2!
Phantom: Psst! Star!
Starfire: *curiously flys over*
Phantom: I snagged that guy's spell book! *grins as his Snow Leopard ears pops back up* Do you want your ears and tail back?
Used to think that if I had a past life I was choked to death or hung because I hate the feeling of anything close around my neck, or even vague pressure.
Later I learned that it was because I nearly died as a baby because my bib was too tight.
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my safe clothing items that I wear day in day out for years and years should never break or rip or wear down. the power of friendship should stop that kind of thing
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