Traumatized like shit ... @buggedmind - Tumblr Blog

please read.

TRIGGER WARNING!!!!

This blog contains content that may trigger vulnerable people.

Some of the main topics are:

mental illness/disability/autism

self-injury/self-destructive behaviors

loss/abandonment

sadness/melancholy

anxiety/fear

abuse

love sickness/obsession

loneliness/isolation

trauma (incl. childhood trauma & religious trauma)

self-hate

weltschmerz

suicide/death (but I try to avoid that if possible)

If things like this may trigger you, please don't read this blog or only in a safe environment.

DNI & introduction below the fold. ⬇️

#pinned post

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She said, "If a bomb fell on me now, I'd be just glad that it all ends."

And I thought, "I love you so much, sweetie. And I feel just the same." 😢

#this is depressing #depression sucks #sleep deprivation #depression #i feel you #i love you so so so much #actually mentally ill #two depressed souls

satorusbabyk

The pain is always worse at night.

I'm alone, I'm unwanted, I'm annoying, no one wants me. No one ever will.

#actually bpd

I so don't care anymore. About anything and anyone.

And the only exception I still do care about doesn't seem care about me anymore ...

#actually bpd #this is depressing #abandoment issues #depeession #depression sucks #i dont care #actually mentally ill #bpd thoughts #bpd favorite person #bpd fp #actually borderline #actually traumatized #bpd love #actually cptsd #fear of abandonment

deeptrospection

Normalize not doing every single thing in life and not being a "perfect human"

It's okay if you never marry.

It's okay if you never have children.

It's okay if you never buy a house.

It's okay if you never graduate.

It's okay if you have few or no friends.

It's okay if you never party.

It's okay if your life isn't perfect.

It's okay if you are not straight.

It's okay if you don't know what you want to do.

It's okay if you struggle with mental health issues.

It's okay if you struggle with physical health issues.

It's okay if you suffer.

It's okay if [insert something you can't/don't want to/couldn't experience/go through/are...etc]

Life is not meant to be the same for everyone. In fact, the only reason why a lot of people do what they do is because of social conditioning. For some people, it will magically fit with their purpose, but for most it won't. Because it's not meant to.

It's detrimental to try to live a life that is not meant for you, or be someone that you are not.

None of this matters, and it won't matter once you are no longer here.

When you die, those that truly love you and those that see beyond the surface will not pay attention to what you did or didn't do, who you were or weren't', what you had or didn't have, what you struggled with, or who you were. Because you are valuable anyways.

#what i needed to hear #thank you

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Where are you?

Where the fuck are you???

I need you so bad...

Am I too much again?

Are you going to leave me anytime soon??? 😱😭

#abandonment issues kicking in #actually bpd #bpd abandonment #fear of abandonment #bpd thoughts #abandoment issues

a-hospital--for-souls

"You'll be fine" - Dude, it's been 10 years...

buggedmind

20 years in my case. 20 years ...

#actually mentally ill #actually traumatized #actually bpd #when will it stop #when will it end

dragonheartstring360

can’t emphasize enough how when you grew up in a toxic environment, being in the room with someone who’s angry or frustrated - even if it has nothing to do with you - is absolutely terrifying cuz you’ve been 1000% conditioned to assume frustration = all hell is going to break lose and be aimed directly at you

buggedmind

Yes... Not only when you grew up in such an environment. Also, when you were stuck in such an environment as a (young) adult already.

#abuse survivor #trauma #emotional abuse #just cptsd things #living with cptsd #tw cptsd #cptsd problems #actually cptsd

This blog turns 1 year old today. Wouldn't have thought that it would still exist by now XD

#1 year tumblrversary #tumblr milestone

buggedmind

Me: I'm so glad this toxic relationship is over. It was so traumatizing.

Also me: *falls in love with the next toxic person*

buggedmind

Now, about 6 months after I have posted this, I can confirm that the person WAS toxic. But 6 hours after I had first posted this, on 20th January 2024, I got a message from a stranger on social media. I responded. Mainly, because I had nothing else to do and was happy about any distraction from obsessing over my toxic crush.

This stranger is now my boyfriend. And for the first time ever, I can't see anything toxic in my partner. Maybe my escape from the vicious cycle? Perhaps finally something that will improve my mental health instead of destroying it?

#don't give up #keep going #toxic relationship #happy ending #bpd love #bpd relationship #bpd fp #bpd favorite person

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Just realized... this blog turns 1 year old soon and since then, my favorite person has changed 2 times. No. 1 was a great match, but unavailable. No. 2 was available, but we didn't match. No. 3 is available AND a great match. I hope he'll stay forever ...

#actually bpd #bpd thoughts #bpd fp #bpd favorite person #actually borderline #bpd relationships #i love him so bad #bpd love

The problem was not that I didn't love you.

The problem was that I loved you more than my own life.

#toxic love #actually bpd #toxic relationship #toxic people #cptsd problems #actually cptsd #actually mentally ill #in love with a narcissist #narcissistic abuse

I've received a quote on a postcard today. "If you risk nothing, then you risk anything."

The sender has no idea that she has prevented me from making the worst mistake and running away from the love of my life, true to the good old BPD motto: "I have to leave him first, before he gets the chance to abandon me." Even though there isn't the slightest sign that he's planning to abandon me ...

#a postcard saved my life #fear of abandoment #bpd love #bpd fp #bpd favorite person #bpd relationship

Every day I die a little bit more 💔

#actually bpd #bpd favorite person #bpd feels #bpd love #lovesick #bpd fp

Abandon me.

I deserve it.

#actually bpd #bpd abandonment #bpd fp #bpd favorite person #bpd friends #bpd love

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Lesson learned today: I must stop getting attached to people and loving them. Yes, a life without love will be cold and not really worth living. But there is no other way I can save my sanity.

#actually bpd #bpd thoughts #actually borderline #bpd feels #sorry for being depressing #bpd favorite person #bpd #fear of abandonment #bpd abandonment #love hurts #bpd love #loneliness #lonely #i am lonely

tyeldotcomvents2

#self destructive tendencies #tw self harm #bpd meme #borderline memes

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