I still haven't finished TOTK I'm sorry Zelda

having chronic pain is just like. ur sitting perfectly still doing nothing meanwhile the space above your head keeps flashing -1hp -1hp -1hp -1hp -1hp -1hp -1hp -1hp -1hp -1hp

Culturally significant forbidden candy

got my first ever official customer complaint because when i was going over the terms of their life insurance they were like "well i don't plan to die" and i was like "well you're going to"

sometimes people experiencing psychosis and/or mania will come up to you on the street and talk in confusing or upsetting ways. your job is to either have a regular human-to-human conversation with that person or politely leave. your job is not to call 911. do not call 911. you might kill that person if you call 911.

^ ^ ^

I'm just pulling your chain. I mean yanking your leash. I mean jerking you off. uh I mean I'm just messing around with you,

i really like how the milkman exists as an entirely fossilized character who now serves no purpose other than to fuck people's wives for the punchline

the procrastinator’s mind will invent distractions you’ve never conceived of in order to avoid tasks even a dog could do.