missing you
i miss you. i’m guessing… my mind wont forget or shut up about you. i literally have to manually shift my thoughts and then they still go back. its gotten easier. only took 5 months..
not really sure what it is i miss
i don’t even know if its YOU that i miss or just feeling special with someone. i mean i never viewed you romantically. I knew that was never an option. Not just for me but for you. The dynamic was intense but never sustainable.
We both knew that.
So why do I miss you?
I remember multiple times feeling unworthy, and unappreciated. Do I really miss that? Fighting for attention.. fighting to be seen. I’m beautiful how can you not love me.
I remember closer to the end of our time I went over to your house and the new Epstein Documentary on Netflix had come out. You wanted to watch it so we did. I remember feeling gross, like I was one of the girls being manipulated.
Epstein stopped targeting underage girls after getting “in trouble” and started targeting young women. Young woman being easier to manipulate than woman his age. Our brains are not developed enough to recognize or understand the type of manipulation being used with older men.
I am a young woman. You are a man over 35.
before this realization the only thing I was concerned with was just the gap. But I swore I was the one in control.
Looking back, or even being in that moment I saw and felt everything. I was disgusted with you, and myself.
I wanted revenge. I still think abut it sometimes. I have the perfect pudding. I just cant serve it without hurting myself in the process.
So here I am. Watching you target other younger woman in our workplace. Watching evil..
