#thought dump

#1. defining and observing special interest(s) in toya

defined as “highly restricted, fixated interest(s) that are abnormal in intensity or focus” (DSM-5). repetitive, restrictive behavior is one of the major key traits of autism, with special interests slightly leaning to “restrictive” behavior. for toya, a special interest can manifest in the form of “excessively circumscribed or perseverative interests” (DSM-5)

in toya’s case, his “perservative”, highly focused intense interest is in music. this interest began with sheer fascination and wonder at his father’s piano, and grew into the current interest that a large part of toya’s identity, wellbeing and life he revolves around. his level of knowledge and deep interest in the specifics of music is also what leads to his “classical prodigy” title. toya’s life revolves around music, and music revolves around his life. the level of intensity that is “music is my entire life” is acknowledged in stories like the first concerto (toya4)

for toya it is, “there has never been a day where i wasn’t thinking about music.”, “i’ve been devoting my life to music with all my heart since i was young”. in addition, (while not an extremely strong point) toya frequently also reminisces the time he first touched music, speaking of these memories with lots of joy. toya also spends a large amount of time hyperfocused on music, sometimes to the point of forgoing self care such as falling sick and needing others to remind him to take care of his needs. toya is also able to remember and cite the little details in the music he listens to, describing its colors, emotions, technical traits in great amounts of detail (eg. toya4, toya5, toya6 and more)

for autistic people, many also involve their special interests into daily activities, play and socialisation, behaviours that toya sometimes exhibits, as he links the sounds he hears to experiences, and experiences to “all of these experiences can be useful for my music”. though it may not make much sense to others, it is the fact toya sees joy in including music into everything he does that makes it such a giant part of his life. it is also mentioned that toya often listens to familiar songs to relax on a rest day, linking to how special interests also regulate toya’s state. music contributes so much to toya’s happiness, that he shows it physically as he mentions he gets “fidgety” in front of a microphone.

special interests are also defined by the way they not only surround an autistic person’s life, but also the fact they are also a large part of an autistic person’s wellbeing. to describe this, i will be bringing up the alternate universe in world link 2, where we get to see a toya who “lost” music. we see that toya loses his sense of self and identity as he runs away from music. as special interests are also a large part of socialisation, toya also loses a part of his social life, as he feared akito after the argument surrounding music. this is somewhat also linked to his intense fear of (perceived) disappointment from those he loves the most, which can also be under rejection sensitive dysphoria, where toya experiences high levels of emotional distress and pain because of his (perceived) failure.

for toya, music is not simply just passion for performing and listening, but music for him is also the desire to learn everything right down to knowing the individual instruments, the notes, every genre, every emotion that comes with it.

toya without music is akin to his entire world shutting down. he loses some part of his basic functioning abilities because his special interest in music is what keeps him grounded, helping him percieve the world, form relationships and relax.

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#2. overview of toya’s sensory sensitivities

toya also has known sensory sensitivities shown in the stories/ extra content. the biggest one being his hypersensitivity to sound.

because of it, toya is highly capable of listing and imagining so much detail from the sounds he hears, as part of heightened sensitivity. there are many instances of toya picking apart details in music — details that may be insignificant but are everything to toya. because of sounds, his head never stops moving and thinking.

this sensitivity to sound is also something his friends, especially akito, accommodate for during performances. as mentioned in a magazine “interview”, akito avoids wearing loose jangly accessories or clothing that make a lot of sound because of toya, who is “sensitive to sounds”. it could suggest that such sounds may cause overstimulation for toya.

furthermore, despite these sensitivities, sound is also what grounds him and soothes him. for some autistic people, they may seek out input that they are sensitive to. this is known as sensory seeking behavior, which toya exhibits in numerous occasions when it comes to sounds. this can be linked to his special interest in music, as well as seeking out sensory input out of joy. an example of this is toya finding comfort in the loud, chaotic environment of the arcade. another example is the time when toya got to ride a horse carriage, with the dialogue hinting his sensory seeking as he describes “the soothing sound of horse hooves on the pavement”.

his sensory seeking tendencies linking to his special interest in music are also shown in side stories such as in his utsuro 4* side story — as he looked for inspiration for his music, he walked around his neighbourhood, reflecting on and taking in all the sounds and music entering his ears, using them as samples to inject life into his music. the story also tells us more about his hypersensitivity to sound, as everyday sounds for autistic people who are sensitive to sound tend to be amplified or more noticable. for toya, it is him hearing the sound of feet hitting the ground, the sound of drinks dispensing from a vending machine, the sounds of people talking and singing even from far, and the sounds of children playing. such a story perfectly ties in how much detail he takes in, with finding comfort in them.

it is also mentioned in a few instances (eg. mysekai waterfall furniture) that toya seeks auditory input when he feels tired or exhausted. “i find it nice to listen to the soothing sounds of water when i am tired”, tying to the aforementioned behaviour, as well as his sound sensitivities.

toya may also struggle with sensory issues in regards to texture, a known example being the fact he dislikes squid because of its texture. however, there is little expansion on his texture sensitivity, unlike sound.

while unrelated to sensory sensitivities, toya has mentioned that he avoids reading novels when trying to relax, as he ends up thinking over the details so much it tires him out instead.

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#3. toya and learning to express himself

another defining part of toya’s story as a whole is his journey towards learning how to express himself, both through his words and through his facial expressions. this is known as alexithymia, described as a “difficulty in identifying, processing, describing and handling” his own feelings. linking it with autism, it can be said that while toya struggles and has difficulties with expressing himself, he feels a lot of emotions deep inside, whether he understands them yet or not, a trend common with autistic people. in addition, toya also feels a lot of strong emotions, but may not be able to display them through facial expressions. such traits have led to his original description “cool and quiet”, “expressionless”, or an-chan joking that “toya’s facial muscles must be dead”. hence. in the past, despite having such a bright and vibrant internal monologue from the start, he had so much difficulty expressing those feelings.

it is clear through his stories that he has learnt so much about understanding his emotions — that started from being confident and upfront with them, finding the confidence to use words throughout his nocturne story. below is a quick comparison between pre-nocturne and during nocturne:

above, was once a toya who used to choke on his words, swallowing so much of it because he was afraid and didn't know, in comparison to the current toya, who confidently knows what he wants and is so much better at expressing his desires and emotions. his face was often deadpan and expressionless because his head couldn't scramble to understand his feelings back then.

as he learns to process emotions better, one of the effects is him letting those emotions show on his face (something he used to struggle with). all the times where his friends mention that “i never knew toya could make this kind of face”, is because of him understanding his own emotions through each experience gained, and having that confidence to express them. toya willingly participates in everything he can, because he wants to experience the vibrance that will help him gain the words to express himself even better. in this sense, toya doesn’t want to keep his vibrant internal monologue to himself. toya wants everyone to feel it with him. as this is what toya learnt from an’s observations about him —

“toya, you’ve really changed a lot. when we first met, i could never tell what you were thinking.”, “it is all thanks to you being able to express yourself properly”, “because we’re all good friends, we’ll smile together in happy moments, cry together in sad moments.”

in addition to his growing self confidence helping hin to express himself, toya, like many autistic people, also tend to leverage on their special interests to help them understand and process their emotions — which is where music comes in. shown when toya makes music as an avenue to process his life experiences, and also using his own experiences in music to empathise with the boy in the beautiful sound event ; it is also common in autistic people to “relate” to others in this unconventional way like toya does, as they may find difficulty identifying emotions. even though toya seems to “lack” emotion, it is rather he often feels them so deeply, that there are times he doesn’t know what to do with them, overwhelming him. part of his growth is him learning to express those feelings instead of wallowing in them. that’s why, toya having such a great support system that gives him that musical space to learn is so important because music is his bridge to understanding. the very core part of music is expressing yourself in a way words may not be able to. ergo, music helps toya process complex emotions. taking away music, also means taking away the one thing toya has that helps him understand his own emotions.

it is also mentioned by toya that he has tendencies to "fidget" thinking about singing when he is in front of a microphone. although the details are not expanded on much, it is also possible to take this as toya stimming as a way to manage and express his uncontrollable excitement.

lastly, toya’s, sort of unorthodox way of showing his care and attention for others is through observing the little details about them. it is his way of understanding the world around him as well as the emotions of others. autistic people may struggle with and/ or handle their empathy differently. for toya, it ends up with him staring at others unintentionally though he does that out of care. it also results in him making facial expressions that he himself, doesn’t even realise or know he is making. they come as he internalises and processes every single thought and observation, that his body responds in a manner that represent the emotions he is feeling at that monent. when toya stares, or looks at you, he is highly curious and observant of you. hence he also observant of what his friends voiced out in the past (eg. akito mentioning wanting a specific chocolate as a passing thought, only for toya to remember that information) and tends to remember those small details for long periods of time.

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as a conclusion, toya exhibits quite a few traits that autistic people may find relatable, or even identify with. i think it is these specific traits that toya has, that also contribute to how loveable he is as a character. there is of course, likely way more but i didn’t want to make this too long. toya’s mix of innocent joy, maturity and love for everything is wonderful. i hope this gives some insight to how i view toya as a character, as well as his behaviors.