cool kid squad

haha not to scare anyone but the hell does ‘beyond’ in bed bath and beyond stand for

As a former bed bath and beyond employee, I appreciate this

what the hell and fuck are you implying lady

u guys im 15 away from hitting 1k… this is wild

honestly juuls don’t even really….work….they’re SUCH a high nicotine count that it’s not like, weening yourself off nicotine, it’s just replacing one addiction for another. it’s less bodily harmful but much more expensive, AND you end up draining one carton a day which i’m sure you know from the puppet commercial is equal to 20 cigarettes worth of nicotine lmao. a whole pack. your kids are sucking down a dystopian pack of cigarettes every time they take a shit at soccer practice

*handwrites “asdfghhjkjssjs ily” on your birthday card*

All facts though 🤷🏾‍♂️

Because [cishet]men don’t have or really understand indepth friendship. They depend on ALL of their emotional support from their parents (read: mothers) or their spouses (read: wives). So when they are expected to care about the well being and feelings of a woman they aren’t fucking they think the world is ending.

I GUARANTEE somebody got their feelings hurt after reading this LMAO

^Facts

10/10 post

“Women aren’t vending machines you put compliments into until sex comes out.”

THIS IS SO PURE

me, a “beauty guru” in the 18th century: UH OH SISTERS!!! *dies of lead poisoning from the lethal doses of white lead pigment i use to paint my face*

I had a dream I was able to time travel and I went like 10,20,100,1000,2000 years into the future but the instant I went to 4,000 I got stuck in a time dilation jail set up by the American government in the year 3,877 in which anyone that tried to time travel back or forth across May 23, 3877 while on Earth would end up stuck in this time dilation chamber trap to stop time travelers but like it was so crazy and mismanaged because it was legit capturing like every single time traveler ever and the place had only been open for 12 minutes and was already getting overpopulated with nonstop multiple recursive instances of this one other guy trying to break previous versions of himself out of this god damn time traveler jail

that is fucking hysterical and absolutely sounds like something the American Government would set up. 

John Mulaney is Gen Z’s god despite not being Gen Z

I fucking love tumblr, because you log on and the first post you see is all serious and people protesting against social injustices and getting mad at discrimination and then you scroll down and the next post is something like ‘im going to eat your fucking house uwu’ and its like okay then cool

Every single odd number has an “e” in it.

LISTEN-

Not all of them. 30 and 50 aren’t spelled with the letter e in it …

father god 

…if you can split a number in half evenly, it’s even. 30 and 50 are odd.

25+25 = 30? You sure about that??

Lord have mercy….

Bye

3 days into 2018 smh

LMAOOOOOOO

It keeps getting worse.

LMAOOO WHAT IS GOING ON

My head hurts…

This is why that Tumblr University shit was the dumbest idea ever just look at this

who failed yall?

IM SCREAMING

You whole ass forgot about eight - a number with an e and is pretty fucking even

3 days until 2019 and we’re still here

happy New year’s eve

I’m going to bring this flaming dumpster into 2019 so future generations can see what a mistake Tumblr was