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@broken--generation

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Let your toddlers drive for a head start in the road test
A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, āMy car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?ā The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, āWe canāt tell you. Youāre not a monk.ā The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way. Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery. The monks accept him, feed him, even fix his car. That night, he hears the same strange noise that he had heard years earlier. The next morning, he asks what it is, but the monks reply, āWe canāt tell you. Youāre not a monk.ā The man says, āAll right, all right. Iām *dying* to know. If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?ā The monks reply, āYou must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk.ā The man sets about his task. Forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, āI have traveled the earth and have found what you have asked for. There are 145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.ā The monks reply, āCongratulations. You are now a monk. We shall now show you the way to the sound.ā The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, āThe sound is right behind that door.ā The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He says, āReal funny. May I have the key?ā The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man demands the key to the stone door. The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. He demands another key from the monks, who provide it. Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire. So it went until the man had gone through doors of emerald, silver, topaz, and amethyst. Finally, the monks say, āThis is the last key to the last door.ā The man is relieved to no end. He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is amazed to find the source of that strange sound. But I canāt tell you what it is because youāre not a monk
Originally posted by disneyasastrology
BWAHAHAHAHAH.Ā
the way i learned this, it was always told through spoken word. And youād do the door thing for ages. AGES. literally just making up any old material.Ā ābehind the foam door is a door made of spinachā that kind of shit. Go on until whoever is listening has already begged you to stop and has now gone on to pleading, clutching your shirt on their knees pleading. And when you finally said the last line? People went fucking nuts Like there was a good chance of just getting the teeth knocked out of you after telling that joke.
A friend of mine did that shit for 30 minutes on a camp once. The entire fucking bus just exploded in anger when she finished. It was a fucking massacre.Ā
You would not believe Bill Nye
If ten million Science Guys
Canāt relate
You canāt cheat on a partner that you donāt have. :^)
ā¦
God, Iām lonely.
shit man, donāt remind me
Cheating is always a choice. No one everyĀ āaccidentallyā had sex with someone.Ā

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Put this video on my grave
Itās back
š
Credit to @findchaos

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I'd very much like to punch a feminist.
Iād never, ever hurt a lady but Iād be happy to punch a feminist. Itād bring me great joy.
Iām 6ā2 and weigh 180lbs
ready when you are
Or if youād like to have some more optionsā¦.
Iām 6ā4ā 228 pounds and have 9 years of combined martial arts training and 3 years of being a Line Backer in football. Just in case you are looking forĀ variety.
what about a lady and a feminist. warning, combatives certified soldier.
im tiny, iām like 5ā²4 and 130 lbs but u can fight me too
Reblogging for the last one cuz thatās adorable
SO PROUD
The Fantastic 4 we deserve
OMG IVE ONLY SEEN THIS POST IN SCREEN SHOTS
We will all protect the small one.
Handsome, well dressed boys.
the real depression nap is when you go to bed at 10pm just because you canāt think of any reason to be awake
YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE YOUR TITS
If I actually gave two shits
On some real shit, I do not fuck with people who ride those boat things at the carnival. People who get on those do not give a fuck about life, they donāt care about you, ya mama or your kids. They literally have nothing to lose. You donāt care about life so thereās no need for me to fight you because youāre not going to give a damn about my face.Ā
THIS JOINT!!!!
BITCHHHHHHH. I got on this shit when I was 12. Wasnāt no bar, no protection, nothing in that shit. I didnāt realize until it was too late. You couldnāt pay me to ever get on this shit ever again in my life. We were in Landover, this shit almost smooth flipped my ass to Baltimore. No. Never again.Ā
12? I got on this bitch when I was 21 and had my head in my exās shoulder the ENTIRE time. Screaming like a bih too. Nope. Never again. I was praying to the gravity gods the entire time.
?????? All it does is swing back and forth???? I donāt understand the concern??????
centrifugal force keeps you in your seat.
Centrifugal force isnāt keeping me from crying tho
why is this so funny

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A license to drive drunk
At 21, Iāve reached an age where $100 is a lot to give up, but not a lot to receive.