a little obtuse

[very clearly indulging the urge] im fighting the urge

dudes will be like "if you don't Contribute To Society you don't get to live, that's the simple facts" meanwhile their job is like Marketing and Brand Development Specialist

i feel like i’m cursed forever but other than that i’m doing alright

has anyone noticed recently that it's expensive

times like these really make you appreciate pouring river water in your socks

it’s gonna be so anticlimactic when somebody finally succeeds

Saying "Magneto was right" but shaking my head the whole time so people know I don't mean that he was right about mutants being a separate species when they don't satisfy any of the criteria for speciation.

my sons ranked from most to least hard to love

hurr hurr I'm a human body hurr hurr I'm gonna solve all my problems using mucus

"i require more fluids" well what did you do with the fluids I already gave you. hmm? did you make more mucus with them? you made more mucus with them.