Pint-Sized Warrior

“I can’t,” the immortal says.

“Why not?” the lover asks.

“I’m already sharing my power.”

“With who?”

Not, however, according to Olivia, who decided to nickname him Ham.

No one’s really sure whether she wasn’t totally listening when he was introduced and only caught the last part of his name, or if she decided Abe was too boring a nickname, or maybe she was just hungry, but the nickname has stuck for the last twenty years.  Of course, Olivia was and still is the only person to use it.

When they were seven or eight, he decided to get back at her by calling her Olive.  That nickname stuck, too, and they’ve been Olive and Ham since.  But only to each other.  They get highly offended if anyone else calls them that.

Last night was their seventh anniversary, and Abe proposed to Olivia, and she said yes.  And how did she announce it on Facebook, you may ask?

Not, however, according to Olivia, who decided to nickname him Ham.

No one’s really sure whether she wasn’t totally listening when he was introduced and only caught the last part of his name, or if she decided Abe was too boring a nickname, or maybe she was just hungry, but the nickname has stuck for the last twenty years.  Of course, Olivia was and still is the only person to use it.

When they were seven or eight, he decided to get back at her by calling her Olive.  That nickname stuck, too, and they’ve been Olive and Ham since.  But only to each other.  They get highly offended if anyone else calls them that.

Last night was their seventh anniversary, and Abe proposed to Olivia, and she said yes.  And how did she announce it on Facebook, you may ask?

okay, but imagine:

wednesday is at the local library with her father, searching the shelves for a book uncle fester told her about dangerous animals in south america. Gomez strikes up a conversation with the elderly librarian mrs. phelps to help wednesday find what they are looking for.

“That one? Or, Mr. Addams - I’m afraid it’s been checked out.”

a squeaky wheel catches wednesday’s attention, and right past her walks a girl with an ENTIRE red-rocket wagon topped full of books. the girl carefully looks over each book and drops them carefully into the book-return

that’s when wednesday sees it - the book she’s been looking for.

wednesday walked slowly up to the girl’s wagon, and touched the cover.

“I just finished that one,” the girl says. wednesday straightens up. “It has a fascinating chapter on the red-bellied piranhas of South America.”

“We’re looking at getting one for Pugsley’s tank,” wednesday says.

“A piranha? It will eat your fish,” she said.

“I’m counting on it.”

“Is Pugsley your fish?”

“My brother.” Wednesday replied.

The girl thought a moment. “You’ll need at least a dozen - they hunt best in schools.”

wednesday just barely smiled, a single corner of her lips turning up. “I’m wednesday addams.” she said, extending a hand.

The next day, the Wormwoods have gone on an indefinite vacation and need the Addams family to watch their daughter while they’re gone.

What? It doesn’t matter where they’re going. Stop asking.

Of course it has nothing to do with the large gentleman and the severed hand who showed up to help Matilda pack yesterday.

And it certainly has nothing to do with the fact that Mr. Wormwood came home to a hungry lion in his living room, with a very calm and very pale woman sitting in his chair, giving the lion a belly rub and saying she “just wanted to speak to you about our daughters.”

After some whispered conversation- “Cara, she’s twenty-three. Twenty-three, for pity’s sake! And barely more than skin and bones!” -the pocket doors slide open and the entire family gravely approaches the young teacher. Who, for her part, doesn’t look frightened in the least.

“There’s a perfectly lovely tower room in the East Wing, my dear,” Morticia says, taking her gently by the arm. “You look like you could use some rest.”

15 minutes later this old guy came up to the counter with his address written on a napkin & he said “me and my wife have a whole herd of dexters and a couple of new calves. come on over any time”

so after work I was like ok fuck it & I drove to the address and I parked at at the gate & I walked down the driveway to the barn and this woman was like “oh my husband told me you might stop by! come see our cows” and she introduced me to every single cow. made my whole week.

i'm in Ireland and the search for that bastards name is still blocked and hidden... the legnths the british go to defend and protect their instruments of colonialism and violence is beyond belief. no justice for the victims and yet every measure taken to protect David James Cleary and his fellow murderers.