Barry Murphy

My goal for 2018: become the hottest, most jawdropping, irresistible, devestatingly gorgeous version of myself.

Wow, not all fascists are fucking pricks

Sounds like someone needs to talk to a bayonet

Imagine being someone who writes out the sentence, “not all fascists are pricks.”

the one in the winnie the pooh shirt was the real beyonce here

your bed is probably as happy to see you as you are to see it. ‘here comes the warmth slab’ it thinks

wrong it thinks “god hope this dipshit doesnt spill beans all over me again who tf eats beans in bed”

Im pretty sure white ppl cant run in general so idk why he is complaining for.

Can confirm. Source: am white

There’s probably a German compound word for that feeling you get at 2am when you’re single in your mid twenties and the creeping doubt that you’ve somehow missed your only chance at love because you didn’t meet someone in college and now it’s too late

Germans got a word for fucking EVERYTHING.

German is like the dictionary of obscure sorrows

if only we had followed marina diamandis rules we wouldn’t even have to consider following dua lipa’s