SUSPICIOUS TAB

got my first ever official customer complaint because when i was going over the terms of their life insurance they were like "well i don't plan to die" and i was like "well you're going to"

Eventually we get larger from eating them

any day now folks

this could be big

"The word pandemonium was coined by John Milton as the name for the Parliament of Hell" is an all-timer etymology. Oh yeah did you hear that Mrs Higgins's dogs got loose at the village fête? It was like a vast golden edifice in which fallen angels debate their strategies for vengeance against god, yeah.

One thing most people don't realize about Gazebos is how bloodthirsty they used to be until the 1930s or so. It used to be that in order to appease your average small town gazebo you had to feed it 4-5 marching bands a year, or roughly 2 dozen barbershop groups. Noawadays? Throw it a steely dan cover act every 6 months, maybe a bridal party every few years if you're actively trying to court its favor, and you're pretty much in the clear. And the crazy thing is nobody knows why they calmed down, or that their appetite for flesh won't return to its 19th century heights one day. It's actually an increasingly popular theory among modern Gazebo researchers that we're at the tail end of a period of dormancy and it's only a matter of time until they start howling for blood again. And if/when that does happen there's the question of whether our modern zeeb-keepers are really ready for the task of booking enough sacrificial acts to meet that increased demand. Guild policy has gotten lax in the century since the heyday of Dark Pavillionism and a lot of local keepers refuse to even look at newer research that threatens to upset their status quo. Kind of scary to think about

she took the pey wet in the divorce

I only got custody of our babby's yed. not even the full babby

she told the judge i had been smacking our barms

in Wigan I'm as good as fucked

there is a bad smell in the room

i hate the word spicy can we bring back calling things erotic

rolling up to Wendy's to get an erotic chicken sandwich

your lightning infused twinblade smells fucking awful

Olive Garden... When you're here you are nothing but a fucking sex object

We make fun of steampunk and mock it but imagine if there really were marvelous devices

does anyone know what we are supposed to want

this lettuce smells like dog

you bought dog lettuce

Made the mistake of buying a bag of spinach as a person who lives alone so now every single meal I eat for the next 2 weeks is gonna about this damn spinach. We are on 24/7 spinach lockdown. Last time this happened, I made 3 salads and a spinach curry and spinach pasta and STILL half the bag turned to green rot in the fridge. My conception of "what meals require spinach" is rapidly expanding into "what meals COULD conceivably include spinach." I am considering recipes never before seen outside the realms of vegan mommy blogs. By day 10 I anticipate I will probably just do a Land Before Time and take the rest of that shit raw