just a dishwasher in the bathroom

sorry if all of my posts have a vaguely sadomasochist undertone to them. it’s because i’m a sadomasochist

i love wearing jeans. i feel so beautiful. like bruce springsteen

my advice for not going insane? try to do something every weekend. go to events, you’ll love events. and not like just hang out with ur friends or go clubbing , no, make a day out of going to some local market by yourself or attend some strange convention event you’ve never heard of. i cannot stress the importance of doing random events on a friday night or saturday or a sunday at r pm for mentally ill people especially if you’re depressed and have been searching for an anchor 2 tether yourself to. attend some events now

seeing a lot of tags on this like “i would do this but my social battery is low and i have social anxiety” great news! so do i! and YOU are the target audience of this post in fact! i speak from experience when i say that if you do this often enough then things will probably get easier for you and you’ll feel a lot less afraid around social environments. literally go to random conventions about vacuums or flea markets near where you live and like talk to the people there. ask them about their weird niche interests or what they’re selling like YOU don’t even have to be the one TALKING the great thing is you can just go to these things to interact with people for like one time and you’ll never have to worry about meeting them again probably. these are great for like test runs of social interactions ok. rule number one of my life do not block yourself off from things you could potentially be interested in because you are afraid of saying the wrong thing at them or something because that will just open you up into spiraling into thinking you are deserving of nothing good like this like you HAVE to stop thinking like that as soon as possible. and not because some random guy on the internet says that it’s good to shut that part of your brain off for whatever reason This is literally for your own benefit. so yeah go down to the library and ask the lady at the desk what her favorite book is not only will it enhance your life it will enhance the lives of others. fucking have fun and fuck it and ball and live joyously even in small doses cuz even small doses of living are still LIVING!!!!!!! GO HAVE FUN!!!!!!!! ITS GREAT

I wouldn't even be a scheming eunuch. I would be a loyal and scrupulous eunuch. I would be a eunuch who genuinely wanted to see you succeed.

2013-2016 Hyundai Genesis Coupe

and every time we kiss I swear I could fly

baby's first bruh moment

When you meet Edward Elric he gives off the impression that he's the short-tempered hot-headed "violence is the answer to all life's questions" kind of protagonist, and it's in fact incredible character craft that he's actually the character who ends the series with a negative-3 kill count.

God's worst soldier Edward Elric. Showed up as the youngest member of the Amestrian army, took millions of dollars from them, never followed a single order, helped dismantle their fascist regime, left with a lower kill count than he arrived with, then fucked off to go be a house-husband. Character of all time.

I turn my back on the mirror to take out my phone and open tumblr in casual fashion. Unbeknownst to me, my mirror self stays in place and takes his phone out to open tumblr in sinister fashion.

free use is kind of a funny kink bc it relies on the idea that everybody wants to touch you and have sex with you but what if they don't. what if you tell everybody at the party you're free use but they all ignore you and mind their own business

at some point in your life you will be boiling fruit, water, sugar, and lemon juice in a pot to make a syrup or jam. the instructions will tell you to simmer for a certain amt of time. your timer will go off and you will look at the pot and go, "hm, this doesn't look thick enough. maybe i'll let it go for another 10 minutes." this is the devil speaking. it's only so liquid right now because it is at boiling point. it will thicken when it cools down. learn from the follies of my youth and do not let this happen to you

at some point in your life you will be making a sauce or a stew in which you need to add cornstarch to thicken it. and you will prepare a slurry of starch in cold water and think "this looks like way too little starch to thicken this amount of liquid." this is the devil speaking. cornstarch instantly polymerizes at 95°C and if you add too much it will turn into an impossibly thick goop.

at some point in your life you will be making some sort of cream based dessert that requires gelatin to thicken it. and you will soak some gelatin sheets in water and think "this is too few gelatin sheets for this amount of cream." this is the devil speaking. it will thicken in the fridge and if you add too much you will end up with milk jelly

at some point in your life you will be baking cookies. you will take the sheet out after twelve minutes as the recipe instructs and the cookies will still be glistening and soft. "these don't seem cooked enough," you will think to yourself, "i should place them back into the oven until their edges are nice and golden." this is the devil talking. this is how you get dry, overdone cookies. the cookies will continue to bake on the warm sheet for several more minutes and then harden up after sitting on a rack for a while. trust the process. trust the process.

at some point in your life you will be adding a small pasta to a soup and you will think "that is not enough small pasta." this is the devil talking. the pasta will absorb the stock and expand. this is how you end up with a soup that is a solid mass of soggy ditalini.