
taylor price
DEAR READER

tannertan36

Kiana Khansmith
dirt enthusiast

pixel skylines
NASA

PR's Tumblrdome
almost home
Keni
Aqua Utopiaď˝ćľˇăŽĺşă§č¨ćśăç´Ąă

Origami Around
AnasAbdin
TVSTRANGERTHINGS

⣠Chile in a Photography âŁ
wallacepolsom

Janaina Medeiros


seen from United States

seen from Malaysia

seen from T1
seen from Greece
seen from TĂźrkiye

seen from Brazil

seen from T1

seen from TĂźrkiye

seen from United States

seen from Austria
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States

seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from TĂźrkiye
seen from Canada
@brandosando

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch ⢠No registration required ⢠HD streaming
âStorms. She was perfect. A curvaceous figure, tan Alethi skin,light violet eyes, and not a hint of aberrant color to her jet-black hair. Making Jasnah Kholin as beautiful as she was brilliant was one of the most unfair things the Almighty had ever done.â
Shallan, ur gay is massively showing.Â
My artwork for the Legend of Korra concert!
Minneapolis-Honeywell's First Computer (1947) via Hennepin County Library

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch ⢠No registration required ⢠HD streaming
The other night husband and I were watching a documentary about the yeti where they were doing DNA analysis of samples of supposed yeti fur, and every one of them came back as bears.
Anyway, the next night we watched a thing about some pig man who is supposed to live in Vermont. People said it had claws and a pig nose but walked upright like a man. Now, I happen to know that sideshows used to shave bears and present them as pig men. So every piece of evidence they gave of this monster sounds to me like a bear with mange.
So now the running joke in our house is that everything is bears. Aliens? Bears. Loch Ness monster? Bear. Every cryptozoological mystery is just a very crafty bear.
Bears. Theyâre everywhere. Be wary. Anyone or anything could be a bear.
oh shit
As the OP of this post, Iâm going to threaten that if this gets to one million notes by the 10 year anniversary on 1 June 2026, one year from today, I will get a lower back tattoo of the loch ness bear monster.
Y'all know what to do Tumblr.
Life is beach
Oh, this definitely belongs on Tumblr.
From the Nib, by Mattie Lubchansky
There should be a napoleon in every generation. Like the dalai lama. French revolutionary monks searching the countryside with a group of artillerymen which each candidate child must attempt to command

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch ⢠No registration required ⢠HD streaming
1973 NASA art by Rick Guidice visualizes the idea of a Pioneer probe using Jupiterâs gravity to slingshot itself toward the outer planets and beyond.
I laughed to hard at this fucking thing.
dont say that ur awesome sauce
This is Tie, she is going to eat all of the notes
reblog to feed her notes
How is she doing this
my issue with polyamory is not with the basic fact of dating multiple people, thatâs whatever. its with the fact that the community explicit prizes autonomy over care, and the fact that people are routinely told to gaslight themselves into being ok with things theyâre not under the guise of âdoing the work.â
and also the way thereâs so little space for âin doing the work, i discovered poly is not for me.â not only are those discussions rare in poly spaces, but soooooo many times iâve seen people who are seriously struggling and they keep being told to work through it and sometimes itâs clear this person is really being mentally and emotionally harmed by polyamory and the right choice is to quit.
and also the way so many of the feelings people have are chalked up to âmonogamous conditioning.â sure, maybe at first but after five or ten years if it hasnât gotten better maybe itâs not conditioning anymore, maybe itâs actually coming from within you. sometimes the negative feelings are actually your body and mind telling you âhey, this really is not working for me,â and itâs ok to say âyeah, itâs not, and actually the benefits are not outweighing the struggles at this point.â
also the way people speak about hierarchy⌠yes, you should be aware of coupleâs privilege, but if a couple has been married for 15 years then no a new relationship one of them has should not hold the same significance as their marriage. that doesnât make sense.
and also relational care, to me, is more important than autonomy. you should gaf if your actions affect your partner. you should understand when they feel cast aside. if your relationship canât weather polyamory, either be honest and break up or stop being poly. instead of just expecting your partner to be quietly miserable. but thereâs an expectation that a distressed partner should wait at home doing self-care alone trying to regulate while their partner is out on a date. and like⌠sure, i guess if itâs your first foray into polyamory and still getting used to it i get it, but if thatâs where youâre holding then it sounds like that person isnât ready. or never will be. and thatâs ok. being able to self-regulate is important but if youâre constantly having to self-regulate because of the actions of a person whoâs supposed to be caring for you⌠i donât know, man.
there were many things that made me leave polyamory, a combo of personal experiences and what i witnssed in online polyamory spaces, but a couple of interactions were the tipping point for me.
one was that in a group i was in, someone was mentioning how they have a long-term partner who does not want to escalate their relationship to engagement or marriage, and they were fine with that until the partner proposed to a new partner. and now theyâve been struggling with jealousy. which⌠of fucking course!!!! theyâd taken it as a given that the partner just wasnât interested in marriage and then it had turned out they were, but not to them! thatâs heartbreaking! it is!! frankly itâs a slap in the face (unless youâre also on board with the non-escalation). and they were coming for help working through that and thatâs when it clicked for me⌠thereâs no real stability. in at least the standard modern of relationship that poly communities embrace, autonomy means that at any point you can be shifted or downgraded or deprioritized and youâre expected to just âdo the workâ to make yourself ok with it. and what it looked like to me is that a huge percentage of poly advice is âdo the work to make yourself okay with it.â
another thing was talking to someone whoâd been poly for 10 years and was still struggling with things like sadness over having less time with a partner who didnât live full-time with them bc of the time the partner was spending at another personâs house, and realizing that oh, time spent doing the work doesnât make this better. discomfort with a setup like that is not âmonogamous conditioning.â itâs someone not getting their relationship needs met. and thatâs what it is for me, the idea that you cannot hold expectations of another person to meet those needs.
i do want to say that there are iâm sure many poly folks and polycules who do prize relational care and who do meet one anotherâs relationship needs. iâm sure there are many stable poly relationships and folks who are genuinely fulfilled and happy in them. this is not me saying âpolyamory is bad and no one should do it,â itâs me naming some strains of toxicity iâve identified in the community and its norms. i also acknowledge that iâm getting a lot of this from online polyamory groups (mostly support groups) where almost all of the posts are by people who are struggling while the people who arenât, arenât posting.
but with that being said, iâm not basing these opinions on the volume of individuals struggling but rather the way theyâre encouraged to think and the way things are framed. for example, so many shitty and disrespectful things that people would post about would receive âyou canât tell them not to do that, it violates their autonomy.â
case in point, what inspired this rant, years after i left the community? a discussion iâve been seeing. i didnât see the original post but hereâs what iâve gathered: a pregnant woman found out her partner had also impregnated his other girlfriend, whose due date is a few months later, and sheâs upset about it. sheâs building a family with him and this throws a wrench into everything. and, someone respected in the community is saying that she doesnât have a right to have asked him not to impregnate someone else, because that would violate his and the gfâs reproductive autonomy.
and i understand where that perspective is coming from. but essentially that is a framework that denies someone the right to stability, and right to have expectations of a partner about their future, the right to a certain family setup. if you want to impregnate multiple women then donât date a woman who doesnât want that! itâs fuckboy behavior. i guess at its most stripped down level you donât have a ârightâ to tell someone else they canât conceive a child but you can absolutely feel hurt and betrayed. and frankly yes you should be able to be in relationships where you can expect your partner not to intentionally do this to you.
polyamory will have you excusing all kinds of fuckboy behaviors under the guise of autonomy. it will have you thinking that expectations to the contrary are derived from control. but theyâre not, theyâre derived from the desire for safety and stability. the difference between a postpartum woman caring for a child who has her partnerâs full support and time vs. a postpartum woman caring for a child whose partner is splitting his time with another household and baby is huge! him having a baby with someone else is a life-altering choice. itâs a choice that affects her and their child. and thatâs the thing about the standard narratives of polyamory â a refusal to accept that oneâs actions affect others. and that those effects canât be washed away just by âdoing the work.â no amount of inner work will make up for the fact that he will have another baby he has to split his time with.
this is just the most dramatic example but it highlights for me just how often micro versions of this dynamic are presented and folks are expected to just be fine with it. itâs a question of whether you take responsibility for how your choices affect your partners, or not. again i am sure there are plenty of polyamorous people who absolutely do take that responsibility, but i think also itâs given a free pass quite a lot.
i also think relationship anarchy is a practice which really can only be done with detachment. for example, and this is a bit different because i understand RA and solo poly are not synonyms (but philosophically theyâre very similar), there were some solo poly folks responding to the above situation with âI simply set a boundary that I will not co-parent, but I donât control my partnerâs reproductive choices with others,â which sure, great, but thatâs not the situation. the person whoâs now left pregnant with a partner who wonât be able to fully support her canât just boundary-set her way out of it. it only works if you choose not to entangle yourself with others physically, logistically, emotionally. which yeah, thatâs solo poly, and thatâs great if thatâs what you want. but there have to be better frameworks for the people who donât want to be that disengaged.
my theory is that a lot of these frameworks and narratives are downstream effects of the book more than two, which did massive harm to the community and its lessons have not been unlearned. it was co-authored by an abusive man and the woman he was abusing, and contained lots of advice that amounted to letting the people youâre in relationship with do the work on their own to be okay with whatever youâre doing polyamorously thatâs causing distress. i could be wrong, maybe these toxic ideas were already part of the community, but i canât imagine this helped.
and another thing. the way de-escalation, non-escalation, and breakups are framed. often breakups are reframed as conscious uncoupling, a process in which the couple works together to break up in a way that shifts rather than ending a relationship, generally shifting it from romantic to it platonic and/or from committed to uncommitted. and sure that sounds wonderful in theory. but it doesnât leave room, i think, for genuine pain and anger that often surround breakups. those emotions arenât bad, theyâre real, and there are real reasons to feel them. it doesnât leave space for the fact that sometimes the healthiest option after a breakup is to cut contact, not to remain friends or to process or to run a podcast together or teach classes together or what have you. sometimes breakups are hard breaks because thatâs actually the best choice.
and even worse is the framing around de-escalation and non-escalation and the relationship escalator. if you want to marry your partner and they donât want to marry you, that hurts! that is a rejection! if youâre living together and they decide they want to live separately, thatâs also a rejection and itâs kind of a mini-breakup. i am not advocating that people consider themselves obligated to escalate or not to change the terms of a relationship when itâs not working for them. you are allowed to say no i donât want to marry you. you are allowed to say no i donât want to live together anymore. BUT! the person on the receiving end of this rejection is allowed to see it as a rejection, theyâre allowed to be hurt, theyâre allowed to reevaluate the relationship, theyre allowed to take a break to reassess. and hot take but they are even allowed to feel lead on, angry, or resentful, as long as they do not harm the other person in the process, ie donât start screaming at your partner.
what iâve seen several times are reels popping up in my feed of people talking about their deescalations (sometimes full deescalations that are effectively breakups) and how they may have been a little sad at first but quickly moved on into accepting the new setup and how actually this process was so good healing and etc etc and like. look if thatâs your real genuine experience, great! but it does not and should not have to look like that. you are actually allowed to grieve losses, and yes losing a relationship is a loss. you are allowed to be sad for more than a moment. youâre allowed to feel empty, or miserable, or confused, or any of a range of emotions. so much of this is toxic positivity and trying to spin things that are painful into something happy and fluffy. not everything is happy and fluffy. you are allowed to take time to process a de-escalation, or even a no to an escalation request, and donât just have to go âthank you for telling meâ and seamlessly move on in joy to the new paradigm.
this for me is the core of the issue. self-gaslighting, blaming people for struggling, toxic positivity, detachment, and the assumption that everyone is cut out for all of this if only they do the inner work.
again i have no issue with the concept in itself of being in multiple relationships. or with reimagining relationships. my issues are:
- ignoring the very real friction points that polyamory causes
- reimagining relationships in ways that donât make space for genuine reactions and emotions
- valuing autonomy for its own sake so highly that you leave behind relational care
- not understanding that one personâs actions affect other people and that the more people involved, the more true that becomes
- situations where the only successful emotional strategies are detachment or self-negation
- the expectation to make yourself feel okay with things you genuinely donât feel okay with
so yeah. iâm sure a healthy polyamory could exist but right now this is what Iâve observed of polyamorous communities and norms and i havenât seen much evidence these issues are being meaningfully addressed.
fin.
I'm polyamorous. I've always been polyamorous, and I almost certainly will always be polyamorous. I have never been in a monogamous relationship. I've never understood the appeal of monogamy, and I doubt I ever will.
But yes, the community toxicity you're talking about is very real. I was once bullied out of a poly group for saying that it's natural to prioritize a longstanding relationship over a new one by default, and that that's not the same as imposing an artificial hierarchy.
Healthy polyamory requires treating all of your partners with respect, taking their needs seriously, and being willing to compromise. It also requires being open about your own needs, and expecting respect, consideration, and compromise from your own partners. It cannot be one partner's sole responsibility to "do the work". You need to work together.
And it can absolutely be done! I've been in a healthy, stable, loving open/poly relationship for about 14 years now. When one of us has concerns about the other's other relationships, we talk about it, and we work through it together. Sometimes just talking about it resolves the issue, and sometimes it requires a compromise (so we compromise).
That's something that I really want to emphasize - you are absolutely allowed to have concerns about your partners' other relationships, and you are absolutely allowed to talk to them about it. You should talk to them about it. You don't have to suffer in silence.
You are allowed to get upset, or angry, or even jealous, and you are allowed to express those feelings, and so are your partners. Having those feelings doesn't mean you're doing polyamory wrong; it means you're human.
Unfortunately, yes, there are a lot of fuckboys (of all genders) in the community who do expect their partners to suffer in silence, to bottle up their feelings and "do the work" on their own. Those people suck, and the rest of us hate them. But as is so often the case, the assholes tend to be the loudest voices in the room.
Polyamory is not for everyone. If it doesn't appeal to you, or you don't think you could handle it, then don't do it. But it can absolutely work. And when it does, it's wonderful.
(Btw, I'd like to point out that most of what I've said in this post applies to monogamous relationships as well.)

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch ⢠No registration required ⢠HD streaming
Just so you all know, my tumblr glitched egregiously so now every time someone reblogs this from me, tumblr takes me off of my dashboard or search results and forces me to see this post again
WHY DID SOMEONE ADD AN INCINERATOR ????
I STILL HAVE TO SEE THIS BTW. ITS BEEN YEARS.
And you will see it again.
the suffer brothers