a place for my brain trash

my arm isn't working right and I'm at work. I've felt burnt out and drained by work nearly every day for ages now. it's a different kind of drained but I'm exhausted nonetheless.

footing the bill for so much house shit because I make the most which is fine, it is. but sorry I'm not keen on you missing more hours (already missed a day earlier in the week). picking up a weekend shift would be fine if it wasn't for the fact that im home on the weekends we need to make progress together

i know I'm only so pissy about this because I have a lowkey partially paralyzed arm rn and it's a scary feeling and it's fucking with my head. i have very poor motor control in that whole arm right now and not only is it painful because my shoulder is trying to compensate and my muscles are spasming, the internal ableism is really kicking it right now. my lack of motor skills in that arm make me feel like i look so much more disabled than i usually do (which is crazy because my mobility devices don't make me feel this way) and i feel so bad about it

I legit barely ate anything for like 4 days and barely had an appetite because of how stressed I was, similarly I barely drank any liquids

got like 6 hours of sleep over 48 hours (an hour on Friday night and thankfully more the next night)

I don't think my feet and back have ever hurt so bad, I was just standing for so long

(hopefully)

i think we've hit the point where we've sent all our stuff and now just waiting for other people to do their stuff

the worst part is trying to get things lined up for new house without having access to the new house

going to have buy fridge? cannot measure space for fridge

looking at new couches? gonna be hard enough to move the couch we have now so gotta wait

especially if it's a close to fatal thing?????? hello this should be obvious????

if this is meant to happen it will be easy