I really can’t grasp the concept of telling someone about a problem if you don’t want help fixing it. I mean I guess I get it if it’s something that can’t be fixed and you just want to vent like if someone close to you died or something, but if you tell me about a problem why would you not want help with solutions????? What else am I supposed to say???

I’ve had trouble falling asleep literally for as long as I can remember. I have memories of being a kid and lying in bed trying to fall asleep, studying the pattern on my bed frame and the intricate folds of the curtains and the drawings hanging on the wall and not being able to turn my brain off. My inability to fall asleep is like the most consistent thing in my life, It’s always taken me at least an hour to fall asleep and it seems like there’s just nothing I can do about it. You have no idea how many times I’ve googled the phrase “how to fall asleep”. When I was really young (4-7 ish) I was convinced I just didn’t know how and that there was something else you had to do to fall asleep besides closing your eyes and lying down. I thought everyone else knew how to do it and I’d probably just learn when I got older.

I feel like I’m not allowed to be alive if I’m not contributing to the world in some way. And I don’t know if it’s just some weird expectation I’ve set for myself or if people actually agree with that. But it sure makes me feel like shit for not having a job or really doing anything.

So has anyone ever actually figured out anything that helps with executive dysfunction or am I just destined to live with this bullshit forever

Days don’t feel like days anymore. It’s just all a blur. I do the same thing every day, I just lay in bed or sit at my computer. Everything is so pointless. I don’t even have anything to procrastinate. I have nothing to do. I’m just existing for absolutely no reason. And I know that even if I had somewhere to go or something to do I wouldn’t be able to do it because of executive dysfunction and just being so used to not doing anything. I’m so lonely and sad and bored all the time and I hate it but I can’t do anything about it.

I know this is selfish and stupid but I can’t help but feel pissed when people get depressed and they have tons of friends and loved ones and therapy and they’re over it in a year at most. I know I should feel happy for them but I just can’t help it. I feel so jealous and angry that I’ve been depressed and suicidal for the last like 6 years and nothing helps but people seem to get over their depression so easily.

Every time I try to talk to someone about something serious I feel like such an idiot. I feel like people brush me off and think “aw, he’s trying to have a grown up thought let’s humor him” and I know my thoughts make sense in my head but I just can’t articulate any fucking thing and it makes me seem like an idiot but people still act like what I’m saying makes sense and means something even though it clearly doesn’t. So I can’t even trust people to let me know if I’m making sense because everyone fucking lies cause they feel bad for the retard stumbling his way through this simple ass sentence. I’m so god damn tired of not being able to communicate with anyone in a meaningful way or make a point that’ll stay with them for no other reason than being a socially inept idiot. What’s the point of having thoughts if I can’t even share them with people.

I hate when people tell me that everything will be fine. It’s like I’m holding a fucking bomb and it’s counting down rapidly and I’m the only one who’s worried. And people are telling me that the count down could stop at any moment and worrying isn’t going to help it. And they’re right, worrying isn’t going to help but this bomb has no reason to stop. It’s a bomb. It’s going to explode, and I don’t know what to do about it and clearly neither does anyone else.

Man, people who dismiss mental health advice with a “we can’t all be neurotypical”-esque attitude are really missing out. Actually listening to advice and trying to apply it to my life has been so damn beneficial.