the bpd experience

intrusive thoughts: what if-

Calling out sick from work/school and convinsing yourself that everyone is now against you because you left them hanging.

If someone crosses you the wrong way, you will never forget the feeling they gave you- no matter what they say/do afterwards.

Putting everyone in your life on trial for not living up to your expectations.

Watching someone across the room talking to a mutual friend- and then becoming paranoid its about you. Especially when one of them looks over at you.

Sitting in a corner spot of a public place because you dont want to take up space/ dont feel worthy enough to take up space.

Talking in a group conversation- feeling like they are too good/ righteous for your input.

Yelling at a Family member, then having flashbacks for all that person has done for you. Wishing you were never born because you just hurt people with your words/actions.

Seeing a bill come in the mail with your name on it, then blaming yourself for all of the things your family couldnt afford because youre mentally ill.

Wishing you just lived under the stairs like Harry Potter, because you dont feel normal enough to be apart of your family.

Feeling on top of the world, feeling better then your peers. And then in a split second someone could say something and your world crashes and burns..

Needing constant attention. Feeling like a piece of shit unless people are constantly acknowledging you/praising you.

Needing to constantly tell someone you love them..

Craving validation, needing to be understood.

Addiction is your middle name, becoming addicted to the smallest things. But cant grasp any self control.

Feeling like the world is out to get you, and your fighting a battle by yourself.

fp: enters the room

me: ☙♡ ☆  hello ☀☼sunshine!!!!☼☀!!!! ☆  ♡ ☆ 

+ “i still love and care about you, but at the moment i am angry right now and i’m not talking to you for a certain time period, and i will talk to you again at ________”

+ “i’m going away for a while/i might not have internet connection, so i’m not going to talk to you for [time period], and i want you to know that i’m not ignoring you”

+ “my connection is bad right now, so i might not see your message, but i promise i’m not ignoring you!”

+ “i’m vagueing someone on [blog/site] right now, but i want you to know that it’s not about you”

+ “you’ve done [something they’ve done wrong], and that makes me uncomfortable/that’s not right. i still love you/care about you, but i need you not to do it again because [state a reason why].

+ “if i suddenly go offline, that means i’ve gone to sleep/my internet got cut off, and i wasn’t trying to avoid you”

+ “i’ve made a new friend/met someone new today, but i want you to know that you’re still my [best friend? number one? beloved partner? you can choose!]