hashbrown dadbod

in charcuterie city, you'll always be cheesed to meet your friends

I hate charcuterie city I want to go somewhere else

this is all that's left.

this is all that's left.

*street shot of zohran mamdani clad in nasty lil suit and hard hat* five months ago i was elected mayor of new york city. in that time, we have managed to COMPLETELY defeat the Staten Island Minotaur at no additional cost to the new york taxpayer

@boyofdough

I love how Zohran Mamdani is wearing a suit everywhere. And if he has anything else he puts it ON TOP of the suit. A basketball jersey. A high-vis vest. All worn over the suit. He’s like the mayor character in a cartoon who’s always dressed as The Mayor. If I didn’t know who he was and he biked past me in NYC I’d be like holy shit was that the mayor

@boyofdough

we’re so lucky that gilgamesh survived and is a banger. can you imagine if we found the oldest written human story ever recorded and it sucked balls.

Okay so it turns out a “sword sage” rises in the hierarchy based on how many apprentices they recruit and how many novices those apprentices take on. They don’t ascend through meditation and endless repetition of the blade forms, they don’t even decide ranking through a grand tournament or anything. But they do say the people on the top get access to ancient sacred swords and scrolls of divine insight, which is a grave injustice against noble hearted warriors who seek mastery of the blade arts. As a true dedicated disciple of the blade, it falls on me to topple this corrupt pyramid, and that’s why I need you to join my righteous cause and become my apprentice

You are truly wise and noble of heart to join my cause. But you must know that two swords are not enough to strike down a foe this vile. What we need is strength in numbers. Thus I beseech you; go out and recruit disciples of your own, then return to me and I will teach you all the techniques I have mastered thus far. Together we will bring justice to all disciples of the blade who have been kept from true mastery by the corruption at the core of this multi-level monastic order

im actually cleft in twain right now can i call you back

you've heard of death of the author, now get ready for death of the audience: where instead of basing your reaction on a thousand uninformed opinions online, you actually read the text and engage with it

girl help there's people on this post who can't actually read my text

i know the way people talk about their pets now is probably how we’ve been doing it for all of history. a cat owner in ancient rome saw their cat lounging on the dining pillows and commented “he thinks himself to be the senator claudius 🤣”

you gotta come to the club man drinks are $18 and were all on our phones googling dog surgery