more fun than your body has room for

Check out this CD I burned. (Puts it in my car radio and plays it and it's just a medium quality recording of you coughing)

Now, your resume says you spent seven years as a “sex wizard”

Currently boiling Three count em Three baby carrots to feed my bugs because one person on reddit said their bugs liked that 👍

Apple has announced a new emoji of a little gay guy getting fucked in the butthole by a big gay guy and an emoji of a big gay guy getting fucked in the butthole by a little gay guy

I love gay people theres a guy in my neighborhood who named his one singular dog “simon and garfunkel”

There should be cigarettes made from night time

"drug seeking" as a patient one of the most dogshit stupid concepts of all time. fuuuck everybody look out this guy came in here expecting medical treatment. better watch out in case he goes to a restaurant and starts food seeking

combine eight pieces of UNCLE TECH SCRAP to create one random UNCLE DEVICE

did you have the dream i sent you?

the goal is to always have days so good that you forget you have a phone

talking like point-and-click game narration to the bugs in my room

you can't get out that way!

that's not very helpful.

maybe the open window will help.

try the open window instead.