An Unopened Box of Fruit Roll Ups

when your stomach is really mad at you and you're not sure which one of your fourteen unhealthy lifestyle choices is causing it

somehow my app bugged and cut the last nine words off so I thought op was a cow or something

there's only 7 words on the painting and you managed to misspell the two largest ones

He was as tall as he was tall, and his eyes were the color they were. To describe his hair one would say that he had some. His face had all the features you'd expect, and none of the ones you wouldn't. "There he is," people would often say of him, but only when he was there. And they were right.

“Why are you scared of dating” I’m not scared of dating, I just haven’t found anyone’s company to be more enjoyable than my own. And also I don’t care

I just don't want anyone to steal my very cursed amulet

Also the amulet

a printer error is an attempt from god to get you to kill yourself but you must be stronger and you must must must beat the printer to death with a large object like object

you may be losing the idgaf war but they wouldn't even let me enlist. on account of my poet's temperament.

"You're losing blood" no I know exactly where it is. The floor. Don't ever underestimate me.

fuuuuck that is my circus. are those…? yep… those are my monkeys….. goddammit.

everyone quiet down dj unprotected sex is getting an unexpected call from the clinic

having a freeze response to stress is so funny in the context of normal adult stressors. millions of years of evolution are trying to tell me that the email will not find me if i stay very still and do nothing

rude about their house