Asunder is basically the most classic way to be torn, and if you're looking to be cleft, in twain is a vintage but stunning choice

being online is so scary aren't you guys worried about the world wide spider

It took 36 years for someone to make this joke and by god it was worth the wait

i need to quit my job so i can sleep for 16 hours a day

my hips don't lie but they will exaggerate details, misrepresent the facts, and on occasion deceive via omission of crucial information

*grasping at straws* My straws!

the only way out is through but fuuuuuuuuuck fuuuuucckkkk cant i like scooch past or something

what they don't tell you about hadestown is that orpheus and eurydice are not the main characters. neither are persephone and hades. or hermes. or the fates. the main character is whoever in the band is playing the trombone because holy fuck

Very hard to scroll tumblr on the bus in the current fandom climate (the hockey players are sucking each others dicks every other post)

*experiences joint pain* we are losing the skeleton war

fool me once shame on you fool me twice blinding stew