no other hope for us but that we grow wise

It's weird when a lot of your problems are like. Mental health related. And/or low-level physical health I guess. I keep finishing weeks feeling like that week has been hard, exhausting, and packed, but when I look through, it's been a week where we do normal things or even less than normal and all the difficulties have come from inside us. And it's impossible to describe them even if I feel comfortable being that vulnerable to people which I don't always. Even when I say it like this it sounds like Bow and I have been having conflict but that's not the issue at all, that's not what's happening. We're not fighting each other! We're each fighting some sorts of evil spirits or something that we're both respectively haunted by, and also helping each other. It's really hard to explain "it's been extremely emotionally intense for most of the past two years, and mostly there's not been a material reason for that, it's just happening."

I'm grateful to be doing this in a house with a job that's not killing me and currently no potentially fatal health problems obviously. It's great that I don't have a lot of other problems on top of it, I'm really happy about that. It just makes me feel like I live in some kind of mirror verse that contains objects I cannot adequate explain to people who ask what I do all day.

Like, what have you been stressed about. Idk. Everything and nothing. Nothing is happening. Even when something is happening it's usually not the main issue. Our boiler has been broken for almost two weeks, that's not even the problem. Bow got ahold of an electrician about it and we're waiting around for him to find a replacement for the part that's the issue. That's a drop in the bucket compared to everything else but the everything else is mists and cobwebs, I can't point to it, it's all in stuff that's happened before and will happen again but doesn't get any easier.