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                “Oh. T’ank you!” Well that was a surprise! An actually pleasant child? He’d forgotten those existed. “Let me guess, you’re not from around here.”

              “Uhh, I dunno. I ain’t in charge of your opinion!”

         “Poison.”

        “Uh, yeah. Alright. I was headin’ dis way anyways...” He spoke, feeling quite awkward now. His stare lingered on the bush a moment longer, before continuing along on his way.

             “UM. WELL—some respect would be nice!” But of course that was too much too ask. What else was new? He glared down at the…whatever it was, standing before him, scythe glinting in the light. “Den I’d like ta send you to some hellish, nightmarish dimension! But y’know, get da ‘respect’ t’ing down first…” He grumbled.

            “Oh! I t’ought you seemed more tolerable den most of da people I’m forced to hang out with!” At the revelation that this stranger wasn’t mortal (or from Earth, in any case) he seemed to relax considerably in her presence. “Nice to meet ya! So, who are ya? An Eldritch god? A science experiment? An alien--? Oh sorry, I mean extraterrestrial?”

                 “Yeah, well. Dat’s probably because I ain’t human. Also I’m dead. You ever see a human dat’s been dead for a couple t’ousand years? Dey all end up lookin’ similar. I could show ya some if ya like!”

         “How can I possibly choose? But if I had to, I’d say deir voices. I seem to get annoyed every time I hear ‘em!”

“Hmm---but if ya wanted to ask him, I should probably join ya.” He was a vampire, after all. Billy and Mandy were still young, so he had no interest in them thankfully; but there was no way he was letting that decrepit old geezer sink his fanged dentures into Malaria’s very mortal neck. “Or we could just break into his place when he’s sleepin’! Which is like---all day long.”

“I hate dem both equally.”

                  “I’d like ta burn you...” He grumbled to himself under his ‘breath’ again as he continued fussing with the sandwich. Putting the finishing touches on it, he topped it with a little too much hot sauce, and slapped the final slice of bread on top, making sure to smush it down enough to deform it. He then pointed his scythe at it, and with a quick blast of light, a toasted sandwich was left on the plate, which he handed down to her. “Here you go, your highness. Feel free to choke!”

           “Da cake, candles, presents, joy, hope------it’s all fair game. Da little delinquent.” Don’t tell her I said that.

            “Well, to each deir own.” Any annoyance from any bossy mortal brats he’d been dealing with melted away on the spot, and was instantly replaced with a pleasant sense of calm. While Malaria didn’t have supernatural abilities, he could swear she was magic. “If you want blood, I can get ya blood! Who knows, it might go great as a dippin’ sauce!”