Let’s help people spot and leave behind abusive or toxic relationships/friendships without simultaneously creating unhealthy and unsustainable expectations to our loved ones.
“A real friend/partner will always be there for you-” may sound reasonable, but it isn’t healthy or sustainable to expect your friends/partner to be on the phone ready to interact with and prioritize you 24/7. Even people who love you will sometimes be busy with other things, and that does not mean that they do not genuinely love you or that they’re bad, toxic people. Sometimes having to wait 4 hours or maybe even a couple days before getting an answer to your text isn’t the sign that your friend/partner doesn’t actually care about you that this website often makes it out to be.
“People who love you will always make time for you-” is a quote I see often, but even real and loving partners will sometimes be too busy to hang out, need some space/alone time or want/need to prioritize something else for a while and this doesn’t automatically mean that they don’t love you.
“A real friend/partner will always support you-” may sound cute, but a real friend should also be able to call you out and criticize your behavior when they find it necessary, and a friend offering constructive criticism sometimes isn’t automatically equal to them being a bad friend.
“A real friend/partner will always be there when you need them” is also an unhealthy expectation cause no one can realistically be expected to be constantly available/drop everything else they’re doing because you happen to need them, and a friend/partner sometimes being unavailable and going “I’m sorry, but I can’t help you with that right now, I got my own stuff to deal with” isn’t equal to them not caring or the friendship being toxic.
This is only a couple examples, and while it is amazing that we as a community are trying to teach each other to stand up for ourselves and demand good treatment, dedication, support, respect and care from the people in our lives, we really, really need to be more careful about not heightening our expectations to our interpersonal relationships to unhealthy, toxic and unsustainable demands.
It’s important that we remember that our friends, partners and other loved ones are their own people first, and that just like we need to stop tolerating bad and toxic behavior from our loved ones, they also deserve friends who do not have toxic and unhealthy demands to them and who lets them be their own people who get to prioritize their own life, their own wants and needs and their own self care above being there for their friends, family and partner every one in a while.
It’s important to teach yourself not to tolerate mistreatment from your loved ones, but keeping yourself and your own expectations in check so that you don’t end up turning into the toxic part of the relationship yourself is important too.
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