i would like to go home now

tits out o'clock

wanting to kiss someone is just. like. what do you mean i am experiencing something akin to hunger? what do you mean i can feel this as an actual tactile ache? it is not "i want" like "i want a bike," it is "i want" like i am found wanting. you can want it so much you can force your own pupils to dilate. i'm seasick about it. this is a thing we evolved. this is something that we can physically crave.

Dump your boyfriend and master the art of sudoku instead

You can sing OR you can play basketball. You can't do both. Never think that

one thing about americans is that they know how to make a fucking milkshake

i hate the stupid milk consistency shit you get here like if you give me a milkshake it better be rock fucking solid. i want that thang thick like concrete. it should piss me off trying to drink it through a straw. i should have to wait for it to thaw

Americans are so good at making Beverage. One of our Foundational Moments was actually a party involving Making Beverage. Google "Boston Tea Party" for more

The thing is sometimes you really do have to chuckle darkly