Whoa ho!

so true beastie *we are laying in a field of dandelions and i am petting your massive snout* *you are 30 feet long and i love you*

stop drinking beer with the deer and come have a cider with the spiderrrr

*lights a cigar with a match and leans back in my plush leather chair, looking out through the blinds at the city. my fuckin city.*

i wish shapes were like bugs and you could just get like a circle infestation in your house or something. fuck ive got bed triangles fuuuck. this could solve everything

🦠 #my crobe

everyone wants masc carpenter trade until his rough calloused handjob sands your thing down small and smooth as a river stone

im dodging tornado attacks like its nothing

Have you tried going to a tornado shelter?

the tornadoes should be taking shelter from me

*picking petals* she loves me... she loves me lots... she loves me... she loves me lots...

basketball players fight over the basketball because they are hypnotized before each game to believe it is their egg

that guy's ok... he pays me a tithe. that guy doesn't pay me a tithe - we don't see eye to eye. oh, here comes a big tither. love this guy

There’s a large vehicle that occasionally drives past my house that just makes noise. I honestly think it was designed to make noise and do nothing else.

So the vehicle version of you?

I am not as big

Bro is petite

I am not 4 tons

Bro is tiny.

I am just not 4 tons

every time i try to check whats inside eggs stupid goop comes out

"hogwash" still one of the best words ever. this shit is so unbelievable its pig water