"You can't give up on yourself."

Having a job is an awesome way to stay hydrated because you get so bored you start drinking water just for a little excitement

Being an adult will have you unironically craving a vegetable

Being an adult will have you unironically sad about a parasite outbreak in fresh vegetables.

i got that dog in me but it's poorly socialized and i don't take it on as many walks as i should

(begging you to get me started) UGH don't get me started.......

i have [gestures vaguely] my tendencies

subject shows painful degree of self awareness paired with a complete inability to act on it

the thing is, it’s never too late for anyone to start over except me. I’m doomed and it’s over for me

the weather determines if I’m going to be evil

unfortunately i could never be nonchalant because i am not well in the head and also my soul is on fire

Bloopers are movie aftercare and it’s fucked up that we got rid of them