Simple Joy

Ownership meant a physical copy. Now you own nothing and can't find what you want across multiple streaming platforms.

it’s all psychology. the end shot is literally her in a muscle flex/winning pose. like… come on. it’s already built into the choreography. everything about it screams utter confidence and polished star power. full capacity, there was nothing left to add.

that’s why making this a 100% dance number with zero breaks helps to make her body language entirely deliberate. nothing is up to chance even if it means having a high risk staging where a million things can go wrong (think slomo - chanel in 2022), which is rewarded. the dance was both unhinged and unified/synchronized, a balance that catches our eye, aided by near-constant beat drops that audibly riled the crowd.

dynamic overrides static. emotion-filled, still-standing songs like nicole/conchita or what albania did are no longer the social media standard: jury and audience both want a young, driving physical presence. australia knew this and jacked up their ballad to the max as compensation, even with a dangerous stunt. in the past, nemo also lived up to this as did loreen, with extreme suspense and control over their limbs. the new unspoken rule is: the winner has to be someone who knows what they are doing with their body every second of the performance like a motor. no more raw diamonds. you need to be able to put any clip on tiktok. dynamism also instantly suggests you can put the artist on a stadium world tour with a two hour stamina set the next day as is. whether we like it or not, we live in an americanized fitness culture: cardio gets priority, and we live vicariously through agile performers.

besides a memorable chorus and having a face card, you also need an insane climax to win this - look at how damiano went as far as throwing himself on the ground at the end of zitti e buoni - and bangaranga also fucking has it. look at the aggressive zooms after the second minute, you cannot make this any more adrenaline-filled. perfect in our dopaminized, short attention span online world. dara knew our brains were long algorithm-trained for this. someone on here said it gave them motion sickness: objective achieved. the rapid cuts are tiny shocks that hypnotize us. akylas made the mistake of having his entire face concealed with a beard/sunglasses/hat, in an overstimulating performance we need the face as the consistent anchor so we don’t change the channel from overwhelm. dara’s styling team gave her a fantastic makeup that ties us to her countless expressions. dara emotes the most among all contestants, every other second, it’s so noticeable. the exaggeration makes it readable for everyone and provides variety.

you have to be able to repeat the song in one sentence with a sudden, three step chord progression. i’m the ban-ga-rang! hard.rock.hallelujah! like-a-satellite! that’s why my finnish and serbian metal hotties flopped (still sad) - as the title really has to stand out in the singing and give us the satisfying holy syllable trinity: EU-PHO-RIA! 

it’s equal parts outside the box/unpredictable VS having cultural references that we can categorize immediately. e.g. alyssa liu hair. confusion paired with familiarity and hooks. intermittent reinforcement. that is literal crack cocaine to human neurons. it’s how you cannot look away. like with ferto: angles and images. no chance to chat with the people/person you’re watching eurovision with, we were glued to the screen and vibed. in the cultural sciences, that’s called attention economy. less possible distraction? more chance someone votes. the same idea goes for how we haven’t heard anything about bulgaria in the mainstream news at all except successful protests last year. it’s a safe bank and a relative blank slate.

a public vote favorite who also gets a jury boost needs obvious social commentary, still. the background dancers are stripping off heavy makeup/plastic surgery masks. the current global discourse is all about looks and spiralling into madness, bangaranga is so extremely relevant it hurts. look at the opening shot: the world is upside down. she tilts it back for us. it’s so on the nose.

the last few winners were all english titles. do the math.

and what’s the only thing that can beat the political aspect of eurovision? a last remaining human element, and that is: interactiveness and intimacy. it’s long been the contest of who has the most immersive camera work. finland is always a good example of this, as was KAJ: we were all in the damn sauna. dara cranked that interaction-meter to a maximum: she directly looks up at us in the postcard and intro (notice how that immediately communicates that she is /not arrogantly above the viewer/, which makes us root for the bold choreography rather than seeing her as haughty or condescending). like romania, bangaranga makes you feel like you’re part of the choreography. when maneskin opened their stage with a door it was like damiano took you by the hand and brought us on stage to rock out with him in the first shot already. it has to be parasocial: dara’s first dance move is beckoning us with the hand. by then, it was already decided. notice how relentlessly close the camera is to her throughout the performance. WE BARELY SEE HER/THE DANCERS’ FEET, WE ARE THAT NEARBY. no chance to distance ourselves mentally. we are with her in speaking distance 80-90% of the performance. 

we know the statistics. a female solo artist has instant odds. one does not simply win eurovision as a conforming, regular man. no one stood a numerical chance.

someone in the tags said it all happened the way it did because romania doesn’t have the budget to host it NOOO 💀 i am inconsolable. but yes, the underdogs claw their way back, and a balkan win has been overdue 100%, so going with an inescapable banger to bring this home was a smart move.

meme bonus: of course… the winner has to slay. she looks like this queen who we all love ✨

Enid: Hmmm I would probably tell me she is about meet someone who will fill her life with the kind of terror I never could have imagined

Wednesday: oh?

Enid: I'm not done, I would warn her she's about to meet some who is about to tear down everything we thought we knew about our future and we would get back up stronger. That you make us self sufficient in a way we feared to even consider ourselves capable of. But we would never choose to live without you

Wednesday: *voice waivers* That's . . . thank you

Enid: *twirls a hair* and if you could warn yourself about sweet innocent me?

Wednesday: . . . I would warn her your saccharine facade hides every one of our most anxiety inducing fears

Enid: awe so sweet

Wednesday: I would warn her that you will expose us to every pain and indignity we had hoped to avoid by shutting ourself off from social interaction

Enid: but?

Wednesday: that it is a price we not only pay willingly but eventually embrace for the privilege of being a small part of your life

Enid: You are not a small part of my life, you are a black hole threatening to pull me in

Wednesday: and you are a festering wound I refuse to treat, picking at it as infection spreads and

Yoko: Just fucking kiss already!

Wednesday: * feigns annoyance and looks out at the wedding party* Should we give the maddening crowd what they so demand?

Enid: *grinning from ear to ear* I guess we've raked them over the coals long enough

Wednesday and Enid embrace

Did he have his name written down on something?

Or is that what the people who dug him up thousands of years later decided to name him?

And how TF does he even have a fanbase?

Ötzi is a 5300-ish year old mummy, found in the Ötztal Alps in Italy (hence his name). While the earliest form of writing was emerging from Sumer at the time, Ötzi likely came from a civilisation with no writing system.

Ötzi has a fanbase because frankly he's absolutely fascinating. For a long time he was the oldest tattooed person ever discovered (in 2018 older Egyptian mummies were discovered), with 61 tattoos, a series of lines and crosses, primarily on his joints. These tattoos were likely an early form of acupuncture since he had worn joints that likely caused him pain.

The amount we've been able to study and understand about Ötzi is incredible, and he has offered us an incredible view of the European Copper Age. He was 45. He was 5"3. He was around 50kgs. We know what his final meal was, how he dressed, where he came from and how he travelled to the Ötztal region (through pollen in his lungs). We know he was involved in copper smelting (high levels of copper and arsenic in his hair). He could still have 19 descendants alive today. We know he was sick three times in the last six months before he died. We know he had whipworms. We know he was lactose intolerant.

We know he was murdered. Not killed by a stranger, or robbed. He was murdered by someone, and it was probably personal, and he did not know it was coming. He bled out, from an arrow to the back, and nobody helped him.

His last meal was elaborate. He was not on the run, or in a hurry to get away. He was not chased up those mountains. Where was he going? Why was he being followed? His body was not looted. He was a wealthy man, for his time. He had good quality clothes, shoes that people have reconstructed and hiked up the mountain in (and found surprisingly comfortable, apparently).

Weapons, too. He was found with a copper axe, a knife, arrows and an unfinished bow, baskets and medicines. These were all valuable possessions. People were not so rich back then that they could easily discard items like this- so why were they left to rot on the mountain with him? Was the fact they'd been touched by Ötzi really so repugnant to whoever was on that mountain?

There are at least 4 other people's blood on his gear. On the knife. On the arrows. The arrow that they shot him with was left in his back but the shaft was removed.

We know so much about Ötzi. We know everything about his finals hours- except for everything about Ötzi. We do not know who he was, we do not know his name, and we do not know why he was killed. His murderers stand in the shadows and will never come out into the light.