In the Absence of Color

Enid: OH GAWD THERE’S SO MUCH BLOOD!!

Wednesday: *gurgles flirtatiously* There’s more where—*hrrktt*—that came from, querida.

Enid: Nngh. Whad da fugh?

Enid: *spits out something long, black, and bloody*

Enid: 🤨

Enid: Huh? This looks like one of Wednesday’s brai…

Enid: 😱‼️

– Down in the Link. –

*distant scream of soul-deep horror*

Pugsley: Hah! That sounds like a successful prank to me!

Agnes: Of course it was. Are you packed?

Pugsley: Uh, why would I be packed?

Agnes: To go into hiding, obviously.

Pugsley: Pfft. Enid will be fine once she calms down and realizes it’s just a piece of your Wednesday wig.

Agnes: It’s not.

Pugsley:

Pugsley: What?

Agnes: Are you serious? Enid is an alpha werewolf, you numbskull. She’d be able sniff out a fake, especially if it’s supposed to be from her mate.

Pugsley: Wh-What are you saying?

Agnes: I’m saying that we need to hurry and reach the safe house before the sedatives wear off.

Pugsley: *incredulous* You drugged my sister?!

Agnes: No, YOU did. I only swapped out the sugar you were planning to use to spike her morning coffee.

Pugsley:

Pugsley: I’ll go hot-wire us a car. *takes off*

Agnes: *calls after* Just make sure to pick one that’s faster than you are on the uptake!

Bianca: Excuse me? You incapacitated Wednesday by accident.

Enid: Says you! I happened to put a ton of effort into my promposal.

Bianca: More like a ton of rainbow glitter, which your color-allergic, would-be prom date inhaled.

Enid: So? What’s important is that she said “yes” BEFORE her throat closed up!

Bianca: Jesus, Enid, has anyone ever told you that you’re downright ruthless? You literally went full Arts and Crafts of War on your crush!

Agnes: *appears* That’s General Enid Sin Tzu to you, peasant.

Bianca: 😦

Enid: *indignant* Hey! I thought we agreed on Enid Sun Clair!

Agnes: Mm. We did, but you’re already reknown for your sunny disposition, so the whole Sun Tzu reference gets lost.

Enid: 🤔

Enid: Valid. So what’s next?

Agnes: *recites* In the midst of chaos, there is also opportunity.

Enid: 😲

Enid: We should break into Wednesday’s desk while she’s at the hospital and search for clues about her dream date!

Agnes: Excellent idea, General. I’ll fetch the tools.

Bianca: *watches in dumbfounded silence as Agnes vanishes and Enid gallops away*

Wednesday: *teeth gritted* We are in Purgatory.

Enid: *feigned calm* The graduation is just running a little late.

Wednesday: Allow me destroy the speakers.

Enid: Wednesday, no. And the song isn’t that bad.

🎶 I’m walking in sunshine, WOooAH! 🎶

Wednesday: Walking on the actual sun would be preferable to having this aural assault repeat itself yet again.

Enid: *sympathetic wince* Okay, yeah, having it loop for like the last hour has been a little much.

🎶 And don’t it feel G—

Wednesday/Enid: ‼️😐😯‼️

The auditorium quiets with cautious optimism, followed by a collective sigh of profound relief.

Enid: See? It finally stopped!

Wednesday: It’s just as well. I have accelerant, but my lighter is mysteriously absent.

Enid: *feigned innocence* Really? Gosh, that’s too bad. I’m sure you just left it at h—

—OOD! HEY! Alright now, and don’t it feel GOOD! 🎶

The auditorium erupts into a collective chorus of exasperated groans.

Wednesday/Enid: 😡😬

Enid: *sheepish grin* They are seriously lucky that you don’t have your lighter on you.

Wednesday: Oh, I don’t know about that. It appears that I am spoiled for choice, which ironically does feel good.

Enid: *glances over* Huh? What do you m—

Wednesday: *surrounded by desperate parents collectively offering their lighters*

Enid: 🫢

Bianca: Truth. Like a grim reaper with a heart of gold.

Enid: Oh, yeah, that too.

Bianca: Pardon?

*horrified screams of disgust*

Bianca: 😒

Bianca: 😧⁉️

Bianca: Where the hell did she even FIND a mummified heart that big?

Enid: From her 190-times-great-granduncle Addamhotep the Third’s canopic barrel.

Bianca: 😐

Bianca: 😑

Bianca: 😐

Bianca: Oh… kay. That would explain it being mummified, but what about the freaking size of it? I’m pretty sure it’s bigger than her whole-damn torso!

Enid: Well, like my secretly compassionate girlfriend, Addamhotep the Third also had a huge heart…

Bianca: 🤨

Enid: …but it’s mostly because he was a half-sphinx who died from undiagnosed cardiomegaly.