your heart is my piñata

💗💗

“girls don’t know how to take a compliment” a woman at work today told me my hair looks like something out of a botticelli painting and made my entire week, so maybe the real problem is with the ‘compliments’ you give

FULL MATURE. FULL EXPERIENCE.

“this isnt coming out of thin nowhere” oh rob

TODAY I WAS RUNNING AND THIS MINIVAN DROVE PAST ME AND SOME LIKE 14 YEAR OLD BOY YELLED OUT THE WINDOW SOMETHING LIKE “RUN FAT ASS” AND HIS MOTHER TURNED THE CAR AROUND AND MADE HIM RUN LIKE 5 BLOCKS WITH ME WHILE SHE DROVE NEXT TO US I ALMOST SLIPPED FROM LAUGHING SO HARD

And that’s the kind of education idiotic people need. Seriously.

When listening to his stand-up sometimes I’m like… “Whhaaa??” but most times I’m like… “YOU’RE FUCKING HILARIOUS.”

A monk and a punk.

HEEEEEEEEERES JOHNNY