Force Proximity Isn't Natural
Alex ran into the motel room out of breath, looking at his motel-mate sitting on the bed. Tim, just reading in the little free time he had, looked up at his frantic ex-friend.
" 'Lex, what's the issue?" He asked, shutting his book gently and placing it down beside him on the bed. Tim used his other hand to motion Alex over to him. Alex slowly walks across the short hotel room floor. He settled beside Tim on the bed, the warmth emanating from the other, which always made him feel just a bit more at ease.
"I don't know." Alex admits, pulling his knees up to his chest and burying his head in them. He let out quiet sobs into his legs. He couldn't tell Tim like this, he couldn't.
Alex was just sitting in the car, taking a break from the life that's run him since he was a kid. This forced proximity was going to be the end of him. How could he even stand Tim? He missed the knife wound, maybe out of pity, who knows? He didn't hate it as much as he said. He hates himself for not hating Tim more, but how could he hate such a gentle soul?
Alex puts his head in his hands, screaming into the closed car. He knows this forced proximity is driving him mad, but it's not like he can go be around others like a normal person, so he's stuck with Tim whether they like it or not.
He gripped the steering wheel so hard his knuckles turned white, how could he let it turn into this? How could he feel this? There's something wrong with him, surely.
This was nothing more than a convenient arrangement, Alex tells himself. It's just a problem that they have a solution for, even if it's one that causes them to stay together because they're the only ones who are infected.
Alex knows that Tim's been infected since he was a kid, and so has he. Maybe they were always destined for this life of isolation together. Why did Tim have to be so understanding?
He was supposed to hate Alex for what he did; he was supposed to ruin Alex to the point he was unrecognizable. He wasn't supposed to understand Alex the way he did. Alex has to force himself to be distant, to be angry at Tim for almost killing him. He understood why, but he couldn't get close to someone else. They'd get hurt. They always did.
Alex leaned back in his seat, looking out the window. It was dusk, and he loved that time of night. Though this night couldn't deter Alex from his plaguing thoughts about everything. He wanted to yell, he wanted to scream, he wanted everything to make sense, and nothing did.
He eventually cracked open the car door and stepped out, trying to keep his composure. He knew he needed to go back to the motel, but he couldn't, not like this.
He bolted down to the nearest park, his feet hitting the ground at a great pace, kicking pebbles up in his shoes. He eventually made it down to a bench and settled into it as the wind chilled him. Was it the wind?
Alex felt something behind him, a cold whisper. He whips his head around to find nothing, the cool, dense air surrounding him. He got lost in thought again, thinking about Tim and his dynamic.
The care felt so natural, like it wasn't just a part of their arrangement and they weren't forced to be together. He felt more than he should, deeper than he should and he can't figure out why or what to do. Maybe he should be honest with Tim? The worst thing he can do is probably try to kill Alex, so that's not too bad. Keep it a secret and live in pain? Either way he'll be hurting, so why not?
Alex got up off the bench, the cold air hitting his face as he decided to run back to the hotel, he was barely able to think as he ran to where Tim was.
Alex ran into the motel room out of breath, looking at his motel-mate sitting on the bed. His mind was racing with thoughts and feelings and eventually a word slurry tumbled out as he sobbed into his knees when Tim offered him to sit down.
"I don't know." Alex started before continuing on and deciding to be honest with Tim for everyone's sake.
"All of this care doesn't feel like just an arrangement anymore, it doesn't feel like we're forced together anymore, and I think I really like you despite everything we've put each other through. I can't imagine my life without you, and I wouldn't want to be stuck with anyone else but you. I know you're probably mad and want to kill me for saying this, but please hear me out. I don't want to ruin this, and I'm sca-" Alex was abruptly cut off by chapped lips pressing softly against his, he took a minute before kissing back. The two pulled away after a brief kiss as Tim cleared his throat to speak.
"I know the care seemed natural. It's been feeling natural. Do you want to sleep in the same bed tonight? Just to get used to it?" He asked with a reassuring squeeze to Alex's shoulder, to which he nodded and curled up next to Tim. His still wet tears soaked into Tim's shirt as Tim moved around to hold Alex close. He buries his face into Alex's head, mumbling softly.
"Goodnight, 'Lex. Love ya"
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