lack of

wendys

what i had: four for $4 burger and lemonade.

what i thought: this is the same as mcdonalds but there is a smiling girl! the guy who invented wendys was called somethng else so who is wendy. Food apparaition?

rating: 3/5. food was boring but mysterious girl warmed my heart

cook out

what i had: hot dog and shake

what i thought: holy shit. also milkshakes in america are like, solid ice cream. i was expecting nesquik

rating: 5/5. the hot dog was nauseating but cost a dollar and the cashier liked toys

steak n shake

what i had: you can only have burgers and shakes from this restaurant so thats what i got baby!! when in roam!! hasta la vista!!

what i thought: siri didnt know how to get there so we got lost on the highway at 1am. WOOPS!!! thats the american life

rating: 4/5. tasted like i was dying, but pleasantly

cracker barrel

what i had: friday fish fry up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

what i thought: there was lots of old people in this restaurant. the waitress avoided me because my nails were painted. this is a well documented phenomneom but biscuits are definitely something different in this country than my country

rating: 2/5. scary torture cabin

costco

what i had: piza slice

what i thought: i know this isnt technicaly a restaurant but drinks were 50 cents so it gets an honorable mention. there was a crate of mayonnaise but i didnt try that.

what i had: burrito. do they make other things?

what i thought: the logo is a chilli pepper but there werent actually any chilli peppers you could have in the food? i enjoyed the dainty red basket

rating: 3/5. guess burritos just always taste good, no matter what theyre made of. i think the chipotle burritos were made using some kind of food product but im not sure.

sonic drive thru

what i had: loaded chilli cheese dog’ fourht of july baby!! happy star wars day

what i thought: very inconceivable. there is a sit in a drive in and a drive thru and the sonic drive thru person comes over to your car in roller skates. its a made up cartoon store. it doesnt exist

rating: 5/5. we spent 20 minutes googling if you tip at sonic and in the end we drove off so my guilt prevents me from assessing it poorly

taco bell

what i had: it only sells tacos in like threes so i got three tacos.

what i thought: its like a dorito with a leaf stapled to it. why is it called taco bell? also, who am i, inside?

rating: 4/5. i flung six tacos in the microwave when we got back and i enjoyed watching them roll over each other playfully -  made me think of my childhood and the political conspiracy around my birth.

sheetz

what i had: chicken nuggets at 2am

what i thought: it was interesting that about half of the items on the interactive menu ended with a ‘z’ rather than an s. while that was fun - i would not go so far as to say i died at sheetz but i certainly did not leave it in one piece due to the colossal spinning death blade embedded into the milkshake machine