this blog sucks.

I don't wanna go to something I've been invited to cuz it feels like a chore but I wanna know about events going on cuz I'll feel out of the loop but I also don't wanna know about events I wasn't invited to cuz I'll feel left out and I don't wanna get invited to something last minute cuz I'll feel like an afterthought but I also wanna get invited to things last minute cuz the pressure will force me to make a decision on the spot so I don't have time to think over whether it's an invite of politeness but if I turn it down I'll spend the whole day alone deeply thinking about how it was an invite of politeness and how I'd otherwise be left out of the loop cuz I'm not cool enough to get a notice in advance but if I accept then I'll eventually feel awkward and retreat into myself and think about how I'm only there cuz it was an invite of politeness and I don't know how to remedy any of this so just invite me to everything in advance and I'll turn down 90% of the invites but my guilt will eventually push me to accept the other 10% and I'll be forced to realize and accept that I alone control my social life and how much others want me in their lives PHEW