nsfw (osha violation)

Just came home from a dinner party with the friendgroup at which several people kept saying "Ask Pedro" or "Pedro will know" and I was terrified that they were referring to an AI like Claude but no, thank fuck, they were referring to a cardboard cutout of Pedro Pascal that someone left upstairs and who has been designated a kind of patron saint status in the household.

drake?

josh?

where’s the body of christ?

It was a metaphor/foreshadowing for later on when the two specimen experience excessive centrifugal force together >:) /j

literally thank god sex isnt real and was just invented by big fiction to emphasize greater social and psychological themes i was getting scared id have to do all that

This is the first time in my life when it's actually fair to criticize the President for gas prices. I've spent so many years explaining to people that Presidents have pretty limited influence over the price of oil and that they do not have a magical lower-gas-prices button on their desk, I almost forgot that the President does actually have a raise-gas-prices button on their desk called "start a war with Iran for no reason"

heated rivalry is the reward you get for a lifetime of toiling in the fujoshi mines for scraps, sifting through tons of dirt for a small glimmer of yaoi you're not even sure is real. could all be fool's gold. and one day you climb back to the surface and the light there is so bright and glaring you have to cover your eyes but when your eyesight adjusts, you are greeted with it, the fruits of your labour: shane hollander moaning and bouncing on it.

remember in p.e. when they'd take a bunch of insecure teenagers & be like "today we're going to play basketball" and then not teach you how to play basketball. and then put you in a group with guys who were obsessed with basketball and would get mad at you for not knowing how to play basketball. why did they do that

the problem with parents is that they are undiagnosed

we need a ritual where you can climb into a hole in the ground for roughly 24 hours and just close your eyes and not do anything, and nobody is allowed to look for you or speak your name, and whenever you want to reemerge then you can climb back out and people are forbidden from commenting on your absence. can someone get on this.

drugs. alcohol. smoking. they gotta make a secret fourth thing i can do every day with no consequences

Every time Sean Astin makes a statement on whether or not Sam and Frodo were indeed gay for each other in lord of the rings he’s always like “well we have to acknowledge that attitudes around sexuality have changed dramatically over the past several decades and since authorial intent is only up to speculation, the story is open to multiple readings, some of which might have different significances for different groups of people also they kiss on the lips because I said so”