Blackbery yap ! !

Name: Bery ! !

Age: Ehee ~ that's a secret (⁠｡⁠•̀⁠ᴗ⁠-⁠)⁠✧

Pronouns: She/They

DNI: haven't got one, I block freely (⁠ ⁠ꈍ⁠ᴗ⁠ꈍ⁠)

This here blog is basically an online diary of mine! I may have some controversial takes that you might not like on here... (⁠•⁠ ⁠▽⁠ ⁠•⁠;⁠) if you don't like what you see, feel free to block me!! Not many people see this blog so idc abt what I say!

I'll often talk about myself in the third person. I think it's silly ><

I'm interested in: Minecraft, Genshin, Hsr, Deltarune, Twst, Alnst/Zomst, Vocaloid, Jpop, Kpop, Musicals and loads more!

I hope you all have a berry good day <3

This fucking sucks. Bery wants to fix her sleep schedule so that her eye bags can go away. She wants to be pretty. Because if she's ugly when she goes back to school, her dumbass ex might take an ego trip like "hah! Look how miserable she is without me!" And like, no?? Like, Bery just wants to stay up. She's staying up right now! It's 22 past midnight for her! And she has a hangout with her friends TMR which is so annoying because shes gonna look like shit.

Bery finally paid back the 120 dollars she owed her sister. Her sister was shocked that she actually paid her back... Like, yeah, she has a spending problem but that doesn't mean she can't hold herself back?! Like... So annoying.

Bery's under eyes are so trash. She should buy an eye cream. She heard proper sleep and lots of water helps get rid of eyebags... maybe it'll work... she's gonna shower in the morning before going to hangout with her friends...

man... Can a Bery get some drugs?? Like... She really wants to try an edible. Or like, general stuff that messes w the mind. I wanna try smoking also. But like my lungs are shit so idk abt that one.

I owe my sister like 120 bucks cuz she bought shoes for me. I can't even spend money on Monster cuz I gotta pay her back... ugh... I'm trying to get better sleep habits but it's 1 am and I'm on tumblr. Bery should sleep ngl.

still no proper phone and there's a road trip coming up... Istg imma tweak TF out.

In other news, the cuts on my thigh are scarring up real nice!! Lwk really happy they're leaving a trace but I can't rly tell anyone irl that. It's my cry for attention that only I will see and will brush off if questioned abt it.

Wanna join art fight but my refs aren't done... waaaahhhhh I wanna be fast at art like other artists but I aintttt

Bery was lied to.

See, if ya saw my previous entry (which u probs didn't), Bery stated that her dad got her phone fixed and that it would be ready on Monday (yesterday). ...Bery did not receive a fixed phone yesterday. Which was bullshit. But she supposed that it's alright. She'll survive.

On another note! Bery's older sister is taking her to the mall today! They're gonna both get new shoes >< something about new balances..? Bery isn't quite sure. But she's excited to get cool new shoes!!

She's wondering if she'll have to go to work afterwards... She wouldn't particularly mind going, money is great. But she doesn't know if her dad will ask her to go. Bery works at her dad's restaurant btw!! She would say the name/what kinda food/where but she doesn't feel like doxxing her location just yet.

But thats pretty much it!! Maybe she'll get a few extra things at the mall but she's not sure.

hewo people who might knwow me fwom schwool!!

amyways bery is BACK w more nonsense. Recently Bery's dad SMASHED HER MINI TABLET ON THE FLOOR. all cuz she called him a fucking bastard. Which he is. It was deserved.

But anyways, her dad is feeling the guilt of smackin her and threatening her w a weapon... so he got her phone (which has been broken since October 2024) repaired, yay!!! Her phone will also be available for collection TODAY!!! Bery is looking forwards to this indeed!!!

In other news, she's gonna have to buy Minecraft all over again for her new device. Which sucks. A whole ten bucks. But she will be able to play games that take up bigger storage again!!! Bery could possibly play ZZZ!!!! she very much wants to play that game. Ya kno, cuz of the fan service and jiggle physics.

She's also currently quite eepy sleepy cuz it's like 4 am where she is.

"I need time to be myself and not in a relationship and maybe you should too"

MANNNN BERY JS GOT BROKEN UP WITH. *OVER TEXT*. LIKE WHAAAA ｡⁠:ﾟ⁠(⁠;⁠´⁠∩⁠`⁠;⁠)ﾟ⁠:⁠｡ they didnt even write my name properly like bro... (Forgot the H at the end of my name...) Like, I've been sorta expecting it but like ughh I was hoping I was wrong.

And like we had made a plan to go out and but now Imma have to tell my parents that I ain't goin... 😭😭 man, ts is bullshit.

wouldnt Bery look so pretty with lines across her thighs? Maybe she 1 try it! She's heard of people who do that... And she's seen some of her friends scars 2... Maybe she should do just one line! Js enough to draw blood, ehe!!!

On May 16th at like 0:30 ish, I tried to take my own life

I'm not sure if it counts as a suicide attempt.

I didn't write a letter, I didn't clean my room.

I didn't do the things that I heard people do before dying.

I tried to choke myself to death.

I propped the tablet on my knees while I was laying down

I pressed start and wrapped my hands around my neck.

01:00:07

That's how long I lasted before the urge to survive kicked in

If I wanted to live, does it still count as a suicide attempt?

I timed it because I wanted to see how long I would last

I wanted to see the second pass as I lost consciousness

I feel selfish.

There's so many people who care about me.

There's [SO's name].

There's my friends

There's my family

It's selfish of my to want to die when there's still things I wanna see

After I gave up, the realization was slow

Like it dawned on me what I did with what intentions

I was about to have a... I don't think a panic attack

But I was crying and breathing heavy

I thought it would only get worse.

I was gonna let it all out, then I went stone face

I suddenly remembered the 54321 technique and googles it with shaky hands

And it actually worked

I calmed down

Which pissed me off bc wdym that calming grounding shit works

Bulshit lol

Does this mean I'm suicidal? Do I want to die?

Who knows?

LOL

Sometimes when I wonder if I'll be missed, I ask myself that in my head and then pretend my friends all say "no of course we'd miss you!!" And it lwk reassures me a bit even tho they didn't actually say it. Cuz I'm too scared to ask "hey would y'all gen care if I died?" Because obv their reaction would be to be all "nooo we care so muchhh dont dieeeee" and be worried because that's manners right? But idk. I wanna die but also know what their reaction is. I wanna leave an ominous last message on discord. I wanna leave a letter for my family saying/admitting all that "this is who I am 🥺" bullshit. I wanna die but I have sm to live for. I wish I didn't have friends so that I didn't have reasons to stay. I wish everyone hated me or thought I was weird so that I could leave without people feeling bad. Ts is making me tear up on a fucking Monday bro wtf. Anyway so uhhh... No yeah I'm okay!!! So good!! no bcuz even if someone messaged me like "hey... Is everything ok?" Id just be like "no yeah everything is fine. Just not feeling all that great..!! Idk, hormones or smth loll. But anyways I'm fine." And so there wouldn't even be a point.