why now? I mean, I’ve always been a (self-prescribed) hypersomniac but things are different now now that I’ve regained my sense of creative direction.

Art block for years has been a struggle. Rediscovering what art means to me is one of the reasons why I keep striving to do better technically. Joined an organization, led the graphics team of a big ass concert (uni) for the first time. And now, that might come to bite me on the butt.

Not to be full of myself but I’m sort of anticipating that the current or upcoming leaders of that org would eventually reach out for me to be the graphics and tech chief for this academic year. It would be a nice opportunity but at the same time, a huge chunk of me wishes to turn it down (if ever i were correct).

Why? Because I want to pour all of my creative juices to my personal brand or account for once in a while. I could juggle shxt and just manage my time properly… but just imagining it is making me tired already. Heck, just waking up today made me not do anything despite wanting to. I don’t know how much energy it’d take for me to get up and do what I actually love instead of doing stuff just to gain experience, just because I have to, just because it’d benefit my future.

The thing is, I want what I love to benefit my future.

I’m just one of your average artists who aim for the same thing. Make a living out of my passion.

I wonder if admitting it to my family would make me more determined or atleast more confident in myself… Being in denial has kept me inside this small ass box for the longest time. I just know that if I somehow reach that point when I can proudly tell them, it would mean that nothing will be stopping me.

So, when… when will I get to that point? As much as I want to answer “NOW,” I just can’t say for certain. Though to be fair, people often say “do it scared.”

This year (mid year), I certainly will.

Starting this month, I’d be planning. And by October, I’d sell my goodies for the second time (my first time being last Halloween).