Julie

SparkNotes is truly a gift to mankind

don’t go to art school. pirate some drawing programs. buy a cheap tablet off of craigslist. take furry porn commissions. draw some wolf cocks. start a patreon. make ten thousand dollars a month. retire at the age of 25. buy an island with your dog dick money. invest in indie games. buy stock in mojang. fly to sweden and hang out with notch. become notch’s friend. have him buy you things because he’s desperate to have friends and doesn’t want to lose you. open notch’s mind. shape him in to a good person. get married to notch. give notch the spark to create a new game. become the artist for notch’s new game. it’s a furry hentai game. start a kickstarter and make another ten thousand dollars. run off with the money. buy another island. draw more dog dicks. get out there. live. 

my dad was saying how he thinks that at every birthday after 18 more and more things should become legal. so by the time you’re like 60 you finally get your meth and arson liscence

if you make it to 100 instead of getting a card or whatever it is from the queen you get to commit treason

your dad is a fucking innovator

the idea of consuming two conflicting things that promise to do the opposite of each other has always been hilarious to me. there’s a liquid shot-based sleep aid called 6 hour sleep and as soon as I saw it i immediately imagined mixing it and a 5 hour energy together for a 1 hour nap

mix NyQuil and DayQuil to create Quil

what does Quil do

All the time all the time

man: has anyone ever told you you’re beautiful? me: oh no sir, today is my first day out of doors and papà forbade mirrors in the house lest we fall victim to vanity

i have officially piqued, i’ll never be funnier than this moment in time

i was walking through the grocery store ignoring everyone and i walked around the corner and ran right into this old mans cart and i was like “oh god, my bad, i didn’t see you there” and when i looked up, he was wearing all camo. down to his hat. his wife lost it laughing. i’ll never be funny again

scarier and better performed than any horror movie

I’m dying 😂

what breed of dog is that

titzu

those thumb people in spy kids aren’t real right?